I am very principled and independent and don't have much interest in acclaim, but even I have reached the point where my policy is to simply not tell people (even my friends) what I'm up to as many people cannot tolerate even small amounts of dissonance between what they choose themselves and what I choose. My judgment of any third party or any situation I'm not involved in seems to be especially divisive. I am too old and wizened to substitute my friends' morality for my own. I don't need that judgment directed at me when I don't ask for help judging something. Sad realities of life.
- 70 Followers
- 110 Following
- 727 Posts
Heck to anyone who doesn't stand with queer, fat, disabled, and marginalized people. 🏳️🌈💜
Anyway, I'm exhausted from endless years of moral crusades. The kind you don't have to be part of, and which exhaust you when inevitably a deal breaking cruelty happens in your own inner circle. I am gonna rest and spend the weekend alone.
@icky my family made it so there's brackets to hook their bird feeders to each morning and they take them in every night cuz of the birdseed thirst. The bears used to rip them out the ground concrete and all and pour them out into their mouths lol
@scorpiontongue Rope and impact are both super liberating when you have found a safe & skilled partner!!!
@icky this means a lot to read. I'm struggling with this insular, cutting people out, focusing on judging others' worthiness approach to life lately and I'm sorry you're also struggling with it, but glad to read this powerful assessment. I am a bit mealy-mouthed overall, but your conviction is inspiring.
@scorpiontongue it depends! The most important guideline is if it causes you distress & affects your ability to do daily tasks!
@scorpiontongue thank you friend I really hope I can demand this for myself because I'm very over the way things have gone so far!
Next time I tell someone "what kind of life does that leave for me?"
I should not have stayed after asking that twice and hearing shock and confusion
One thing I truly don't understand about a person I dated is them quitting a lucrative job that makes more than I ever could to be a not-very-effective mutial aid figurehead with zero stability. And they didn't even do a very good job at their own goals. They chose instability and lack of resources and floundering. And me, as the glue to hold it together.
It's a curse to be loved by someone who loves mostly what you do for them, for how you take care of the messy practical things that disgust them.
For all that I've criticized past partners for treating me poorly, I'm not sure it feels any less bad when someone is thrilled to have me around but at their core finds me repulsive. Contemptible. Fundamentally unappealing. Useful.
I'm tired of being useful.
@scorpiontongue that is a very good point. I feel like through sharing these things with women I'm friends with from a variety of backgrounds was how I realized it was exploitive behavior and that it was using white guilt to manipulate, instead of actually adjusting for systemic inequality within that relationship... Just flipping it so I was always being punished and it felt fair to someone who was bitter and ungracious. It's sad to look back on the people you loved and see something differently. 😓