Ms. Que BanhApr 20
Yo - we're parking now. I'm gonna take a moment to say - Do not ever try to tone police any woman, especially Asian women like me. It never ends well for the tone policing, almost always, white person. Don't fucking do this shit with me, ever. I know when civility matters. I know when opting to not be civil is never my first choice. Don't ever try to tell any woman how to fucking act/speak.
Show threadThe Great Llama Apr 20
@PhoenixSerenity
Oh shit, I hope what I said didn't come off that way. Certainly not my intent.
Show threadMs. Que BanhApr 23
@TheGreatLlama It's not you. I'd be DMing, if it was ✌️ I tend to DM ppl if they're longtime mutuals & I'm displeased.
Show threadThe Great Llama Apr 23
@PhoenixSerenity
I actually figured out later what you were talking about. If a few swears are going to be the dealbreaker for someone's commitment to societal change, they're in the wrong fucking place!
Show threadMs. Que BanhApr 23
@TheGreatLlama If you're not swearing, while geopolitical genocides & ecocides are all happening at once, you're choosing cognitive dissonance while hell rises up.
Show threadBryan L. Fordham

@PhoenixSerenity @TheGreatLlama I often joke that some people talk like a 7th grader who just discovered a new cuss word.

But we also teach our kids that, like all language, cussing has its place. Sometimes it’s justified.

And, as you say, it’s not my place to police anyone on their tone. I should be responsible for my own, not yours.

Usually its just a way for a white person to shut down someone who “doesn’t know their place” and, honestly, fuck that

Apr 23 at 11:40pmWeb
Show threadMs. Que BanhApr 23

@Bfordham
Tone policing is a popular tactic for people with more privileges to discount/devalue/dehumanize people with lesser privileges. It's a tactic for the selfish & ignorant.

@TheGreatLlama

Show threadBryan L. FordhamApr 23
@PhoenixSerenity @TheGreatLlama absolutely. And I didn’t know that for far too long
Show threadMs. Que BanhApr 23
@Bfordham @TheGreatLlama I fucked up in this department for years until I started seriously decolonizing my own mind. When we know better, we ought to do better.
Show threadBryan L. FordhamApr 23
@PhoenixSerenity @TheGreatLlama I didn’t realize for a long time that my ideas on the “proper way to act” was just racism. Because a white guy yelling was passionate, but a black woman was overly emotional and uncontrollable.
Show threadMs. Que BanhApr 23

@Bfordham @TheGreatLlama I didn't realize telling abused women to stop bitching about how awful their partners were & to just leave their relationships was quite cruel, it was judgemental/ignorant, especially when I wasn't providing them with safe places to go. My karma for being that way was experiencing 2 abusive relationships after. I've never judged any person being abused again & ceased tone policing of people suffering from abuses that I was ignorant about, when I was younger & not as life experienced. I try to do better, when I have learned better.

#Humility #PersonalGrowth #Decolonization

Show threadMs. Que BanhApr 23
@Bfordham @TheGreatLlama
These days, I'm tone policed a lot by misogynistic bigots who don't like empowered women - who will talk back if you bring BS to our tables or cowards who feel threatened by anti-ableist women or fools who think Asian women should be submissive servants to men. I am very unkind to people who treat me like an Asian object/slave or as lesser than human.