I don't know what to do. If I transition my job would become unsafe and I'd have to leave it. I'd also lose most of my retirement because I don't vest for a few more years . I'd also lose student loan forgiveness. I turn 40 soon. My relationship would end but I wouldn't be out on the street. My mental health is already shit and I don't know if I could get a good paying job elsewhere. So how the hell would I pay for transition? How can I choose to impoverish myself?