MY DAD: did u know there’s more computing power in your iPhone than in the computers NASA used to land on the moon?

ME: did u know u don’t need to leave a voicemail every time u call?

It’s Christmas weekend, so remember the plan if you are traveling to visit older relatives or in-laws.

After they go to sleep, set the parental controls on their TV to block Fox News, then change their Facebook password to something they’ll never guess.

Using #vim is easy once you learn a few basic keybindings.

h and l - move left and right
j and k - move down and up
η and λ - move backwards and forwards through time
ξ and κ - translation through additional temporal dimension (if applicable)
ᚻ, ᛄ, ᚳ and ᛚ - moving left, down, up, and right through celestial spheres
𐤄 and 𐤋 - switch deity to pantheon member to left or right
𐤉 - supplicate to chosen deity
𐤊 - challenge chosen deity (dangerous)
:q - exit

[The Ark, Day 1]

NOAH: OK, lions, you're in L CARGO, bears, you're in B CARGO, and snails, you're in S CARGO.

SNAIL: Very funny, asshole.