Mastodawn

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

I’m traveling from NH to MN today to meet some of the team at my new job. I’ve already done the first carpool leg and I’m onto the bus now! Airplane to come! Expected 10 more hours of joyful journeying. Buckle up and join me for a thread of observation, consternation, and transportation! 🚗 🚍 ✈️

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Already some Olympic-level hacking going on so I’ve masked up. I recently got somewhat laid off (better than being a little big pregnant), but I still rep my faculty union because they fought for us! Solidarity! Also swag!

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Just got my first ominous text saying to expect delays and cancellations as Boston Logan Airport digs out from two feet of snow from a giant blizzard. If you’re all lucky, this 10 hour trip could turn into 20!!! I have attached an avalanche beacon to my carryon and I am going for it.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Reader, I fear I may have to use the bus lavatory. I have ridden countless buses in my day and it’s never come to this. But the alternative seems potentially worse?

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Reader, I have returned. It was beyond what I could have imagined. A large plush lobby, snacks, and warm towels. You think the bus loo will be a tiny closet of hell, but trust me when I say it’s Narnia in there.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Ok I’m going to dig into my EMT course textbook podcast backlog. First chapter for today is on cardiac shock. (Yes I’m studying to be an EMT. It’s my hobby. Someone told me I needed a hobby.)

It’s Pearson textbook ($200+) and the accompanying podcast is two AI’s talking to each other, basically reading the textbook.

As you can imagine, my course instructor has had about enough of me and my “critiques.”

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Delayed by one hour so far! But the good news is SBARRO

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

The good news turned out to be very bad. And I am from rural New Hampshire and my pizza standards are accordingly very low.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

So far we have had three announced delays, but only a sum total of 1 hour delay. But I think there is some frog-boiling going on here.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Also there is a big pub called "Boston Bruins" right across from my gate. Seems odd that the pub is the exact name of the hockey team, but I will probably check it out since I assume it's where the queer people congregate. #HeatedAirport

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Lest you think I am just lounging around with the gay hockey players, you should know that I walked from gate A10 to A17 which means changing levels twice, two moving sidewalks, and about 1.3 miles of straightaway. AND THEN I KID YOU NOT THEY CHANGED ME BACK TO A10!!! Why don’t I just sit at the bar like a normal person?? Why does every minute in an airport in which I am not at my gate deduct like 45 minutes off my life span???

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

You should also know that I did this with a bad back! One month ago I had a serious injury while MAKING THE BED (yes I am that old) and it hasn’t been fixed yet despite my physical therapist’s stabbing me with electrically charged needles. I am on steroids to try to survive this trip. But apparently they are the steroids that make you pee a lot rather than the steroids that make you buff. So here I am running around the airport like a fit woman which I am not. Ok let me correct that. I am running around like an unfit woman with a bad back who has to pee.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

The end of this EMT textbook chapter is about how to recognize when someone is sooooo dead, you don’t have to try to resuscitate them. They actually say that we should not do cpr on a decapitated patient. I have concern for students who needed to read that in a textbook.

Sorry if this is too graphic for a cute travel thread. But I’m like one step away from being a main character on The Pitt so it’s to be expected.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Some members of the flight crew have shown up and are waiting with us. People are looking at them desperately like maybe they are prophets sent from another land who might carry news about where our plane is.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Somehow the energy at this gate feels like when everyone is listening hard for the first tremor of the sandworms in Dune.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Except there is a Dunkins here in the desert for some reason

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

The woman next to me is dressed the way anyone in a Boston blizzard dresses when they’re about to get on a plane to Minneapolis.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

I was wondering how to work a Don DeLillo scene into this thread. Well the universe just delivered:

Man, to gate agent, “We are connecting on our way to Portugal.”

Man’s wife: “We are going to Puerto Rico.”

Man: “…”

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

I have been wearing a mask for 5.5 hours. If I were MAGA I would have asphyxiated on my own CO2 by now. 😅

I just took my noise canceling headphones off for a minute. In the words of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, “Big mistake. Huge.”

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

I see a tunnel with a light at the end of it!! Am I dead??

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

I have boarded! Full plane, very germy, maximum fun. See y’all in the Midwest, punks!

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Just kidding. Pilot just came on to tell us one of the engines is…I think he said…broke.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

As soon as they FIX THE BROKE ENGINE we will be on our way, folks!

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

I am thinking of telling them I am an EMT in case they want me to have a look under the hood

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Oh lord we’re still on the tarmac and they are handing out free snacks IF YOU KNOW AIRPLANES LIKE I KNOW AIRPLANES THEN YOU KNOW BAD SIGN

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

I see a guy with a wrench walking around down there. Like someone’s cousin offered to see what he could do

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

It’s weird how at this point like 99% of us would vote to just take off, bad engine and all, and just take our chances.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Pilot just announced another 20-30 minutes. Maybe. I digress from this lighthearted thread about delays and decapitation to say in all seriousness

American air travel is inhumane, and as physically and emotionally rigorous as almost anything.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

And now I’m back to lighthearted posting when I say that they are testing the engine “by giving it a few good revs.”

😬

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

I don’t think the revs were good enough 🫤

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Guy With A Wrench is now in the cockpit talking to the pilot (his cousin?). Seems like not a good sign.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Confirmed: the Wrench Guy could not fix it. They are trying something else for 20-30 mins and then I’m likely looking at deplaning and the complete annihilation of any spirit I had left in me.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

At least it’s not just me. Now we ALL have back pain.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

The Apple FlightTracker says I am now “en route.”

Yeah, and Pilot Godot is at the wheel.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Godot just said the issue is resolved and we should be underway soon!

[Didi and Gogo dance with joy]

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

They just need to “close up the engine.” COULD THEY DO THAT FROM THE AIR PLEASE 😭😭😭😭

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Still not in the air but logging off to sit quietly with my eyes closed and hum to myself

Robin DeRosa Feb 28

Oh lovelies! I had such a wonderful visit to the world of the golden gophers at my new university in Minnesota! But all good things must end so here I am at the Minneapolis airport ready to fly to Boston and we’re kicking it off with a special treat from Delta: a 3-hour delay! I’ve already done a 1 hour car ride, and we still have the flight, the 2 hour bus, and the final 1 hour car ride home. You know what this means? LIKE A GOPHER IN YOUR GARDEN THAT YOU CANT KILL THIS TRAVEL THREAD IS GOING TO CONTINUE TO EAT YOUR TIME

Robin DeRosa Feb 28

[thread management does not endorse the killing of gophers or any other irritating mammals, including those ruining our country]

Robin DeRosa Feb 28

*running

Downes 🍁Feb 25

@actualham Cliffhanger...

Nate Angell Feb 24

@actualham maybe the emergency brake is on?

John Overholt Feb 24

@actualham Love to hear the pilot talk like he’s trying to get a beater Chrysler to start.

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

Nate Angell Feb 24

@actualham at this point I would vote you in as the Idris Elba in Hijack of the plane, with the authority to negotiate safe arrival for all

D'Arcy Norman 🇨🇦Feb 24

@xolotl @actualham just don't take the subway with her…

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

@xolotl Idris would never have eaten at Sbarro 😞

Nate Angell Feb 24

@actualham you get a pass on that given the slim pickins you have at the ready in NH. The pizza in PDX is so precious we sneer at any shop without "apizza" in its name...

D'Arcy Norman 🇨🇦Feb 24

@actualham how many engines do you really need anyway?

Nate Angell Feb 24

@actualham maybe it just needs a jump or a squirt of engine starter in the carb?

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

@xolotl yeah probably they left the key fob in the house!

Fredrik Graver Feb 24

@actualham Oh dear. Guy with a wrench is never a good sign.

Eamon Costello Feb 24

@actualham safe travels. I hope your back feels better soon (and that Netflix talent scouts are reading your great writing and offer you a mini-series, a shoe deal, a book and a Mattel Open Educational Airport Woman action mini-figure line). ⚡️🦸‍♂️ 💪

Robin DeRosa Feb 24

@Eamon would totally buy those

Nate Angell Feb 24

@actualham Pilate! You really are on a spiritual voyage! Hope it turns out better than the common telling...

Prabhakar Ragde Feb 24

@actualham David Bowie will always be my Pilate

Prabhakar Ragde Feb 24

@actualham Depending on what the flight is like, you might wish you were