Our group declare to be trueWhat did we miss on #TOTP?
East 17 were still going? Thought they'd moved to Chingford.
Madonna! In the studio! đ»
Robbie has no regrets. We do, not doing the washing up before The Stereophonics came in to bore us all.
Anyway, evening all.
"Heartbeat" - Steps
"So young" - The Corrs
Ah, that's more like it. Steps sold a squillion of their single, The Corrs a shedload of their album, both groups were absolutely everywhere - and made great telly. SM:TV would have flopped without them.
"Heartbeat" in particular is a top-grade song, well-composed and with room for a great singer to make their mark.
Question for the panel: Which member of Steps for #CelebrityTraitors?
"Up and down" - Vengaboys
"Move mania" - Sash! ft Shannon
A bit of Eurodance, one with some great singing, the other with video effects from 1982.
The original show put something in the middle, "I'm your angel" by CĂ©line Dion and A Perv. The song's been memory-holed. It's no loss, as welcome in CĂ©line's Christmas album like a sprout baked so long it turned into charcoal.
"Dreaming" - Ruff Driverz
Don't think i've heard this since 1998, which feels like a slight error on my part.
"Until the time is through" - Five
Known for their fast dancing and vigorous jumps, Five put on their suits and dance around their chairs and make a "sensitive" "slow" record and try to look all grown up. And it just about works.
Let's hope Ronan Keating doesn't get any ideas from this.
Around the time of these Topses of the Popses, Tony Blair gave an address to the Oirechtas, it emerged that bribes were paid to take the Olympics to Salt Lake City, and we remembered the late songwriter Hal Davis.
"They Think It's All Over" and "Heartbeat" were big tv shows, "Drop the Dead Donkey" and "Fort Boyard" were on the minor channels.
"I love the way you love me" - Boyzone
Remember when Boyzone made uptempo songs you could move your feet to? Us neither; feels like they've always been grannies-in-waiting.
"War of nerves" - All Saints
Unlike certain other acts, All Saints kept pushing themselves to do different and experimental things. It is in the nature of experiments that not all will succeed.
"Searchin' my soul" - Vonda Shepard
Vonda had been in the biz for a decade without much success, and "Searchin' my soul" was originally from her 1992 album. Her blues-country hasn't had much commercial or critical success since.
Theme to the tv show "Ally McBeal", an office comedy about a neurotic lawyer and her wacky co-workers. Massive ratings success at the time, but when was the last time anyone watched it?
"Tragedy" - Steps
Hands behind your ears, like you're a traffic bollard.
My money's on Claire for Celeb Traitors. Looks ditsy, actually has the social nous to go a long way.
"Take the long way home" - Faithless
Faithless? That's traitor talk. Voting for yourself, Rollo.
Massive in the clubs at the time, but completely forgotten in favour of their other hits. And that's no surprise.
"The power of goodbye" - Madonna
Never did play "Ray of light", did they? Never mind, "Power of goodbye" is the best bit of the album "Frozen". (Other than the title track. Maybe.)
Had Madge been in the studio since that business with the pink frightwig? Ah, yeah, when she was in the dumper circa 94...
"Miami" - Will Smith
Will's showing his straight man privilege, going to Miami like that.
"Believe" - Cher
It's still number one. Still.
And if it's keeping dreck like Borezone and CĂ©line 'n' the perv off number one, more power to Cher.
Christmas 1988 next.
This week in 1988, scientists developed a process to remove noise caused by scratches on vinyl records. Clicks and hisses were taken out through digital processing.
They'd tested it on works by Ravel, Andres Segovia, the Andrew Sisters, and The Grateful Dead; all sounded much better than before. A test on Status Quo resulted in an unlistenable mess, so no change there either.
Bruno Brookes, Anthea Turner, and Lord Gary Davies are your hosts. It's Christmas Day 1988, it's 2pm, it's Top of the Pops!
"Theme from s-express" - S-Express
One of the most crucial and important sounds of the year, a chugging bassline and babbling lyric. Not entirely their fault that we'd get stuck in that house music groove for the rest of the year.
A few words from Milli Vanilli, and that becomes a team best.
"Always on my mind" - Pet Shop Boys
The ultimate Elvis cover, making the original completely redundant.
Smash Hits joked, "When wheeling out the piano for the Christmas carols, check that all the keys are covered apart from one, so that Chris doesn't feel intimidated."
Clips from Belinda Carlisle, Tiffany, Kylie Minogue, and Whitney Houston.
That's all we see of Kylie, the four (count 'em!) number two singles are elided from today's show.
Repeated performance of Enya's "Orinoco flow", with a namecheck for Rob Dickens - the pillock who thought Cher should take the vocoder off of "Believe".
"Don't turn around" - Aswad
Cover of an old Tina Turner b-side, with the band's reggae edges smoothed off for mass consumption. And it worked - to a point.
Gave them name recognition and an audience for when they played their own, superior, songs. But only to a point: by the end of the year, they're once again struggling to make the top 40.
Amongst acts *in the studio today*, Aswad win Top of the Hats.
Yazz, hi. Later?
"Perfect" - Fairground Attraction
The band burned like phosphor: simple, uncomplicated, and very different from hyper-processed beats like S-Express.
Eddi Reader jumps around like an over-excited teenager, and appears to give petals to the band and some of the audience. Love the dress: a slinky black velvet body, dark tartan puffball skirt with tights; a dangly brooch attracts the eyes.
Clips from Climie Fisher, Bros, Rick Astley, Bobby McFerin, and Brother Beyond. Five minutes we'll never get back.
"Heart" - Pet Shop Boys
Chris Lowe in his new sheepskin jacket, and Neil's taken his outdoor jacket off, now just his suit.
Very difficult to make a Pet Shop Boys performance look exciting, all they ever do is stand around and sing or tap the keyboard. But when the song is as good as this, we don't much care.
And, yeah. Neil Tennant for #CelebrityTraitors.
"Passé", a word from Brother Beyond.
"The only way is up" - Yazz
Dressed all in white, with a snowflake on her dress, Yazz finds the camera and dances like she's having the time of her life. Coz she is having the time of her life. We'll remember her this way.
The two gentlemen of The Plastic Population sing and dance.
A cover of Otis Clay's northern soul classic, but - klaxon away! - this is the only version anybody remembers.
Cut from the show: a quick word from Rob and Simon from Climie Fisher, and a performance of "Doctorin' the TARDIS" by The Timelords Featuring Another Perv. Didn't miss much.
Not cut but probably should have been: dull number ones from Bros who are on tour, Glenn Medeiros who is walking along the beach, and Phil Collins who went full-bore.
"First time" - Robin Beck, repeated from the autumn. Top hat, powerhouse vocals, memorable song, shame it's her only hit.
Robin Gibb, hello. Look at the stars they can attract in 1988. And Gary gives a decent interview: paying attention, Anthea?
"With a little help from my friends" - Wet Wet Wet
Marti in a natty waistcoat, the vocalist and centre of attraction for the band. Proof that it's a live vocal in the late choruses, the song needs some energy to not be predictable.
He was the successor to Morten Harket, but who has now replaced him as Swoonesomest Man in Pop?
Breathe drop in on their family and both their fans.
"He ain't heavy (he's my brother)" - The Hollies.
Another live vocal, another classic song your parents will know, even in this dirge-like arrangement.
We're about 12 minutes from an Election Broadcast on behalf of the Windsor Party, so the average age is going up and up and up, and they'll show as much as they can for the grannies tuning in.
"Mistletoe and wine" - HRH Sir Prince Cliff Richard
Repeat of the performance from three weeks ago, which is a bit of a swizz.
One for the grannies, also one for the pop kids - Cliff has made some very approachable pop records in the last few years, and he's riding a genuine swell of public support.
Song's written by Keith Strachan, who later did the music for "Who Wants to be a Millionaire". It's the year's top-selling single, and Keith gets the songwriting royalties.
"Silent night" - Bros
Matt Goss goes through his vocal paces, the most extravagent singing line we've heard since Whitney Houston. Unusual lyric, turns out it's a more literal translation of the German original.
Bros were the band of 1988, the biggest pop stars. It's fitting that they should have the final word, and ensure it's a seasonal word.
David Howell@daweaver Which, of course, meant the two highlights of his career were oddly connected; from taking the Christmas #1 at the zenith of SAW to literally rush-replacing Waterman music a decade later!
Girl about village@daweaver oh, that's who those lads were
Snaprails
Ebly Pamplemousse@daweaver I watched it a few weeks back. It's still there, in the queue, waiting for me to finish it.
(It's going to be waiting a long time.)
Stewart Tolhurst@daweaver Watch Girlbands Forever on iPlayer. Very eye-opening.
@daweaver it's good when the Beeb find the scissors