I hope peaceful but very loud resistance protestors disrupt John Roberts' church today.
I hope John Roberts has to get up in the middle of the night to pee because of his enlarged prostate and stubs his baby toe REALLY hard on the metal corner of his bedframe.
I hope John Roberts comes home tonight and is astounded to find, on his front porch, a completely functional time machine so he travels back to 1787 to actually meet the Framers of the U.S. Constitution except he contracts cholera and dies painfully but not from the cholera itself but rather from the 18th century physicians who apply leeches and let his blood until he becomes fatally exsanguinated.
#OriginalistMedicineI hope John Roberts goes to an exclusive party thrown by a D.C. powerbroker and accidentally picks up a roofied drink intended for a young intern and the intern gets home safely but Roberts gets completely wasted and a recently-fired WaPo photojournalist who now has to try and make a living as a freelancer gets a really embarrassing photo and it goes viral and now everyone is sure the Chief Justice is an alkie.
I hope John Roberts' pillow is too hot tonight no matter how many times he flips it looking for the cool side.
I hope John Roberts' law clerks all were sick today so he had to actually do his own legal research and he ended up wandering angrily around the Supreme Court law library stacking heavy volumes of West's case law on tables and wondering why the hell the Shephards annual, monthly, and weekly pocket parts haven't been kept up to date.
#lawI hope John Roberts picks up a can of leftover Coke he finds on the counter and accidentally swallows a giant dead housefly.
I hope John Roberts is rooting for the Patriots.
#SuperBowlI hope John Roberts wants to watch "Bugonia" with Jesse Plemons and Emma Stone tonight and then realizes he doesn't subscribe to Peacock.
I hope John Roberts leaves the Supreme Court bathroom with a long strip of toilet paper stuck to his heel and all the clerks laugh at him behind his back.
I hope John Roberts is alone in his study tonight surreptitiously watching some old man-young actress porn that Clarence Thomas recommended and then his wife walks in and is visibly disgusted.
I hope John Roberts is really excited to watch the women's halfpipe finals in the Olympics today but his TV shows nothing but flickering black and white vertical lines and the warranty just expired.
I hope someone showed John Roberts Ian McKellan's performance of "The Stranger's Case speech" on Colbert and he objected loudly, "Bullshit. I took a Shakespeare class at Harvard and they never mentioned a play called 'Sir Thomas More'!" and a passing stranger responded, 'well, I attended the excellent public university U.C. Davis and they certainly taught ME that. Sorry you paid so much for a shitty education, loser," and then Justice Roberts felt confused and embarrassed.
https://youtu.be/Nwd6vcfR3HI?si=UxmdNUxvUqO22inr
The Stranger's Case - Sir Ian McKellen
I hope John Roberts' wife hands him a giant heart-shaped box of candy for Valentine's Day today and he feels happy and romantic but when he opens it it contains nothing but maple creams and artificial cherry flavored wax lips.
I hope John Roberts was impotent last night on Valentine's Day and then this morning he felt more vigorous but his wife said she had a Sunday morning nail appointment and then she was away an oddly long time just for a nail appointment.
I hope John Roberts drives over a pothole on his way to work this morning and instantly a giant crack appears in his windshield.
I hope one of John Roberts' adult kids watched last night's Colbert and was shocked to learn how CBS obeyed the tyrant in advance by censoring the planned show, and so picked up the phone and said, "Dad, I love you, but I'm really angry and disappointed in you for empowering these assholes, and I think it's best if we don't talk for a while."
I hope John Roberts has to leave work early because of an incredibly intense migraine focused exactly behind his right eye.
I hope John Roberts wakes in the middle of the night tonight with the realization that, because of him, the British Royal Family has more accountability than the President of the United States, and before he can even haul himself out of bed pukes on his duvet in spontaneous, visceral repulsion at his own execrable betrayal of the American principles he pretends to live by.
I hope John Roberts doesn't get invited to Leonard Leo's birthday party even though Leo is who asked the Supreme Court to strike down Trump's tariffs, and that Roberts feels sad and lonely about that.
I hope John Roberts stopped at the library today eager to borrow a copy of John Grisham's latest novel but they told him the waitlist was 12 weeks long.
I hope last night John Roberts was visited by the ghosts of Thurgood Marshall, William F. Brennan, and Louis Brandeis, and they all told him that unlike Scrooge there was no hope of salvation for him as Antonin Scalia, wrapped in chains and half-buried in burning feces, nodded sad confirmation.
I hope John Roberts lost track of the days over the weekend and fell asleep last night thinking it was still Saturday and slept in this morning and was relaxing in his easy chair with a cup of coffee when the phone rang with a frantic clerk wondering where the hell he was.
I hope John Roberts' mail carrier intentionally fails to deliver his mail today.
Supreme Court rules USPS cannot be sued for undelivered mail in 5-4 decision | Fox News https://www.foxnews.com/us/postal-service-cant-sued-intentionally-not-delivering-mail-supreme-court-rules-5-4-split
Postal Service can't be sued for intentionally not delivering mail, Supreme Court rules in 5-4 split
Supreme Court rules 5-4 that U.S. Postal Service cannot be sued for intentionally failing to deliver mail, citing federal sovereign immunity protections.
I hope the five Supreme Court justices who didn't attend the State of the Union last night instead went out for bowling and cocktails and had a really nice time and in hindsight John Roberts feels like he made the wrong choice about how to spend his evening.
I hope John Roberts wore his favorite old Led Zeppelin concert tee to bed last night like pajamas and this morning when he was taking it off it tore really badly right across Robert Plant's face.
I hope John Roberts needs to call the Mexican embassy for some information about a travel visa for a future vacation and the automated system says for instructions in English press 2 and he presses 2 because he doesn't speak Spanish and then the voice continues in Spanish but with a British accent.
(Reference: https://apnews.com/article/washington-dol-spanish-accent-ai-3a1b8438a5674c07242a8d48c057d5a3 )
Washington state hotline callers hear AI voice with Spanish accent
Callers to Washington state’s driver’s license agency who select automated service in Spanish have instead been hearing an AI voice speaking English with a strong Spanish accent. The voice slipped Spanish numbers into key phrases. A recording of the odd-sounding accent drew attention on social media. And one person described the experience as “hilarious,” “absurd” and like a scene out of “Parks and Recreation.” The Department of Licensing has apologized and says it fixed the problem.
I hope John Roberts goes out for Middle Eastern food tonight and his waiter secretly spits in his hummus.
I hope John Roberts' knee hurts really badly for no obvious reason so he limps everywhere he walks today and he has no idea why but damn it *really* hurts.
I hope John Roberts throws up a little in his mouth today.
(Digression: obscene decisions like this are why, in this thread, I'm making it a practice to curse U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts every single day: https://apnews.com/article/supreme-court-transgender-students-california-cca311ae39d267f31c1392a0bcf780cd
I've been a lawyer for nearly four decades. I've been PROUD to be a lawyer! On the day I graduated from law school I was privileged to shake hands with our commencement speaker, the outstanding liberal justice William F. Brennan. Lawyers and jurists like Brennan have been responsible for much of the social progress America slowly made through most of the 20th century, and I foolishly thought that that progress would mostly continue.
John Roberts represents the betrayal of that proud tradition. More broadly, John Roberts represents everything that is wrong with privilege and whiteness and toxic maleness and greed. So yes, I curse John Roberts, in small ways and large, every single fucking day. Because he has betrayed a noble calling, and the instant there's someone in the Oval Office who won't make Eileen Cannon chief justice, my final curse will be a general, passive wish for John Roberts to die painfully and slowly (but not too slowly).
But until then I curse him creatively, trying to bring a little humor to my rage.)
Supreme Court blocks California schools' transgender policy
The Supreme Court is clearing the way for California schools to tell parents if their children identify as transgender without getting the student’s approval, granting an emergency appeal from a conservative legal group. The Monday order blocks for now a state law that bans automatic parental notification requirements. The lawsuit came to the court’s emergency docket after religious parents and educators challenged California policies aimed at preventing schools from outing children to their families. The parents say schools misled them and facilitated social transition despite their objections. The state said students have the right to privacy, especially if they fear rejection from their families.
I hope John Roberts has an annoying blob of earwax in one ear and goes to the hall closet for a q-tip but the Costco-sized box they've had literally for years is completely empty and that ear is really bugging him so instead he halfway unbends a small paperclip and uses the smaller loop to dig out the dried wax and he tries to be careful but the paperclip was dirty or he scratches something and anyway he develops a really nasty ear infection that makes him dizzy and gives him headaches and tinnitus.
I hope today John Roberts tries to pick up a neighbor's cute, nice-seeming cat for a cuddle and it freaks out and scratches him badly right on the cheek.
I hope John Roberts' shoelace breaks, and not at home where he could just change shoes. And that those shoes have fairly short laces anyway, and that it breaks right at the eyelet where the knot will get in the way.
I hope John Roberts orders Chinese for lunch and it comes with those chopsticks that are rectangular in cross-section instead of round and when he separates them it splinters just a little and he gets a tiny splinter in the ball of his index finger and it's one of those splinters that's set so deeply there's only a tiny little nub sticking out that's not enough to grab with tweezers but every time he picks up a pen or taps a keyboard it jiggles it and hurts annoyingly.
@msbellows I hope there are blackberry canes in the side yard this weekend when he goes back there to see what the smell is
and one of them smacks him across the back of his leg
@sarae Tell me more about the smell. (And are there blackberries in D.C.?)
@msbellows I think it's going to be very hard for him to find the smell
the smell comes and goes
@sarae Is... is it under the floorboards?
@msbellows sometimes
other times it sort of wafts down from the soffits
and then it comes right out of the floor vents sometimes and holy shit
@sarae You are, in other words, cursing him with the mystery smell in
@douglasvb's house, but worse.
Yesss. Good.
M.S. Bellows, Jr.
Sara
Weird Socks