Our group declare to be trueWell, dinner time was spent well, Kate Bottley and Sarah Keyworth on the BBC2 cosy quiz hour.
But now it's time to turn on #TOTP.
(sees that it's Zeebzone)
(curses that there's not a bigger pile of washing up)
In the week of our first Mystery Year, the Toronto Maple Leafs sent their players out in new jerseys, with the players' names stitched on - but in the same colour as the jersey. Harold Ballard, owner of the ice hockey team, said, "I've complied with the NHL bylaw. The names are stitched on, three inches high. It's a pity you can't see them."
Our host is Little Noely Edmonds.
Tonight's theme is "how many people can we fit on a TOTP stage?" We know Boyzone just set the record with 12, but what of earlier efforts?
"Is this love" - Bob Marley & the Wailers (and charts)
"Come back my love" - Darts
We're in the era of spangly jackets, covers of obscure songs from twenty years earlier, and completely overstaffed stages.
Nine folk on here! That must be a record!
"Emotions" - Samantha Sang
Ooh, walking into shot through a swirling vortex of stage smoke. That's meant to look mysterious, actually feels like a third-rate sci-fi show.
Sounds like she's being accompanied by The Bee Gees, in the sense that Gary Barlobe was accompanied by Lulu.
"Don't take no for an answer" - Tom Robinson Band
Take a look at the folk lounging on the scenery in the wide shot - surely that's David Jensen, Esq.
Tom's in his school uniform, and the pink triangle of homosexual men (the rainbow flag wouldn't be invented for a few months).
The keyboardist rocks in furry gloves but boring jeans are a little off-mode.
Almost perfect punk: sharp, punchy, leaves us wanting more.
"Words" - Rita Coolidge
Is this worse than Boyzone? Or is it better, on the grounds that Rita is less gruff than Ronan Keating?
"Fantasy" - Earth, Wind and Fire
#TOTP dance troupe Flick of the Wrist twirl in multi-coloured leotards and ruffs, with extra-flouncy bits of netting and some scaffolding.
The group never turned up to the studio, the skivers, but all six big hits got a #OneForTheDads dance routine.
"Sad" - Andy Williams
An emerald green jumper, and the mike used by Terry Wogan when he was in a couple of months back. Great way to send us all to sleep and make the next song pop.
Andy would eventually return to the studio, and we saw "Music to watch girls by" just a few weeks ago.
"Take a chance on me" - ABBA
The video, of course.
"Baker street" - Gerry Rafferty
With saxophone solo by Raf Ravenscroft (pictured).
Our first Mystery Year was 1978.
Our second Mystery Year comes from the day i went to the House of Commons.
Part of a sixth-form visit, we had talks from MPs and peers and civil servants, and some very sharp questions from the audience.
Capped the day with tea as the guest of various luminaries - i was on a table with Tony Benn, who was absolutely in his element.
So, what did i miss on #TOTP that night? Dame Jakki Brambles hosting, for one.
"Adrenalin" - N-Joi
Blimey, that's fast cutting! Perfect timing to get every shot in just the right place; vision mixer Ian Trill earned his corn this week.
Spotlight is on the dancers, a person of indeterminate gender wearing a red-and-black tracksuit; and a female wearing a cropped top. Both pull shapes and throw moves as if their lives were threatened by robots and they had to blend in.
Saffron, the female dancer, will return to TOTP with her band Republica.
"Because i love you (the postman song)" - Stevie B
"Begone, lad, and stop snivelling" - Smash Hits
Stevie B had previously produced BVSMP's "I need you". He hit paydirt when this track was interpreted as a sign of "support" for "our troops" in the Gulf; it is actually a conversation between B and his deity.
Stevie B's greatest enemy is his voice: he wants to sound like Lionel Richie, but only has the vocal power to be Trevor Maltedmilk.
"All right now" - Free
Video is footage from the 1972 Isle of Wight festival, cunningly spliced to make it look like the band are playing the song.
Used in a commercial for chewing gum. Which was not free, you had to pay to munch the plastic, and pay again for the fillings it pulled out.
Wrigley's Spearmint Gum Alright Now UK Advert
"Unfinished sympathy" - Massive
Yes! *Ten* people on the stage. Up yours, Darts!
Dance music for the head, understated lighting, and stage smoke just wafting along the floor.
Single Of The Year according to Melody Maker. Greatest song of all time according to Paul Oakenfold.
Sorry, Kate, *this* is Song of the Night.
Another debut act on tonight's show.
"Should i stay or should i go" - The Clash
The Clash had never been seen in the studio or on video before - something to do with not wanting to mime, allegedly.
The notoriously anti-capitalist punk band lived their principles every day of their life, and would never demean themselves by flogging songs to sell jeans.
Levi's 1991 Pool Hall Clash (Should I stay or should I go)
Breakers! "It's too late" - Quartz Introducing Dina Carroll, interrupting a fine game of 2d chess.
"Don't go messin' with my heart" - Mantronix. Lots of arty shots of the singer, and other pretty models, and billowing sheets. Could have seen more of this.
"Free 'n' easy" - Almighty. Loud and lairy and packed a mighty racket. This debut top 40 hit is rock music for the crotch, not a patch on the band's other lyrics.
"Who? where? why?" - Jesus Jones
Jesus Jones were so fresh we could still smell the cellophane wrapping.
They were EMF without the childish punk excesses. They were the Pet Shop Boys only younger and smarter - and probably straighter, though the self-doubt in this track is very much typical of Mike Edwards' lyrics.
Fourth single from the album "Doubt", which i played on the coach down and on the coach back from London.
"Who? where? why?" - Jesus Jones
When TOTP crosses over with #JukeboxFridayNight and today's topic #AskAQuestion.
JFN folks, here's the song.
Jesus Jones - Who? Where? Why? TOTP
"You've got the love" - The Source ft Candi Staton
Cheap video, and i think it fits - because the song feels like it's a bit of a shared secret.
The mashup - Candi Staton's vocal, Simon Harris's instrumental - had already been a minor dancefloor filler in 1986 when mixed by Farley "Jackmaster" Funk, and it had inspired Paul Simpson's club hit "Musical freedom".
Dudula the Dud@daweaver The days of floppy hair.
NakeyVeganJoe@daweaver coool! Just listened to the song Right Here Right Now
Girl about village@daweaver hee hee
Paul Barnfather@daweaver the vocals are *dripping* with thickener fx - and still sound weedy
Dan Hatton@daweaver I was on one of those in 1994. A good day out, but couldn't help being a little envious that the girls' school next door to my school, on their equivalent visit the previous year, had got Dennis Skinner doing the showing-round.
@only_ohm (checks my notes) Robert Adley for my group, an old-school One Nation Tory.
Perfectly affable bloke, if very idiosyncratic. Absolutely obsessed with the railways - most upset that our school had come on a motor coach.
And a fine raconteur, some of the tales he told are probably still libellous even though everyone's dead.