My therapist doesn’t really give me advice. She has a certain way of talking, looking at me, having a certain body language that either provokes me or inspires me - or my subconsciousness - to come up with alternate solutions, ways of thinking, behaviors and whatnot. Only when I’m apathetic, catatonic, having a panic attack or otherwise incapacitated does she actively provide concrete advice.

At first, I wanted to punch her in her above-it-all stuck up face, but two years later, I’m so grateful for her and her methodology. She has helped me developed my introspective skills. She has helped me heighten my senses so that I can feel such small changes in my mood that I otherwise wouldn’t have been able to notice.

With that out of the way, these are some of the most miraculous moments that I have had with her:

we were in the midst of recreating a traumatic episode from my childhood. My mind - but really I, myself - was there and then. Just as I finished reliving the moment of abuse and I was crying to the point of hyperventilation, I heard my therapist’s voice saying, extremely quietly and gently, although not whispering: “if I would’ve been there, I would’ve said, that *** (the abusive action) is not okay.” This was so healing. All my life (30+ years), I had carried the burden of believing that I am stupid, ugly and worthless because of this episode. This is the first time anybody told me otherwise.

she helped me visualize and understand that my childhood trauma is a constant/static element, which is not changeable, and that my current health is made up of variables/dynamic elements, which are changeable. This was such a eureka moment, because it made me realize, that I should work on stopping fighting the child in within. He, my history, is not “the enemy”. What I want to change is how I feel about or relate to him in the present and future.