Amanda HickieDec 20

Twenty five years ago this month I was diagnosed with cancer. First of all I just want to say, look at me, still here. I'm pretty happy about that.

But twenty five years ago, for a year my and my family's life revolved around surgery, chemo and radiation. And then the best part of a decade of medications with with their 'tolerated' side effects. And still the sneaky little blighter tried to stage a comeback a few years in, but we evicted it.

Twenty five years is a while, so my medical experiences are not current but there are a few things I learnt in that year and the ones after and I'd like to say them out loud -

Cancer did not make me a better person. It did not make me re-evaluate my life and see the world in a new perspective. It might for some people, but it just made me tired and grumpy. And intolerant of people's bullshit.

It was not a blessing in disguise. Having people tell me there had to be a silver lining or that everything happens for a reason was not helpful.

Everyone has their own approach. Mine was evidenced based western medicine. Random strangers (no friends, I'm glad to say), telling me I was poisoning myself was not helpful. I was poisoning *it*, the side effects on me were necessary collateral damage

The most important thing my friends did for me was to be normal. Doing stuff we usually did - grabbing a coffee, going out for a meal, seeing a movie. I was thinking about cancer every waking minute, respite from that was what I needed

The other day someone reminded me I told them this - One of the women in my support group talked about how hard it was not to cry in front of her kids. The facilitator asked, what message are you sending to your kids if, when something this bad happens, it's not okay to cry? This is one of the most important things I've ever learnt. Hiding your feeling doesn't let people in and it's not a viable strategy for longer than half a second. 1/2

#cancer #science #luck #ReflectionOnLife #HappyToBeHere

Show threadKugelfangDec 20
@afterzoe Thank you for this. My wife was diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago. She's now considered 'cancer free' but it seems no one considers how much mental and emotional damage is done. We have far to go.
Show threadGordon
@Kugelfang @afterzoe and the financial damage, even with our excellent health care system. Thankfully we were fine, but it was still a shock. Life just stops for a while and it's really hard. Reach out if you need someone to talk to.
Dec 20 at 9:03amWeb
Show threadKugelfangDec 20
@tautred @afterzoe Thank you. I think life has started moving again since we both just retired. New home, new state, new everything, really. She was a federal employee here in the US. I was a federal contractor. Luckily--at the time--government employee health insurance covered a lot of the treatment expenses. We took a substantial financial hit but it wasn't devastating. I suppose we were lucky. Now that we've gotten out of the shit-show of both treatment and government jobs I think we're finally on the right path.
Show threadAmanda HickieDec 20
@Kugelfang @tautred Good. I wish all good things for you both
Show threadGordonDec 21
@Kugelfang glad to hear. The financial hit is surprising and not talked about. There's the medical costs, which may be partially covered by insurance or the health system. Then there's the loss of income for one or both of you. Then the ancilliary costs - outrageous parking fees at the hospital, random meals waiting at hospitals, more takeaway as you don't have time to shop, more childcare, etc. As I said, we were fine, but it was still a bit of a shock and for some it would be as debilitating as the treatment.