Pssst... This is for you. What's inside? That's a secret!  

#furry #FursuitFriday #fursuit #RayuFursuit

Dang, Christmas time, winter. The season I love the most. And yet, depressions are heavier than they've ever been the recent years.

Silenced even more of the few notifications I had enabled. Even disallowed them from even being shown while in Do Not Disturb mode. Even reducing messenger usage and only writing with a few creatures.

All of this has good sides ofc. It also takes away time I spent hiding from my mental issues and issues on myself. Heck, it's gotten so and my sleep gets impacted by it and the mask of me being happy 99% of the time is also falling down. I've never been told with worries, I'm not looking happy. Everything I did has good things for myself but also exposes my injured wounds deep inside me busted wide open to me and others now. On a level I never experienced before.

Somehow I could jump over my shadow of anxiety and even ask the work council for potential help or, some kind of connections they might have, to bridge the waiting time to get professional help. And I felt understood and supported for the first time in a work setting. This makes it a bit tiny little bit easier for me to breathe. I don't know how I could turn down the inner fear of showing my vulnerable side so busted wide open to others. Not after the recent experiences I had and yet, I know I didn't make a mistake.

I definitely suffer. I feel lost more often than I like to be. So many nights and evenings lost in thoughts, heck, sometimes even losing to my inner demon (which ironically also is a bit of Rayu, in his Beast Mode at least), feeling defeated, unmotivated to do just about anything. And yet, even when I don't get a lot of sleep, I can still fight and try living as best as I can. Heck, still being able to enjoy a good time, even when I feel terribly alone when I'm back at home the recent days. Feeling alone, when I'm surrounded with friends worrying and caring about me. Even creatures on the Internet, giving me some of their time and reading through things I write, even when I'm typically silent and lurk around.

It makes it a little bit easier to fight through all of this. Thank y'all for reading so far. Thank y'all for being here.

Take care of your loved ones. They only live once and appreciate every kind gesture when they are down (and silently scream for help) ❤️

A friend in need, is a friend indeed after all