@Prawnlegs Ben, My Mom, and Myself, who all have Capital A Anxiety: “😐”

@Prawnlegs Last time I visited my parents my dad said “I don’t really worry about things or experience anxiety 🤷‍♂️” and I thought “Well that must be nice.”

@Prawnlegs It DOES make me feel strong and accomplished when I manage to force my brain to let me write when it fought me kicking and screaming, but 1. I probably wouldn’t be staying up as late and spending the day as a sleepy mess if I’d just started right away instead of spending like 2 hours fighting it, and 2. Often I lose the battle and don’t do anything and then feel shitty about it.

@Prawnlegs Yeah, I suppose that is ultimately a bit of a band-aid solution. Better than being paralyzed by fear, but still focused on the fear rather than the joy or satisfaction.

@Prawnlegs I tell myself that first drafts are allowed to be shit and that I’m usually able to push through the struggling part to get into the rhythm and feel fulfilled and content by the time I’m done, but… 🤷‍♀️

@Prawnlegs I think deep down, it’s a combo of being afraid it will suck and being afraid that it will be hard and that I’ll struggle and get frustrated (which has a lot of overlap with ‘scared it will suck’)

Brain: But what if we spend an hour listlessly cycling through social media and feeling bad instead? What if we paid a bill? Maybe check to see if that library book is in yet (I know it’s nighttime, what’s your point?)?