PerspectivistWhat's a time you stuck to your principles despite it being inconvenient to you?
Honesty is a big one for me.
Doesn’t always mean speaking the whole truth but not saying anything that’s untrue. This has led to a handful of situations where I would’ve prefered to tell a white lie but I didn’t.
pentastarmThis is my main thing as well. Always telling the truth. Even when the consequences of telling the truth reflect poorly on a choice or decision I made. ❤️
MissJinxI gave up being an angel a long time ago. Everything in life is shades of gray, nothing is black and white. Yes sometimes lies can help, sometimes it’s good to burn bridges, my cats ONLY like Nestle wet food, sometimes people are assholes and deserve to be judged. Just try to be as good as possible but don’t be an angel, life is hard enough
gnomesaiyanNot observing Christmas or other human holidays. It’s inconvenient because everyone else becomes temporarily insane, which in turn causes my existential depression to give rise to ye ol’ seasonal depression. I don’t even celebrate my birthday, as it just reminds me I’m one year closer to never achieving my goals before I die a miserable death.
“Happy Holidays”. Pfft.
A time when? How about every fucking year. Not observing Christmas or other human holidays. It’s inconvenient because everyone else becomes temporarily insane, which in turn causes my existential depression to give rise to ye ol’ seasonal depression. I don’t even celebrate my birthday, as it just reminds me I’m one year closer to never achieving my goals before I die a miserable death.
“Happy Holidays”. Pfft.
Snot FlickermanBah, humbug. I feel it.
everyone else becomes temporarily insane
Yeah all these people having fun and participating positively in their community are crazy.
The point is that they could do good year round, not just waiting 364 days to give a shit.
Who says they’re not?
Don’t know if that counts, but I will use my turn signals every. fucking. time. At dead of night, with no other (visible) traffic around, doesn’t matter.
Granted, it’s the law, but I can develop an irrational hate towards other drivers for not using them. And this will happen multiple times a day.
So maybe not the kind of inconvenient you’re after, but at least I’m sticking to it.
Oh yes. I do the same. And I often fantasize about telling these dicks that their turn signals are broken.
MintyFreshIf you do it habitually, it won’t cost you thought or effort. You’ll just do it by muscle memory. The bar for obtaining and keeping a drivers license is too damn low.
When I was learning to drive, the government issued pamphlet included a phrase similar to, “Always use your signals, the car you don’t see is most likely to be the one that hits you.”
So I use my signals for any turn, any lane shift, no matter the context, no matter where I’m driving.
When I was carpooling to work a long time ago, a friend gave me some friendly grief over my usage of turn signals within an apartment complex’s parking lot. “Why are you using your signal? There’s nobody here.”
“Because the car I DON’T see is the one most likely to hit me.” “But there’s nobody here.” “Nobody that you see, but what about the car you don’t see?”
She didn’t get it.
Ruined my relationship with my sister and was never part of my nephews lives because I declined to be their godfather because I’m an atheist. One of the aspects of being a godfather is promising to raise the children in their parents religion if their parents should pass. I told her, unequivocally, I cannot and will not make a promise I know I can’t keep, and that’s a promise that I could not possibly keep as it goes against my personal views and values. I will not raise your children to be Christian in your absence, and thus I cannot in good faith be their godfather. I thought I was being respectful of her belief by not lying and saying I would do such a thing. My nephews are adults now and I’ve seen them maybe three times in their lives. Oh well. I don’t have any good familial relationships so I guess it doesn’t matter. Fucked up families is as fucked up families does. I’ve always been treated like my life is less valuable by my family since I didn’t have children anyway, so fuck it I guess.
You’re just a dick. I’ve never seen a godfather/mother actually do anything beyond confirm they have a good relationship with the parent. Lmao. You saved them by showing who you are, a “reddit atheist.”
You’re just an idiot. You think a reasonable reaction on the sister’s part is to keep her children from meeting their uncle/aunt? Dumbass take, sister is unhinged, fuck you for judging a situation you know nothing about.
Did OP say that the sister kept them from meeting them? No. I’m sure terminally online atheist didn’t go about it as smoothly as your brain.
Only met 3 times. Doesn’t say why though.
VanthDude, the church my family followed was similar. I was asked to sign a document pledging I would do all sorts of things, like raise the kid in the religion if their parents died, also to live a “moral sex life” and resist the evils of gay culture and drugs. I didn’t sign and saw it as an act of honesty and respect to explain I couldn’t fulfill their request.
If you think so little of other people’s religious beliefs that you would lie to become a godparent, you do you.
If I was in that position, I’d have said the same thing. But my friend wouldn’t ask me to do that. And I am godfather to her kids.
You’re (ur) insane if you think the godparent tradition is a cult. It does not solely mean forcing them to be Christian.
I think that too. You don’t have to believe just respect and say words out of love. My goddoughter is an atheist now because of talking to me. Because I had the necessary relationship to tell her what I believe
That’s nice! Also shows you took care of them as I imagine a godparent should
Every time i ride my bike and there is an impatient asshole in a car behind me.
We are in a city, downtown, and the maximum legal speed is 30 kph with pedestrians and other cyclists everywhere, so the fucking carbrain can in fact obey traffic rules for the 2 minutes it takes them for me to reach the next stop.
No need to tailgate me or flash the lights, they wont die from following the rules for a moment. Perhaps they should have left the stupid car at home before going to the most busy and crowded area in town where they cant drive it anyway.
This is obviously in Europe not carland.
I refuse to use Meta or Google anything. Cuts me off from a lot of people and is pretty inconvenient, but I have to make it as difficult as possible for those rat fucks to exploit me.
serpineslairNot being on social media (except this one obviously, and generic messaging apps). Missed out on a lot of potential friendships because of not having insta, or snapchat, but it’s something I just can’t bring myself to do.
You’re not missing anything. Those platforms aren’t useful for talking to your friends anymore.
I’m aware I’m not missing anything on those platforms, it’s the friendships I feel I’m missing out on, as I don’t have many as it is.
The Reddit API changes around third party apps like a lot of other people here. It was so clear they were being disingenuous about the changes and that it was a de facto ban. Pretending it wasn’t a ban and that they “support third party developers” really pissed me off.
It’s one thing to charge for API access (which is not unreasonable, per se, since API calls cost Reddit money), but Reddit decided to charge an extremely unreasonable and unjustifiable rate to third party app developers. On top of that, they decided NSFW labeled content could only be seen in their official app and could never show up in any third party apps that decided to pay for API access. They claimed it was about “making sure children don’t see adult content,” but that was clearly BS since they could just not serve that content in the API for non-18+ accounts and require third party developers to agree to certain terms of use or have their app cut off.
So Reddit forced third party apps to have to charge a subscription fee to their users and those users would not get full access to Reddit content anyway. Gee, I wonder what users will do if they have to choose between paying a subscription for less content or using the crappy official app with worse and fewer features to get all content for free…
The disingenuousness of the justification for the changes and pretending there was no ulterior motive was worse to me than the changes themselves. I missed Reddit a lot at first, and occasionally I still do, but I haven’t been back since.
I had similar feelings. I knew I would miss my better, ad-free apps, but I could recognize it would be unreasonable to expect Reddit to pay for competitor access when it uses ads to support itself. I wouldn’t even hold it against them if they removed third party access entirely. But the way they did it was just so slimy.
Lying to developers, then lying to users about their discussions. Then insisting their unviable price was reasonable just so they could claim to not actually be killing them. And during the protests, threatening and replacing mods of subs for literally implementing the rules their communities voted for simply because it hurt their bottom line. They were volunteer workers maintaining the platform for years because they love their communities; until they do something the company doesn’t like, then suddenly they were employees to be fired and replaced. It really was the principle of the thing that disgusted me.
Not using or buying anything by
* Google
* Meta
* Amazon
* Apple
* Netflix
* Spotify
* Target
* Hobby Lobby
* Starbucks
* Chick-fil-a
Also, avoiding plastic containers for anything I eat or drink.
There’s no ethical consumption under capitalism.
I agree, but there is less/more ethical consumption
Pretty good list, but why Target? Do I need to add another to my list?
Target is under a national boycott because after George Floyd’s murder they made a big deal of increasing racially equality though a huge commitment hiring more black employees, selling goods from black-owned businesses and suppliers, and so on. The minute Trump got elected they canceled all of that and denounced “DEI”. They are the corporate poster-boy for throwing away values for MAGA, and drive the rest of the industry in the same direction with their example.
It’s more they became the most pushed one and you fell for it. Large companies restructure constantly and they made the smart move to hide their diversity policy from the current administration. They still have diversity goals, they just don’t share them with the public.
My company did the same thing. Removed the DEI term but left everything else in place. You fell for their corporate renaming strategy.
They’re enabling Trumpism by acquiescing, even if supposedly they secretly still “care” about diversity
I think it’s more complicated than that. Large companies always hedge their bets. In this case publicly appearing to bend just gets this stupid administration to shut up about whatever culture war they are currently waging. They never actually check if said company is actually doing anything besides removing the term “dei” in this case. Then, in a few years if our government swings back to the direction that matches public polling sentiment. They can release data about diversity again, which will be good PR.
It’s always been strange to me that anyone would expect a massive retailer to stand up to fascists. Costco is a rare exception and they only are doing it because it made them money and will continue to make money. None of these decisions are about doing what is right. Instead, it’s all about profits.
I don’t expect corporations to care about anything over profits, but I dont have to give them my money if I dont agree with how they do business. If enough people did the same, suddenly caring about humanity becomes the profitable choice.
Fair enough. I personally shop at costco and winco primarily. Target is the “large retailer” compromise I make over Walmart or Kroger. The massive focus on target is so confusing when their competitors are 10x worse.
It’s a point of concentration to get a message out and get people involved on a large scale. It’s a concrete thing people can get behind together, to send a message to those in power that they can’t just roll over us. It’s how we used to keep corporations and governments in check. They aren’t afraid of us. They need to be.
Fascism doesn’t allow corporate push back. Fascists adopt whatever they think will get populist support then force it into the market. They dont care about real action, only the appearance of action, which pleases their populist voters. Which is why rolling over to stupid shit like removing “DEI” verbiage is the smart choice in the short and long run for any business.
Pushing back when the business doesn’t have support only makes their image worse. Costco is the exception and not the rule.
They’ve also allowed ICE to use at least one of their Minneapolis locations as a staging/preparation area for their kidnapping operations.
I’m having a hard time finding a job that aligns with my ethics. I was a software developer, and it seems that everything that’s hiring right now is stuff that would make me feel like garbage.
I considered taking a job as a help desk for an advertising library. I figure I could do a really bad job of it, and take a big chunk of my salary to donate to adblockers.
I earn about 30% of what I did five years ago, and prices have only gone up. I’ll probably become homeless if things continue, that’s pretty darn inconvenient.
I just want to make dumb little video games to feed my family, but I’m too burnt out from my soul crushing minimum wage job to make dinner.
Look into space/aerospace/embedded. They still pay well and you get to write software for cool shit.
FRYDI don’t burn bridges with anyone. I grew up very isolated and alone and decided early in life to never be part of making people in my life feel that way.
I was the only one to visit my mom at the psych ward despite it being far and us not getting along.
I picked up an abusive ex from a date that had gone terribly wrong late at night.
I stayed on the phone with another toxic ex for a few hours as they nervously went home from a party in a bad area.
There’s lots more examples and it’s pretty much always a pain in the ass, but everyone should have someone to go to. I’m not necessarily nice or dishonest about my feelings, but I won’t leave people hanging.
That’s genuinely a great way to live your life. I have some reevaluation do now. Thanks for the homework.
It’s really not a healthy way to live. Plenty of people have told me to cut back on it, including two therapists. I’ve kinda understood that view, but I get stuck at the question of who is worth being there for and who isn’t.
but I get stuck at the question of who is worth being there for and who isn’t.
I think YOU are worth being there for. If those interactions are taking a mental or emotional toll on you to have, then why are these abusive and toxic people from your past “worth it” and you aren’t?
If instead you can have these interactions totally detached from yourself and you are strong and confident mentally an emotionally where there is no cost to you, then I don’t see a problem with continuing.
Yeah, I get what you’re saying. My therapist has said something similar. That said, these things will never have no emotional toll. Nothing in life is free. To be totally detached isn’t being there for someone and that wouldn’t be the right way to handle these situations either.
I appreciate the advice and the time you spent on it, but I do what I do because it’s what the person I want to be would do. Until I don’t want to be the kind of person that cares about even the people that have done wrong by me, I’m gonna keep doing it. I still live my life, pursue my goals, and take care of myself. I just sacrifice a little energy and peace of mind for the people in my life that need it when they need it.
That said, these things will never have no emotional toll. Nothing in life is free. To be totally detached isn’t being there for someone and that wouldn’t be the right way to handle these situations either.
Let me try again to explain what I meant with my statement on detachment. Lets imagine two people:
- Person 1 - They are someone you have no history with, but you are pretty confident they are a regular well-adjusted person just going through life. They’re no hero, but also they are no villain. Lets say you know “of” them, but you don’t know their personality, history, goals, or life desires. Perhaps they are an acquaintance of someone you know.
- Person 2 - This person is from your past that you had a deeply involved relationship with. You trusted them and were vulnerable with them, and this person intentionally harmed you emotionally because it got them something they wanted or perhaps your pain just was amusing to them or made them feel powerful. They used you and threw you away when they were done with you.
Your phone rings, its one of these two people. You’ve expressed you like to help people out in a jam. The person is in a jam asking if you can come and pick them up and drive them to their place of employment:
-
If the caller is Person 1, then you are emotionally detached from them. You have only the slightest of history with them and no bad memories (or good for that matter) of interacting with them. They are totally benign to you emotionally. You’d grab your car keys and head out the door to pick up Person 1 and probably be thinking about what activities you’d be doing afterward or perhaps what you’re planning to have for dinner. There is no emotional cost to helping Person 1 out as you are emotionally detached from them. This is simply an errand no different than going out and picking up a loaf of bread from a grocery store or a bakery.
-
If the caller is Person 2, then you are very much emotionally entangled with them from your shared history and the pain they inflicted upon you. You run through mental scenarios about if this is an emotional trap of some kind. You work the mental angles to see how you need to protect yourself emotionally and physically. As you leave the house you mentally prepare yourself and armor yourself against what this person knows of your weaknesses. You drive there filled with anxiety and worry about how you might be hurt yet again by this person that has caused you so much pain. In the driver’s seat you’re reliving the horrible events from your shared past and feeling those negative hurtful emotions roll over you as though it is happening for the first time. Even if you complete the pickup and dropoff entirely uneventfully, you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. You drive home worried if letting this hurtful person back into your life will mean more emotional pain in the days ahead. Even without any negative things happening during the drive when they were in your car, this has cost you greatly emotionally, and it can for days afterward.
You are NOT obligated to be a tool of help to those that have wronged you in the past. The world is filled with millions of other people that have done you no wrong. You yourself are worthy of caring. There are so many other people worthy of your attention and goodwill. Leave the toxic people to their toxic lives. They are not entitled to your generosity. If they ever were, they harmed you, and lost any sense of privilege to your kindness. You don’t have to be hateful to them, but you don’t need to continue to invite them into your life at the cost of yourself.
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