Mastodawn

Root Beer

119 Followers

94 Following

41 Posts

Very average suburban dad. Into walks, hiking, reading, gaming, sports, and jokes.

This shitty algorithm thinks I want to watch Grease… psh.

I have like 2 dozen eggs in my fridge, might just sell them and retire early.

If someone says “go big or go home” we just go straight home right? I love being home.

Drank so much coffee my Apple Watch thinks I’m working out.

I always see more people walking into Costco than out of Costco... but the meat is cheap so I don't ask questions.

I'm a shower not a grower I say as I chuck my spade over the fence and hot water spurts forth from my mouth and eye sockets

Bandit in the streets.
Kratos in the sheets.

100 days #sober!

So many positive take aways. The holidays were tough but I made it through. This is my year and I’m taking it by the reins!

Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.

Before assuming that the zombie apocalypse has begun, check if it's possibly just Monday.