My lack of vocabulary made my family helpless. Exhausted by pointlessly trying to fix me, my partner sought advice from a psychologist. The tools he had weren’t working. He felt powerless. This psychologist handed him an article. “This is one of the best descriptions of anxiety I’ve read,” they said. “It will help you understand.”
On hope, listening and the language of mental illness.
Having my home invaded left me anxious and angry, but so did the calls to lock up the children who did it.
My first column for the year: https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2023/feb/12/having-my-home-invaded-left-me-anxious-and-angry-but-so-did-the-calls-to-lock-up-the-children-who-did-it
Here's, as they say, me:
My instinct was to gently insist on a fallback plan. What about being an artist on the weekends but a psychologist during the week? How about an accountant who draws portraits of clients to submit with their BAS? I already have a pretend job; I can’t afford to support your pretend job, too!
But as I watched their art develop I realised two things: first, that they’re actually good at it; and second, fuck it.
This morning's physio appointment marked a year since I've been working with him, and 18 months since I decided it was time to Get Strong.
"The strongest you've ever been," he tells me.
I had a panic attack while I was walking there. A proper one: I nearly turned around and went home. But I didn't. I feel powerful and courageous from top to toe.
I used to imagine I carried, deep inside, a better version of me. This “real” Anna would be able to do everything I couldn’t. She would fearlessly travel to far-flung countries and get deliberately lost in strange places. She would sky-dive and swim with sharks. She would boldly meet new people and know how to have a conversation with them.
...
If I could just find and release her, my life would change. I would be cured.
I used to imagine I carried, deep inside, a better version of me. This “real” Anna would be able to do everything I couldn’t. She would fearlessly travel to far-flung countries and get deliberately lost in strange places. She would sky-dive and swim with sharks. She would boldly meet new people and know how to have a conversation with them.
...
If I could just find and release her, my life would change. I would be cured.
