He / Him
Kink bear cub pup hybrid. BearDog to some.
Part of Manbears organisers of Great British Bear Bash
Host of Beareoke a unique experience
Owner of themoodybear.com
Work in Manchester UK.
Recon: primecub
Instagram: primecub1981
Adaptive submissive with a heavy glove fetish and gear orientated.
I'm hoping I can build things into my life.
Therapy is definitely shining a light on things. There are a lot of roadblocks, which are there for protection..
Remembering the reactions to negative encounters is my mind's way of protecting me is a little fucked up. Thankfully EDMR helped change the links of a few but still working on others.
I've been in and out of therapy for over a decade , which if it wasn't for the friends (like the one I'm jealous of) I'd be sectioned.
Letting down the guard I've done for friends who live thousands of miles away but not locally. The block of being rejected and hurt, and then reminded of that rejection and hurt is just a little much.
I'm trying to find ways to make better connections. Make time for folks, be available and say yes to things.. but I'm also hyper aware I'm not asked. I'm not invited out cos I used to always work. Now I don't on Friday or Saturdays but I'm an after thought from years of "I'm working"
Had a hard discussion with a friend this weekend, where I openly admitted a jealousy of how he interacts and has some very close people and relationships that he manages well. It was good to be honest with him but it hurts looking in that mirror on the lack of substance I feel I have locally.
Yes I know a lot of people.. but there are none if say locally that I feel I can connect to deeper. I'd like to. I really would. But I'm stopped. Why? Cos those I've opened up to in the past have hurt me.
HairyHypnotist
CheezFairy