This water is VEGAN???? *spits it out* bring me some meat water you punk clown

Just once I’d like to hear someone on a cooking show say they like timid flavours and ingredients that have gone off a bit.

Does the five-second rule apply if you drop a sick beat

Just had a shower

Shake booty, not hands

Where do people with outie belly buttons keep their emergency Skittle?

Sometimes you need to channel that Itsy Bitsy Spider energy

I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
I filled a box with lobsters
And threw them at your dad

Your eyes glaze over as I describe several new podcasts I like. You slump over, unconscious. I grab your wallet and flee. The perfect crime