I am very principled and independent and don't have much interest in acclaim, but even I have reached the point where my policy is to simply not tell people (even my friends) what I'm up to as many people cannot tolerate even small amounts of dissonance between what they choose themselves and what I choose. My judgment of any third party or any situation I'm not involved in seems to be especially divisive. I am too old and wizened to substitute my friends' morality for my own. I don't need that judgment directed at me when I don't ask for help judging something. Sad realities of life.
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Heck to anyone who doesn't stand with queer, fat, disabled, and marginalized people. 🏳️🌈💜
Anyway, I'm exhausted from endless years of moral crusades. The kind you don't have to be part of, and which exhaust you when inevitably a deal breaking cruelty happens in your own inner circle. I am gonna rest and spend the weekend alone.
Next time I tell someone "what kind of life does that leave for me?"
I should not have stayed after asking that twice and hearing shock and confusion
One thing I truly don't understand about a person I dated is them quitting a lucrative job that makes more than I ever could to be a not-very-effective mutial aid figurehead with zero stability. And they didn't even do a very good job at their own goals. They chose instability and lack of resources and floundering. And me, as the glue to hold it together.
It's a curse to be loved by someone who loves mostly what you do for them, for how you take care of the messy practical things that disgust them.
For all that I've criticized past partners for treating me poorly, I'm not sure it feels any less bad when someone is thrilled to have me around but at their core finds me repulsive. Contemptible. Fundamentally unappealing. Useful.
I'm tired of being useful.
Highly do not recommend the experience of hearing yourself jokingly use hyperbole but the situation you're citing as extreme is the exact thing the other person is experiencing. 0/10 immediately divert attention to avoid making everyone around feel awful.
For a variety of reasons, including multiple people in my life actively dying, I am working on not calling every sudden alarming situation "dying". It's so common! It is clearly not the time in my life to use those phrases though so they gotta go.
Oh, you have an urgent work thing due in 24 hours-ish? Oh, it has great significance and isn't that far from being finished but will take a whole work day? Ok I'll put it off for week and also surround myself with moving related clutter to make myself maximally stressed lol
Update today I also drove alongside a 2-door hatchback with plastic fruits (mostly grapes), fake skulls, and arabesque flourishes all over it. Southeast Portland has all the weird vehicles.
I just drove by what can only be described as a tactical Prius with off-road wheels and a roof rack and handwritten graffiti art that said "keep Portland anarchist jurisdiction" with the word weird crossed out. You all are doing way too much lol
Also the only time someone posted when I was helping them with this task (out of many times) her ex boyfriend called to yell at her for emasculating him so I think I have earned the right to do a complain