"She" - Elvis Costello. It's no "Veronica", is it.
"If you're getting down" - Five, taking time off from their local Lazer Zap arcade.
"Feelin' it too" - The Three Jays. Not to be confused with a spectacularly crap NOS/TROS entry to the Eurovisie some years ago.
"I don't know what you want but i can't give it any more" - Pet Shop Boys.
We're their Post-Imperial Phase, with all the rubber-clad dancers, and lots of performance atmosphere.
Wonder if this was choreographed by the same chap who did New Order's "True faith" clip.
"Better off alone" - Alice Deejay. Always associate this with it getting near chucking-out time. Specifically, chucking-out time in one of Leamington Spa's student pubs, during summer when there wasn't much student traffic.
"Lovestruck" - Madness. Yeah, it's pleasant.
"Hey boy hey girl" - Chemical Brothers. Ah, the days before they'd invented non-binary lovelies. Or the Wrong Sort of Shiny Warnings.
"Livin' la vida locust" - Cricket Martin. It's still number one in the six-legged insects chart.
Speaking of which, we miss the next three weeks in 1999, number ones from Geri Halliwell and Ronan Keating.
Haven't prepared for the Mystery Years at all, so the news burst is:
- Lots of the fediverse invited the prime minister to go away.
- Some people won at sportsball.
- The weather had some sun and some rain, probably.
"Just fade away" - Stiff Little Fingers. Love the side-to-side close-ups on the singer.
"What becomes of the broken hearted" - Dave Stewart and Colin Blunstone. Ah, great song, respectable update for the Mystery Year.
See also: the closing scenes from "Drop the Dead Donkey".
Sir Simon Bates demonstrates how to choreograph the audience without touching them. Are you watching, Powell?
"Time" - Light of the World. A brass section large enough for any needs, and a very moreish funk workout.
Powell, we wanted you to *learn*. Not teach Bates your tricks.
"Don't panic" - Liquid Gold. Still waiting for their follow-up, "Mostly harmless".
"Lately" - Stevie Wonder. Singer, piano, perfection.
"Feel it" - Jackson Five (danced by Flick of the Wrist). Dancing on the giant board from the morning 'Play Chess' series, and with some nifty editing. Needs more chimneys.
"My mummy's one in a million" - Children of Tansley School.
It's 8.20 on Good Friday evening. At this point in 1991, we could have been watching "Skyrunners", a "Treasure Hunt" ripoff that's so shockingly bad it's bad.
And "Skyrunners" is still better than this record.
"Good thing going" - Sugar Minott
Top-drawer lover's rock reggae. Subsequently covered as a comeback single by Yazz (not a hit), and by Sid "Ricky From East Enders" Owen (may appear on #TOTP later this year).
"Roses and rainbows" - Lena Zavaroni
Sold about 8000 copies across the three months her show was on air. That's about one sale per ten thousand viewing hours.
"Musclebound" - Spandau Ballet
Love the black-and-white look to the stage, all pulsing lights and metal. Tony's got the styling memo in his dark clothes; shame the rest of the group are so colourful.
Song of the night? Perhaps.
"Making your mind up" - Bucks Fizz. Commentary is superfluous.
"This ole house" - Shakin' Stevens
Mercifully, not the one from later in the year, with the most scary picture ever shown on television.
"Attention to me" - The Nolans (and dancing)
Our first #TOTP Mystery Year was 1981. More in a mo!
Our second Mystery Year comes from the week when the "Sunflowers" painting sold for £22.5 mn, and the University Boat Race was won by Oxford or Cambridge.
Readers of Smash Hits invited Margaret Thatcher to go away, and it was cold.
Hosts are Lord Gary Davies of Wooton, and the Queen of England, Janice Long.
"The Irish rover" - The Pogues and The Dubliners.
Cramming more people onto the stage than Darts managed, for a rollocking drinking tune.
Dubliners never came back, which is a massive shame.
"La isla bonita" - Madonna
Madge dances in a room with a lot of lit candles, then worries that her floaty dress will catch fire, and moves out to dance in the street. Very sensible.
"Ordinary day" - Curiosity Killed the Cat
Ben Volpeliere-Pierrot hangs out with the other guys in the band, and sings a banal lyric over an unmemorable backing track. They'd released this song twice before, and twice before it had failed to be a hit, perhaps because it's a bit rubbish.
Still, Ben Volauvent-Parrot is deemed "swoonsome" by the tweens, and that's enough to sell any old nonsense.
Breakers!
"Let my people go-go" - The Rainmakers. Should still be played a lot.
"Keep your eye on me" - Herb Alpert and his Amazing Dancing Secretaries on the high-wire.
"Still of the night" - Whitesnake, cramming every hair rock cliché into a thirty-second extract.
"I would rather go blind" - Ruby Turner
Etta James did the best-known version of this song, complete with heaps of hystrionics. Ruby's version is much more restrained, late-night jazz cafe stylings, complete with melodious sax solo.
"Let it be" - Ferry Aid
Fund-raiser following the Zeebrugge tragedy a month earlier.
Very Stock Aitken Waterman, clanking synth lines, twinkling bells, computerised drums plodding on relentlessly, and an "it'll do" production.
Artistically, there's about three great versions in here - Mel and Kim's, Jaki Graham and Edwin Starr, and the unlikely duet of Kim Wilde and Nik Kershaw.
Who's in the chorus? [ctd]
They let any passing celebs onto Ferry Aid, including:
Anne Diamond. Sir Simon Bates and Count Mike Read. Gloria Hunniford. Ruth Madoc. Sinitta's mum. Fay and Banksie from Grange Hill. Mary, Hannah, and Ali from Eastenders. Billy, Carmen, and Martina from Bread. Folk from West End musicals. Various Page 3 models.
And S/A/W priorities Carol Hitchcock, Sadie Nine, and Rick Astley.
Some of them will have big hits.
Our group declare to be true
Flippin' 'eck, Tucker!
Mike 🇬🇧 🇪🇺
Piers Cawley
Ian