One thing I truly don't understand about a person I dated is them quitting a lucrative job that makes more than I ever could to be a not-very-effective mutial aid figurehead with zero stability. And they didn't even do a very good job at their own goals. They chose instability and lack of resources and floundering. And me, as the glue to hold it together.

It's a curse to be loved by someone who loves mostly what you do for them, for how you take care of the messy practical things that disgust them.

For all that I've criticized past partners for treating me poorly, I'm not sure it feels any less bad when someone is thrilled to have me around but at their core finds me repulsive. Contemptible. Fundamentally unappealing. Useful.

I'm tired of being useful.