Jonathan Kamens 86 471d ago
Heads-up: I'm going to get kind of personal about sex in this thread to make my point. I don't think what I'm saying here is particularly unusual, but it's the kind of thing people are reluctant to talk about, which I think is problematic, because talking about this stuff is necessary for dismantling #patriarchy and #rapeCulture.
This is about #EricSwalwell, but not just about him.
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Show threadJonathan Kamens 86 471d ago
Let's talk about the report that #EricSwalwell whipped out his penis in a car and asked a young woman who worked for him to give him a blowjob.
Here's the thing: there are absolutely times when my body says to me, "Dude, you need to have an orgasm." At least in my experience and I assume other men's as well, sometimes you feel a physical need to get your rocks off. This is normal.
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Show threadJonathan Kamens 86 47
However, and apparently this will come as a surprise to some men, you don't actually need a woman's help to get off. See, there's this thing called masturbation which enables you to cum without the involvement of any other human beings. It's a gift you can use any time you want, as long as you do it in private. And there's virtually infinite porn, free on the internet, to help you out! Isn't that amazing?
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Apr 13 at 3:10pmWeb
Show threadJonathan Kamens 86 471d ago
Men, you are not entitled to have your needs, sexual or otherwise, taken care of by others who do not want to fulfill those needs. You are a grown-up human being with autonomy and agency, and the only person you have the right to rely on for meeting your physical and other needs is YOU. Not your girlfriend, not your spouse, not the cute young aide who drives you home from a fundraiser.
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Show threadJonathan Kamens 86 471d ago
Some people enter voluntarily into relationships with others, and as part of those relationships they make certain commitments. If you're a man in such a relationship with a woman, then the woman you're with may choose, when asked, to "help you out." She may even enjoy it!
But you have to ASK, and she gets to CHOOSE. Every time. There is no relationship which grants blanket permission to someone else's body.
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Show threadJonathan Kamens 86 471d ago
Many men learn from our culture that they are entitled to sexual gratification from women.
This is a lie. If there is any inkling of it in your own attitude toward women, then I encourage you to do the hard work to root it out and extinguish it.
And the thing is that if you ACT on this belief, that makes you a bad person. Sorry, but I don't make the rules. Cultural conditioning does not excuse your actions.
Men, get your shit together.
/fin
Show threadJustin Fitzsimmons1d ago
@jik discovering and subsequently addressing my toxic relationship with entitlement is what finally dislodged me from the incel pipeline and helped me find the opportunity to enter into healthy relationships. It took many years, but it was worth it.
Show threadNilaJones1d ago

@smn @jik

I appreciate both of you, for your courage to think and write about this stuff