What’s the thought process behind trash-talking someone while simultaneously wanting to be with them?
My ex has been ranting to people about how I’m such a slut, while at the same time pestering me about him coming to Switzerland to see me and getting back together. I don’t get this mindset.
You guys broke up, he’s immature, doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions and takes it out on mocking you.
Just ignore/block him.
You’ve bruised his ego by rejecting him in favor of sexual agency. Society says that is a corrupt thing for a woman to do, which provides the means of lashing out for the perceived insult.
Beyond that I would have to speculate too much about his state of mind. It could be sexual conquest. It could be genuine heartbreak. Men’s egos are often fragile at young ages, and frequently they don’t know their own minds.
Even if you were so inclined, that would be creating a precedent for tolerating such treatment, and that would be unhealthy all the way around.
Hello from Switzerland 👋
Agree with all the other comments, that’s just manipulative. I guess he’s also hurt, but that doesn’t excuse his behavior. I’ve also been hurt in the past and I understand the impulse to lash out, but it doesn’t lead anywhere if you do, so… better keep your distance.
I don’t think there is much of a thought process. Or at least his actions are emotionally consistent but not intellectual consistent.
Being broken up with is painful, either as a sense of loss or as ego pain.
In order to make both disappear he needs to get back with you, but if he only cares about making the ego pain disappear he just needs to convince himself he is better off without you, and the easy way to convince yourself of something is to convince others.
So both actions are just him responding to (what I assume is) ego pain, neither of them are necessarily informed by his true perception of who you are.
How did your boyfriend talk about you to third parties while you were together?
Congrats, you spotted a flag! You seem a bit confused about the color. It’s red, very very red! Here is why:
He’s angry at you. Why? Because you don’t do as he says or wants.
He then trash talks about you. Why? Because he is angry, and wants to hurt you, but not openly on your face no no. Because if he did hurt you openly, he knows you are smart enough to never again do what he wants and as he says.
Did you get that right? I said, He wants to hurt you
Finally, he asks you to go be with him. Why? Well he wants you for something. But if it were to give you love and affection, he wouldn’t be trash talking about you in the first place. He just wants someone to validate him, someone he can control. Obviously. Nobody in their right mind wants someone who they say is a slut and they are angry at. Unless, of course, you can still fulfill his need for validation and control.
Run away Don’t give this person the time of the day
him coming to Switzerland to see me and getting back together.
Why don’t you tell him that you have moved on to Moldova now?
/s
That might be just venting, but not knowing how or with who is not a good sign, quite immature.
I’ve been there, wanting to say awful things about someone I wanted to get back with. You either vent with someone that knows you don’t really mean it or just shut the fuck up and suck it up.
Maybe he has low self-esteem and believes that you’re only going to be with him if he makes you feel bad (i.e get you down on his level).
Needless to say, it’s a very harmful behavior to him and specially to you.
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