is it fair to call this sexual abuse
My mother attempted to convince me that I was molested by my adoptive father. This started when I was 6. I experienced things like hypnosis to “recover” memories that were fed to the therapists. I have talked to therapists about this but it’s fucking useless. I don’t know how to deal with two sets of memories and I’m sick of spending $400 on “oh yeah the only thing I know how to do is CBT.”
Gum picking (gross)
I pick my gums. I usually bite a fingernail off and use it to pick with. I enjoy the sensation of pain from having a sharp thing in between my gums and my teeth immensely (not sexual, but a sensation that I cannot really compare to anything else) I have tried all sorts of solutions to try to stop this, and I’m not really wanting them right now. I have managed to stop biting my nails for a time, but this will instead be replaced with grinding my teeth/picking without biting the nail off first/flossing or tooth picking to the point of bleeding. What I would really like is harm reduction here. I don’t know what I would say to a dentist or doctor. I will wash my hands before biting my nails to at least make an effort as far as bacteria and infections. I imagine this will lead to long term damage down the road/already, but maybe there are things I can do that will at least fuck me up less in the long run.
Is it possible to “make” someone have seizures?
I stopped taking my seizure meds for a few weeks. When I was living with my ex, going off the meds resulted in seizures within the next few days. I mean grand mal, unconscious for a few minutes and post octal phase where I have zero idea what is going on (one of the most terrifying feelings you can have honestly) I’ve been living on my own for a few years now, and gradually halfed my dose for financial reasons. For the past <month I’ve been entirely off. Maybe this is weird. But at one point there was a few days where I had left my meds somewhere else after staying elsewhere a few days, and was worried about driving, and he said: “don’t worry, you aren’t going to have a seizure.”
There’s no help is there?
You can’t show any emotion at all about what happened to you. People don’t want you to exist. People want to say call 988 because it lets them pretend you don’t exist. All I have ever wanted is for someone to say, “yes. You were sexually abused. We stood by and did nothing. You told us. You made it clear. And instead of helping you, we let people punish you. We let your mother put you in hospitals to drug you. We let her send you to hypnotists to try to convince you you were raped by the only person who made you feel safe, because she was still angry about the divorce.” Being hurt and tortured makes you an unperson. If I do end up offing myself, everyone will pretend they cared. But they won’t help me eat today, they won’t help me find a job, they won’t give me a hug. It’s like the herd knows when a parent has rejected its offspring, and all agrees to make the same choice.
I’m going to lose the job I got because the CEO of the child torture facility get a restraining order against me
It’s clearly in retaliation to shut me up about abuse at the facility. It makes zero sense, even the process server thought it was ridiculous. But I have no money, I couldn’t find a lawyer. So now my life is over basically. I’m barely employable as it is. I have thousands in credit card debt, I have tens of thousands in student loans, and I work a part time job and do gig work. There is no therapy. There is no lawyer. DO NOT FUCKING SAY “just check a low income program in your area!” THEY DONT FUCKING EXIST. I live in a red state which exists to chew people up like me. I have zero family support. I have zero friends. I have zero help. The second I can’t pay rent I’m walking into traffic. At no point in my life has there been help. I called a crisis line last year, was assaulted and lost my job because they forget to give me paperwork after I got out. “Help” seems to be platitudes. Help seems to pretend that there is something on the other side, when across my life that “it gets better” hope gets fucking yoinked from me like Lucy with the football. Why the fuck is saying “no” such a bad thing? My family didn’t care when I got diddled, why would they care if I was in the ground?
I got a VPO against me, how fucked am I?
How abnormal is it for a mother to be her son a fleshlight for his 18th birthday?
Have you seen any shocking/over the top movies? “Extreme horror”
I got herpes. What can I expect?
