Kristine
A friendship developed but friends had different hopes and intention for future and a break was inevitable. The friend may return at some point to rekindle friendship. This friend has nowhere to be, no interest in finding other friends or friendships to replace what is lost, and would very much appreciate said friendship. Should I
Stay - they may return and it may be great
0%
Go - leave this. No good will ever come of this
100%
Poll ended at .
Mar 16 at 5:29pmWeb
Show threadKristineMar 16

Current status: The predominant opinion is that if there has been any interest of something more from either party, even when no such interest has been explored but merely the knowledge of it, a fully functional and healthy platonic friendship can never occur.

Needless to say, I want this friendship but am starting to realize that is going against common sense of my peer group.

Reaching out to my community #forkiverse and the people of #friends and #friendship

Correct. Platonic is off the table
25%
Nope. Time heals and you can get there
75%
Poll ended at .
Show threadanyone_can_whistleMar 16
@Kristine I don't understand the question in the first poll but you can definitely get to platonic after asymmetric interest -- I have. Sometimes it might require a healthy break though.
Show threadKristineMar 16
@anyone_can_whistle I am at that break part. And my question in the initial poll was if there was ever a way forward, or if I should stop waiting. I want my person to return and be happy and content with the platonic relationship I can offer. I care about their happiness and I am wondering if their happiness would be better kept intact if I removed myself from a future potential friendship. Can I ask, what is a healthy break in your experience?
Show threadanyone_can_whistleMar 16
@Kristine I've been both the more interested and the less interested. It's easier for me to remember what I needed in the case where I was more interested. I think it was 6 months. It probably depends on how deep the relationship and feelings were. In my case it was relatively new friendship/crush. It may also depend on the other person really taking the opportunity to get excited about someone new. Even if that doesn't work out, it tends to cool the memory of whatever came before.
Show threadMoe StuMar 17

@Kristine We are talking years of healing here, though, right? Not just weeks or months.

Sorry you are going through all this, by the way. It sounds really hard. I can relate. Take care.

Show threadKristineMar 17
@moe_stu Thanks. It's been a few months.
Show threadMela BeeMar 17
@Kristine Have you asked the other person what they want/need?
Show threadKristineMar 17
@Melabee my person needs some time to process this hurt and figure out what is possible. I have made it clear that I want to be their friend, that I am sad we are not anymore, and that I am here if they ever want to change that. That's been acknowledged. I think want is not a synonym of need here. I believe both want a friendship, and the question if that is possible or if they need to stay away to keep sanity and avoid future hurt.
Show threadMela BeeMar 17
@Kristine Okay well if it was me at this point, I would let it go. I don't ask for a timeline. If they want friendship again some day, I will be open to it. If not, oh well. No action to take on my part. If I see them in the meantime, I'm polite and respectful. I don't interact online. I don't contact them. I leave the ball in their court.
Show threadKristineMar 17
@Melabee sounds like what I am currently doing. I acknowledge it is out of my hands, but that lack of control annoys me and saddens me. Thanks for your thoughts.
Show threadπ˜π—Όπ—Ί3d ago
@Kristine there are no absolutes. Sounds like you need a blunt conversation.
Show threadMikeeMar 16

@Kristine I cannot answer this in these terms.

There is unhealthy if one party is unwilling to do emotional work.

There is also the huge potential for hurt.

But, there's also still the potential for nourishment and honesty and support.

I have dear friends who are amazing, who I'd love to love differently, but we both agree that's not a thing. Ok, I'm an adult and can accept that. They're still an awesome friend.

If the party who wants more can't or won't accept it's off the table, that is where the issue is.

Show threadKristineMar 16
@Thegriffyn thanks for your insights. Yes, indeed emotional work is needed. And I am giving my person time to process that hurt with, or mostly without, my help. So I wanted to understand if I am hopelessly waiting, if there is still a possibility for sufficient process and happiness for both parties at some point or if I should accept terms will never be mutually accepted and that I just need to realize this. People in question are in 40-50 range, so some life experience. Thank you.