Roommate Phase

You ever have one of those moments where you’re sitting on the couch, staring at the side of someone’s head while they scroll through TikTok, and you realize you haven’t actually spoken to them in three days? And no, “Did you remember to move the laundry?” does not count as a conversation.

I saw this quote today—you know the ones, white background, depressing font, designed to make you stare into the middle distance and sigh like a character in a mid-2000s indie movie. It said: “I don’t know what we are anymore… but I miss what we were.”

And honestly? Ouch. Rude. Who gave the internet permission to read my diary?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the “Before.” You remember that version of yourself? The one who actually laughed until their stomach hurt? Back then, we had this shorthand. One look across a crowded room and we knew exactly what the other person was thinking (usually something judgmental about the catering, let’s be real).

Laughter used to be the default setting. Now, it feels like I’m trying to start a lawnmower that’s been sitting in the rain for six years. I pull the cord, it coughs a little, maybe emits a puff of smoke, and then… silence.

The quote mentions “silence and distance where closeness used to live,” and man, that is the most accurate description of a fading spark I’ve ever heard. It’s not a loud silence. It’s not the “we just had a screaming match” silence. It’s the “I’m sitting three feet away from you but I might as well be on Mars” silence.

It’s the kind of distance where you want to reach out and touch their arm, but you’re afraid it’ll feel like touching a stranger at the grocery store. It’s awkward. It’s heavy. It’s like we’re both holding our breath, waiting for the other person to either say something profound or just… leave the room.

The worst part is the memory hoarding. I feel like a biological museum curator. I’m constantly looking back at photos from two years ago—who are those people? They look so well-rested. They look like they actually like each other.

The quote says these memories feel like they “belong to someone else,” and I felt that in my soul. I look at those old versions of us and I want to tap them on the shoulder and say, “Hey, enjoy this. Don’t take the easy laughter for granted, because eventually, you’re going to be arguing about the ‘correct’ way to load the dishwasher for forty-five minutes.”

I’d give anything to go back, even for just five minutes. Not to change anything—I’m not that ambitious—but just to feel that “slipping away” feeling stop for a second. To feel that effortless click again.

But until I figure out how to build a time machine (or at least figure out how to talk about something other than the weather and the electric bill), I guess I’ll just keep scrolling through these weirdly relatable quotes and wondering if everyone else is also just faking it until they make it.

If you’re sitting in that same silence tonight, just know you’re not the only one. Maybe we should all start a club. We won’t talk, obviously. We’ll just sit in the same room and collectively sigh.

Stay messy, friends.

— Tina

#Adultingapology #Adultingblunders #Adultingmessiness #Adultingproblems #Adultingstruggles #Communicationissues #Consistency #CouplesDynamics #Emotionalawareness #couponing