There was a Hollywood agent who specialized in hand actors. They had actors skilled at clapping, or "clappers" as they were known. They had artistically trained bird-flippers. They had ASL specialists. They even had a modest list of talented shadow puppeteers.

One day, Kubrick's casting team called the agent with an urgent need for a role in his upcoming movie about a pageant queen parade that ends in tragedy. She would ride on a float at the front of the parade, and he needed her to be particularly good at making beautifully stiff hand motions, since, in this film, that's the precipitating cause of the accident.

There would be close-ups. This opportunity could make a lucky hand-actor's career.

But the agent declined. You see, they didn't already have an actor who fit the bill, so they'd have to sign a waver.

My mind was not going to let me sleep until I wrote a joke. Any joke.

Now I can lay my pun-miner to rest for the night.

I borrowed from my heritage of my dad's shaggy dog stories to write this one. (It was super late and I had insomnia, so this morning I can see room for improvements.)
@corbden i groaned audibly.
Which means it was a great pun.
A lot of work on the the setup, but you definitely nailed the delivery.
@corbden ....ffffffffffucking hells sake. alright. fine. fine. FINE. you've earned the boost lmfao.

@corbden This morning, I woke up, laid in bed, decided to check the Internet before making a decision about getting up, checked work slack, and saw I had literally just that moment been messaged by a coworker about a problem they were having and could I help. I rushed out of bed, took my pills, got dressed, and helped them resolve the incident. As a result, I’m a little offkilter, a little unstable, not really feeling it today.

And then I read this… [sigh]

@tithonium Would you say you were starting to waiver?
@corbden Why are you like this? (Rhetorical)
@corbden
I just read this to my hubby, who face-palmed.
@corbden Very contrived, very elaborate, very groanable!
@corbden @quadrivial 👏Nicely done, especially with the long setup 🤣