Mastodawn

i've been keeping this a secret for half a year, but i can finally come clean now.

i spent months editing the entire star wars movie. at first i made subtle changes (colour correction, fake shot/reverse shot scenes, etc.), but as the movie went on, my edits got more and more absurd (extra powerpoint transition wipes, doom door open/close sound effects, etc.).

i can't upload the full thing for obvious reasons, but here's one of my favourite parts: the death star scene. spoilers for a movie that came out nearly four decades ago

(EDIT: now available to download)

here's an example of what the earlier edits looked like: i added a bunch of shot/reverse shots and colour grading changes to this scene. it's stupid but it gets me every time

"who?"

this is my favourite joke by far. i'm not even going to describe what it is here, i want you to experience even a fraction of the surprise that the people i showed this to in person had when watching it for the first time

i mentioned keeping it a secret in the first post. you might be wondering why i did that.

this is an example of what noodle on youtube calls a "gaslight edit". the point of these edits is to present them as if you were just watching the normal movie. as the movie goes on, the edits get more and more extreme, and the victim viewer begins to doubt their memory. eventually, the edits become ridiculous enough that it's obvious that the movie has been edited, at which point you reveal your sick and twisted nature

The Art of Wasting Everyone's Time

YouTube

at one point, all the assets for the project were occupying 60 gigabytes of space on my laptop. it was worth every byte

here's one for all the ed edd n eddy fans out there

i made this for my girlfriend roxie (https://bsky.app/profile/roxie.computerwit.ch). she loved it so much she added several of her own edits -- for example, the additional "...eight" in the prior scene

Whoaaaa Roxie's on a spare 🎳 (@roxie.computerwit.ch)

she/her | Shaking my normal pills like a maraca dog girl | anarcho-autism Somehow one of the Co-Directors of @prismaticmotorsports.com Last Seen Location: Brushing sausage roll crumbs off her dress somewhere in Manchester, UK. minors dni

Bluesky Social

due to popular demand... Star Wars: Lynne & Roxie Edition in all its glory! i don't really know what i'm doing with torrents, so hopefully this works 🤞

torrent file: https://files.catbox.moe/lpng8l.torrent

magnet link: magnet:?xt=urn:btih:49042979e90ba04bab45c43c24b7fbbe98bc570e&dn=SWLRE&tr=udp%3A%2F%2Ftracker.opentrackr.org%3A1337%2Fannounce

please seed!

newtbytes 10h ago

@lynnesbian New girls sleepover night idea!!

SYNTAX_ERROR 10h ago

@lynnesbian Seeding powers... Activated...

Jenny (cozy node)

@lynnesbian fun fact this torrent killed my phone a little bit and I had to use a real computer instead

@SymTrkl hahaha i'm glad you liked it!

@SymTrkl @lynnesbian ok wow that is not how big a 02:12:39 movie should be

@SymTrkl @lynnesbian it is hevc??? fucking hevc and 15gb??? bwh u couldve just as well encoded it with xvid to this size

(feel free to ignore me but miku damn)

@SymTrkl @lynnesbian how was this encoded. i know video editors tend to have dogshit export options so thats that, i can assume something like nvenc (with bad defaults)

@SymTrkl @lynnesbian also chances are the source material was not 1080p so 1080p here mightve been largely a waste

@SymTrkl @lynnesbian oh nvm apparently thereve been some rereleases at high resolution so its whatever

@SymTrkl @lynnesbian anyway i prospect this couldve very well been under 1gb

@zaire @SymTrkl originally it was ~4.5GB. when roxie added her edits and reexported it, she chose a super high bitrate (because she has Video Quality Autism) and yeah 16GB movie

@lynnesbian @SymTrkl i have the video unquality autism then lol (were i to wait for an encode to finish at 540p it would be a bit over 300mb probably, at 1080p 1gb at the very most but most likely ~800mb)

@lynnesbian Jed, Jedd 'n' Jedi

alina cyborg mouse

neomouse_cyborg

@lynnesbian the moment I saw you talking about this I knew this must be a gaslight edit. gosh noodle's video about it was so good

dmi 💽 12h ago

@lynnesbian yess fellow noodle enjoyer :D

alina cyborg mouse

neomouse_cyborg

@lynnesbian you have been given too much power

Dot Maetrix 13h ago

@lynnesbian I was not ready, and then I was not ready again. Amazing

the illustrious IRIS JAY 12h ago

@lynnesbian these are all absolutely incredible

Primavera, inevitável

anarchy_punk_nonbinary

@lynnesbian "E"

Dot Maetrix 13h ago

@lynnesbian "he"

@DotMaetrix i will admit that my skills and precision with ffmpeg -to 01:23:45 leave something to be desired

☮️ & 🍺 on 🌏10h ago

@DotMaetrix @lynnesbian he.

Primavera, inevitável

anarchy_punk_nonbinary

@lynnesbian this is how it was meant to be released

Renewable Guydraulic Menergy 13h ago

you put this onto a dodgy file hosting platform and you post that link this instant!

@jackdaw_ruiz your wish is granted: https://fedi.lynnesbian.space/@lynnesbian/116337862887433192

Renewable Guydraulic Menergy 10h ago

thank you lynne. now i just have to go home, far away from my awful terrible office firewall that fully fuckin blocks ports for torrents. 😩

dmi 💽 13h ago

@lynnesbian … i’d upload it to archive.org, this sounds rad :D

fits the definition of being transformative, so it’s fair use under the US law. whether that’d get ignored by whoever processes the DMCA is another thing, but i totally thing you should upload this :3

(also: looking at your other post; making an archive.org release also makes a torrent. I’d seed.)

Internet Archive: Digital Library of Free & Borrowable Texts, Movies, Music & Wayback Machine

Kranston 13h ago

@lynnesbian it's probably too early in the movie to make such an edit, but it would be funny if han solo just shot greedo 30 times in a row on sight

@sudo_EatPant it took so much restraint not to touch that scene. i had so many ideas...

@sudo_EatPant i made this for my girlfriend roxie. she loved it so much that she added a few of her own edits. she had an idea for the "han shoots first" scene, which couldn't be added to the actual movie because it would give it away, but she left it in as a post credits easter egg type thing

Runner 🏳️‍⚧️12h ago

@lynnesbian I never thought about it before but shopping for power converters being "wasting time with your friends" tells us a lot about Luke

Also what friends

✨メッツォ✨

@lynnesbian does it have at least one Cerveza Cristal?

@cinebox there is not one, not two, but... actually, no, there's just one

Balina!!11h ago

@lynnesbian This whole thread is incredible, thank you for sharing this horrible beauty with us. <3

newtbytes 11h ago

@lynnesbian omg this is amazing, now you have to invite friend to watch Star Wars and see how long it takes for them to notice hat there's anything different

newtbytes 11h ago

@lynnesbian oh and PLEASE upload this on the internet archive or something

evil shoofle 10h ago

@lynnesbian this is fucking incredible