I never talk to myself. But I talk to you when you're not there all the time.

Thinking about shaving my head and getting a tattoo of a comb over.

I bought a sticker for my car window that says I love blind spots.

We rarely give our seal of disapproval.

PSA: Getting mad when you lose is not the same thing as being competitive. It just means you can’t handle disappointment.

I’m one of those people who treats his dog like one their kids because I expect my dog to move out and get a job someday.

Uber Eats implies the existence of Uber Poops

How many kids have died because they thought they were the only ones that could prevent a forest fire?