Bah, this self-doubt. Examples of my thoughts this morning: What if I'm imagining the details of my gender? What if I got it all wrong? I should've never posted such pompous post as "I think I figured out my gender". Now everybody thinks I've gone bonkers. Argh!

Counter-argument: so what? It's all about my journey.

#nonbinary #genderqueer

Today the feeling of the "proper" gender came back little by little. This has been truly fascinating. When I thought I was a cis guy, I wasn't in touch with my gender feelings and certainly couldn't have noticed the fluctuation. Now that I was super-aware of it, I noticed these strange things it does. There's no way of saying how I knew, I just did. It's as if there's now this new layer of my personality that became visible and which I can examine. Or maybe I could picture it as a new energy field I've now become aware of. The way how it explains more things about me just makes perfect sense.

#nonbinary #genderqueer #fluidflux

All of the examination of my gender the last few days has caused it to go hiding yesterday and today. I know I still have a gender but it kinda wants to be left alone. Not sure if it's that the intensity as such is quite low (flux) or whether there's fluidity in works as well (fluidlux) and this slow burning is actually the core of my gender. If so, it might even be neutral. Interesting!

#nonbinary #genderqueer #fluidflux

I think I've got it. Thanks to https://www.lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/LGBTA_Wiki and hours of me time and deep thinking, I might have managed to define my gender.  

I am
- #nonbinary  or more specifically #genderqueer 💜
- they/he
- masculine/feminine/genderfluff
- hypermultiflux

I feel the three genders simultaneously, each with its own intensity. They interact with each other but are three separate genders I sense all the time. Baseline might be 70/30/20 for masc/fem/fluff. When I'm tired, it's the masculine side that takes most hit and the intensities are closer to even. I'll keep on watching.

#Genderfluff is a gender that in my case, shortly put, feels warm and fuzzy.  I had specified this in my diary, and then run into the genderfluff page at Wiki. It used same wording I had used. Genderfluff is also my #queer element.   It overlaps with the feminine (beauty) side to some extent. Also lines up masculinity (strength) with fluffy insides. Interestingly, my genderfluff has a twisted edge which can be seen in my music choices, for example. The cutesy twisted stuff such as the Poppy album I Disagree.

In #HyperMultiFlux multi refers to all three genders. Flux means that their intensity in relation to others and overall fluctuates. Hyper means that this flux can go over 100% - in other words, I can feel my gender at intensity over the usual limit. Now I'm maybe at 110. Within the last 24 hours or so, I've had 90-120% of gender, that's the 70/30/20, btw.  

My gender as a whole has a solid core. It's warm, even hot, soft with hints of fluff though concrete. Then there's the fluctuating part in forms of sparks and flames even, or maybe plasma-like movement. 🔥⚡️

Hypermultiflux is a pocket gender that doesn't exist in online accounts so far. No wonder I haven't encountered similar story to mine. But for my analytical mind it's huge to find my own #microgender. Knowledge is understanding. I have my unique constellation of a gender and that has had and continues to have a big impact on my persona.  

Technically, I'm #trigender. Technically, I'm #trans. They just aren't in my core identity.

And that's it. My gender, explained. Makes perfect sense to me ❤️

I think my pronouns are they/he.

#nonbinary #genderqueer #MyPronouns

I've always thought that everyone should get to go to therapy. Even though it took me decades to finally go myself 😄 Now I'm also a firm believer that everyone should really think about their gender. And not only as "what is my gender?" but also "what does my gender feel like?"

#nonbinary #genderqueer