For the record, I'm already falling asleep. Satan give me strength, because God wants no part in this.
SO MUCH CHEEK FILLER
If cheek filler was radioactive, all of DC would be slowly dying demon core style.
My cat isn't appreciating this deviation from our normal routine.
I know most people in my circles are boycotting this speech, but consider: he could die of a heart attack at any moment.
The most endearing thing about Americans is that we never have a clue when we're supposed to stand up or sit down.

Let's start the Like no one has ever seen before count.

1

recorded history goes back about a hundred years?
ah making up shit. I can't really follow it.

He still doesn't understand that tariffs are on Americas.

Also we're the hottest country, presumably that the national mar-a-lago face

More Americans are working today than ever, especially those lazy-ass kids.
the way he says the state of our union is strong makes me want to sue him for sexual assault
*incoherent screaming*
(no really, I swear)
JD Vance is going to rip off his face to reveal that he's Cthulu any moment now
The American women's hockey team will soon becoming to the Whitehouse, hog tied and sedated.
"It's called the presidential medal of freedom" you know it's what you get at the Olympics, famously
they're doing a standing ovation for the LA Olympics. You know that thing that happens every four years that the president does, on his own.
Once again just making up numbers, from a disaster he ...kind of... caused.
Sorry I dozed off there for a bit
$5,000 for the year for Megan! That should get you a couple month's rent!
I know y'all don't want to watch this because he's an evil man, but consider, he's also stultifyingly boring as well.
I don't know how many times i have to say this: TARIFFS ARE PAID BY AMERICANS CONSUMERS
My poor partner finally broke with a "that's not how anything works!"
We know honey, we know.
Oh nice he's going hard enough on the mic to get distortion
new theory, I think I'm onto something, I think he's a markov chain that loops back so, so often.
LIKE IT'S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE
I literally have no idea what he's talking about now.
HERE COME 600% REDUCTIONS par-tay
We're all praying for Cathy
something something rate payer for ai shit
it's going to be GREAT for everyone who doesn't get nose bleeds from the noise pollution
ok, so social security and medicare people, start worrying.
GUYS GUYS 1000 AMERICAN DOLLARS EACH YEAR your retirement is finally safe
we got a new war on something. couldn't make out what
WOOOHOOO WE'RE GONNA BEAT that thing
Maybe somali pirates? in landlocked states? we're goin to town people

Please stand up to the crippled child.

Man I don't even know how to make fun of this.

apparently we're going to outlaw a thing that's already not legal, I guess I can agree with that.
makin shit up
I want the dem response to be looking to camera, saying "well that just happened" and walk off set.
"It's all cut off, all cut off" he whispered
That's a lot of crazy white people
still clapping

Looks to the dem side and repeatedly screams you should be ashamed of yourself.

the other side is literally chanting USA USA

sure it's cult, but it's such a stupid cult.

no more mail-in ballots except for people who want them.
Why is he still talking? shouldn't this be over yet?
incoherent rambling about elections "We got to stop it, John!"

I'll take shit that didn't happen for $200, Ken

(forced transition story)

He's making everyone Christian again. Also Charlie Kirk etc etc etc
I"m not saying it's a cult but the JUST STARTED CLAPPING IN UNISON.

He definitely wants to fuck either the Ukrainian refugee or maybe a woman biking

also open borders

it's like huffing glue

he's so mad the dems won't stand for him.
Oh sure you can get drug prices down 600% but you only stop murder by a piddling 100%, what about these 500% lives, SIR
Trump has never seen anything like, well, anything.
my partner has fallen asleep, and is snoring gently.
The cat has also gone to sleep on the other side of me.

why is he still talking

oh no he's trying to name counties

"But most of all, I want to thank myself, amazing, I'm just amazing"
No Mr Prez I can't believe that, but I'm pretty sure I always thought it was possible
Oh we're on a 9th war, which he hasn't stopped because it's basically the only actual war
@quinn He must be to have created all those wars he stopped

@quinn

"Pedophile" can be pronounced with the same number of syllables for a competing chant.