Lex Friedman
What's your policy on the earliest you can send texts? Specifically if you don't know whether the person's phone is in Do Not Disturb. Or do we assume everyone uses that setting on their devices?
Mar 5 at 12:42pmWeb
Show threadJonathan GulbrandsenMar 5
@lexfri I just regularly and by principle use scheduled send in Messages for friends and family. Usually 9am the. Same at work so I don’t create unnecessary stress after hours.
Show threadLex FriedmanMar 5
@JonathanGulbrandsen That's generally my philosophy. I'm waiting to text an Android user and Apple won't let me schedule it. Annoyingly.
Show threadJonathan GulbrandsenMar 5
@lexfri this works on regular SMS! 😀https://sheesh.blog/posts/scheduled-send/
Schedule a text message on iPhone, iPad, and Mac

In this blog post I walk through how to get scheduled send for Messages.app, or "schedule a text message to send later on iPhone", with no third-party apps required!

Show threadCasey LissMar 5
@lexfri If they don’t use DND that’s their fault, not yours.
Show threadLex FriedmanMar 5
@caseyliss I agree with you, but also don't want to wake up my friends.
Show threadCasey LissMar 5

@lexfri Speaking from experience, being your friend is already painful enough, so what’s one more pain point?

😘 😘

Show threadDaniel ☀Mar 5
@lexfri @caseyliss If they tell me that my text wake them, then I now I can’t text this specific people. Otherwise, I assume everyone uses DND or mutes their phone.
Show threadDavid MichaelsMar 5
@caseyliss @lexfri I'm with Casey, it's a setting that has been around for long enough that I wouldn't hesitate to message someone at any hour.
Show threadMatthew HaugheyMar 5
@caseyliss @lexfri honestly given the state of iOS even with my phone set to defaults I can’t predict whose texts will ping me after hours and which ones won’t.
Show threadCasey LissMar 5

@mathowie @lexfri tbh this is also a great point. Erin constantly has texts break through her DND.

I’m sure it’s for a reason, but I’ll be damned if I know what that reason is.

Show threadDavid G. SmithMar 5

@caseyliss @mathowie @lexfri
Could it be…?

((NB. Moon icon is flipped horizontally) all in purple text above iMessage entry field:)

“🌙 _______ has notifications silenced.”

(Person enters and sends text anyway. Gray button with purple text appears:)

“Notify Anyway.”

(Tap and get an animation of dinging.)

🤷‍♂️

Show threadChris PepperMar 5
@caseyliss @mathowie @lexfri VIP or explicit exemption inside settings for that DND sub-mode?
Show threadConnor GrahamMar 5
@caseyliss @mathowie @lexfri Check in Settings > Focus > [affected focus mode] and see if Intelligent Breakthrough & Silencing is enabled.
Show threadChancerubbageMar 5

@caseyliss @mathowie @lexfri

You can whitelist people in your contacts to ‘break through’ anytime, which many people do with family.

To be honest, if I’m asleep, driving or doing the dishes, I’m not likely to notice that either. I will sleep right through a middle of my nap text.

Show threadJimmyMar 7

@caseyliss @mathowie @lexfri I have the opposite problem. My wife is emergency contact, VIP, and cleared to break through both of the focus modes I use, but I haven’t been alerted to a text from her after 9pm in years.

I cannot for the life of me figure out why.

Show threadLex FriedmanMar 7
@jimmylittle the address or number she has as her default to iMessage from?
Show threadJimmyMar 8

@lexfri I figured it out (I think)! After years of messing with Focus Mode and Notification settings to no avail, I opened my Contacts app. She was in there twice, both with the same phone number and name.

I merged the contacts, so maybe that will fix it. 🤞

Show threadTomMar 5
@lexfri 7am unless I know they're morning people or I know they use good focus mode practice.
Show threadPaul ReinheimerMar 5
@lexfri in 2026 I’m comfortable letting other people control their device notification settings. I can send texts at any time.
Show threadMarc Robinson Mar 5
@lexfri Daily alerts from calendar kick off at 9:00am. I generally piggyback on that.
Show threadGSStamasMar 5
@lexfri DND is very unreliable for me. If I wouldn’t phone I wouldn’t text.
Show threadCaptain BillyMar 5
@lexfri when I schedule an early text, I set it to at least 9am in their time zone.
Show threadTodd VaziriMar 5

@lexfri I do NOT assume everyone uses DND

that said, 7am in almost all cases

Show threadLeon CowleMar 5
@lexfri with no knowledge of their DND use, I try to avoid 10pm thru 7am. Not always possible, but I try.
Show threadChancerubbageMar 5

@lexfri I’m pretty sure you will just see ‘notifications silenced’ if you text anyone at any time if day, inopportune, desired or not.

I think of texting as an asynchronous medium that can certainly become real time interactive frequently. But I don’t assume or demand or expect a
real time answer in most cases.

Sometimes one’s hands are busy working or driving, and I would prefer a voice conversation. But many are loathe to ever do that these days, whether eavesdroppers surround or not.

Show threadChancerubbageMar 5

@lexfri

My watch seems a bit more insistent on pinging me re text or notification, but those I use ‘do not disturb’ and it is fairly clear which of my friends do as well.

Some only address such conversations during their sit down at a computer time, and that throws off its own clues.