Bah, this self-doubt. Examples of my thoughts this morning: What if I'm imagining the details of my gender? What if I got it all wrong? I should've never posted such pompous post as "I think I figured out my gender". Now everybody thinks I've gone bonkers. Argh!
Counter-argument: so what? It's all about my journey.
Today the feeling of the "proper" gender came back little by little. This has been truly fascinating. When I thought I was a cis guy, I wasn't in touch with my gender feelings and certainly couldn't have noticed the fluctuation. Now that I was super-aware of it, I noticed these strange things it does. There's no way of saying how I knew, I just did. It's as if there's now this new layer of my personality that became visible and which I can examine. Or maybe I could picture it as a new energy field I've now become aware of. The way how it explains more things about me just makes perfect sense.
All of the examination of my gender the last few days has caused it to go hiding yesterday and today. I know I still have a gender but it kinda wants to be left alone. Not sure if it's that the intensity as such is quite low (flux) or whether there's fluidity in works as well (fluidlux) and this slow burning is actually the core of my gender. If so, it might even be neutral. Interesting!
queer status updates