shortnsweetHow to talk some sense into my daughter regarding a scam university?
I don’t really have any good suggestions, but I just want to say that I feel second-hand frustration just by reading this
Glad to know someone understands how I feel at least! It’s currently almost 5 am here and my insomnia influenced me to make this post.
ALQYou need to have a serious conversation with your husband about how he is setting her up to fail by giving her whatever she wants. She’s a child; he’s an adult and should know better.
The craziest part is that when I talk to him about it, he says he’d agree with me if our daughter was a son; but since she’s a girl what she studies/does professionally isn’t important as she should just do what she loves since “she can just find a good husband to take care of her”.
That’s a fucked up. Seems like he doesn’t actually care about either your opinions or the future for your daughter. He’s basically admitting that he knows it’s BS and doesn’t care!
And my daughter is sooo obsessed with him. She takes everything he says at face value. Like saying “if daddy couldn’t take care of me anymore I’ll just find a man to take care of me the way daddy does” - basically a variation of what my husband told me too. Very flower power carefree energy.
that’s not flower power that’s just misogyny! your husband has taught your daughter to be misogynistic towards herself. i think you need a long conversation with her, you need to disillusion her from the promises of “simplicity” of such worldview, because if anything happens to make her less than perfect for “a man like daddy” then she’s going to be left helpless and unable to take care of herself in the long run. and even if she finds a man to take care of her - she will be then stuck with him no matter who he turns out to be
Norah (pup/it/she)I mean, hippies were actually a lot more misogynistic than people give them credit for.
This is the problem, not the university.
Perhaps you could talk to your husband about how she is being set up to to be completely dependent on some man who may abuse her and she will be unable to independent escape.
I’m guessing you’re located in the US, based on the location of the schools. I recommend presenting your husband with statistics regarding the amount of money a single income household needs compared to what jobs meet those needs. Most jobs in this country don’t provide a livable single wage, let alone family wage, and this is only getting worse with inflation. The likelihood of your daughter finding a husband who can take care of her without her help nowadays is extremely slim. It’s possible, but to count on that is very dumb.
Your husband sounds very out of touch.
since she’s a girl what she studies/does professionally isn’t important as she should just do what she loves since “she can just find a good husband to take care of her”.
Anyone saying this is wrong, but a parent saying this about their own daughter is deeply disturbing to me on so many levels. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Seems like a deeper issue - there’s not just your daughter with a problem, there is also her father. Maybe to try couples’ counseling with your husband first?
Blackmist“When you look at someone through rose coloured glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”
Sounds like this might go well beyond a university choice at this point. Sorry.
TheLowestStoneSounds like your husband might be a prick.
It sounds like you should have started intervening in this situation YEARS ago. Now it’s coming to a head and you don’t have any influence at all, because you didn’t claim your role in this family when you should have. Now it’s too late.
roofuskitWow, you married that kind of person?
"she can just find a good husband to take care of her”.
He is still wrong then. He is about a thousand years too late with this view.
This is fine🔥🐶☕🔥he says he’d agree with me if our daughter was a son; but since she’s a girl what she studies/does professionally isn’t important as she should just do what she loves since “she can just find a good husband to take care of her”.
That’s misogynistic. He understands that, right?
Wow, I’m sorry that you married a major asshole.
Frankly this might boil down to what you’re willing to jeopardize. This might be a case of ultimatum with your husband, i.e. i won’t be with someone willing to pay for our daughter to put out misinformation, harm and pain into the world. If you divorce him and take half the assets, it might make it harder to pay for that quackery.
If you’re not willing to put your foot down to the extent, you might need to make peace with it…
I mean this as respectfully as possible but what compelled you to marry a man from the 1700s?
Try to have a conversation around what this diploma “unlocks” in her life that she wants. If all she needs are a diploma to flash while witching, there are cheaper diploma mills that take less time.
Edit: Reading back it sounds like I’m being light-hearted about this. I’m not really. At some point children are adults that make bad choices that are out of your control, and the best you can do as a parent is to not alienate them by trying to prevent it but help them think things through.
That’s not the same as encouraging bad decisions, but accepting them. In a year or two that thinking may be what they need to make better choices, and they will still trust you to talk things through.
I run a yet-to-be-accredited diploma for a degree in applied horse reiki if anyone wants. My course syllabus is just one sentence long:
All degrees are issued under a pseudonym so as to stay off the radar of the Horse Reiki Mafia.
Does your diploma come with gold embossed lettering and a red stamp? If so I’m in.
It does now
Father of a daughter here. I think your husbands position is deplorable. I want the best for my daughter, and education gives her choices. It sets her up to be self reliant. If she chooses to go trad wife (can’t see it) then that’s her look out, but at least she’ll be to change her mind if she wants to. It’s much harder work to get these choices back in later life - get them now!
A friend told me to use daughter’s obsession with her dad to convince her: basically play the “oh, but could you imagine living so far away from him for an extended amount of time; why not study something like nursing locally and be with him”. Haven’t tried it though.
I’m sorry to say that I think you’re stuck while the father is being so useless. If his view is that his daughters role in life is to moon about until some guy comes along to take care of her, and she is also of the same view, then I think the best you can do is to be supportive of anything that gets her out of the house (including useless studies) and exposed to more of the world and different world views. Hopefully she’ll come to her senses and husband can then support her in her new choices. You have the sympathy of a random internet stranger.
Ex NummisI almost fell for something similar. Right before enrolling I decided to go on a deeper dive and I found ample evidence of it being a diploma mill without any value whatsoever. Saved me a lot of grief.
Dude two of the colleges I toured when I was a high schooler ended up shutting down and losing their accreditation. Only reason I didn’t attend either of them was my parents told me they were too expensive and I was just a high schooler with zero concept of money who had yet to work at all (and honestly I had a bunch of other contributing problems but that’s well outside of the scope of this discussion)
I wonder if the daughter in this case even knows what a diploma mill is.
I mean, if you know that they exist, it has to be impossible to read anything about this place without immediately recognizing it as one… Right?
I think a lot of people are looking for a way out at the moment. Keep in mind, a college degree carries far less weight than it used to, and the majority of graduates are ending up in non-graduate roles. As such, college later in life might be a better option.
Why not play a different hand - find her somewhere local to work that covers that “field” so she can follow her interests. At the least, she’ll pick up some transferrable skills, and won’t be digging herself into debt. Worst comes to worst she enters that field with a job rather than debt (you can’t stop a hurricane) - it’s no worse than being a priest really.
Your partner needs a reality check - most men are not looking to be a provider, they’re looking for a partner. To be very blunt, unless your daughter has won the genetic lottery, she’s going to have to work for a living (like the rest of us).
Seems like you to talk some sense into your husband first. There’s no point in saying “this is stupid” while acting “I’ll support you unconditionally”.
Ideally you’d discourage her in this decission and not support her financially. If she really wants to do it, she can pay for it herself. There is not much you can do about that, except discourage it. But you can’t do that as parents unless you’re both on the same page.
BossDjThis doesn't sound like the type of husband that listens to his wife
gi1242how did she get this idea into her head in the first place?
one of the worst life ruining decisions a student can make is to rack up student debt, with no means to pay it off after graduation.
look at graduation statistics if they publish it. what is the employment rate and median salary of graduates?
Is the total cost comparable to the median starting salary?
if taking sense into ur daughter isn’t possible, then maybe reason with ur husband based on finances?
Find a serious midwife in your area. preferably someone who has done Peace Corps/NGO work in other countries. Let them explain what a scam this place is.
You know your kid; find someone she'll respect and let them guide her.
You know your kid; find someone she’ll respect and let them guide her.
I think this might be the best advice here (which might also coincide with talking to the father since it appears she respects him quite a bit).
Lmao, let her go, it’ll be hilarious. You lot sound like real fun.
TrickDacyAlways validating to see users live up to the tag I gave them
Who upvotes this? Or are those just two alt accounts?
Yes, every upvote I get is an alt account.
Ooor maybe this is just a trainwreck reddit-style slop post that’s worthy of a little roast regardless of authenticity.
hansolo100% agree this is a conversion with your husband. From the comments, what even is the point of her going to any college if theres a chance shell just drop out and stick you with debt and nothing to show for it?
What I will say that diverges from most others is that while this school might be a scam, this aspect of the “wellness industry” has existed for millennia. Interest in holistic whatever isn’t exactly a career death sentence. Your daughter might very well make good money selling herbs and crystals to wealthy white ladies.
IMO, this is a conversion with your husband and then daughter asking her to sell you all on why she’s going to college and for what. With the alternative being charging her rent or something else intended to have her leave the nest. She likely sees this school as having no accountability because as long as the checks clear, she’ll be enrolled.
There won’t be any debt. As I mentioned, husband is paying in full for college.
OK, but so he’s basically paying for adult day care if she quits before graduating?
Essentially. And he’s cool with that apparently.
What the entire fuck kind of money does this guy have that he’s willing to take that risk? Everyone here’s already given advice I would so im just another voice backing your concern. Yes you can make bank in this industry but its all smoke and mirrors, a total waste of an education
I can’t image thinking that way. Ugh, sorry to you OP. Good luck with this.
Also you don’t need a degree to sell herbs and crystals.
Yes, absolutely. I would worry more about the school trapping her in and endless moving goalposts to graduate situation. Unless they have a quantifiable and confirmed network or some benefit to graduates, it seems like a cash grab.
Check how they got their accreditation. It’s possible to just buy a struggling accredited school these days and just keep their accreditation and completely change the curriculum.
Also ask them for employment and income statistics of their graduates. If they don’t have them that’s a red flag you can bring up.
Try asking your daughter to outline her desired career path and which degrees she needs for that.
Does she want to work as a medical professional? This university will not help her with that, as it is not accredited as a medical school.
Just let her attend. Pseudoscientific quackery, along with an elevated ego, lack of self-doubt, and the backup of a rich parent, are a certain way to make a whole fuckload of money.
Dammit. I hate it, but this is the smartest stupid answer.
Goddammit.
This is is actually the most rational and practical advice here.
Pack it people, we’re done here.
BeBopALouieSo promote more stupidity in the world? Hmm ya that’s gone over real well so far.
atomicorangeIf the concern is about the longevity and reputation of the quack institution, you could point her to a woo factory with accreditation and a better reputation among the crystal crowd, like Naropa in Boulder, CO.
What is the highest debt to income ratio?
Debt incurred by students divided by their post-graduation salary. For conventional medical school, it’s around 75%. Law school 35-40%. 688% is crazy.
humble_boatsmanShe gonna have a hard time finding that trad-husband with 80k in bullshit student loans from a private college. And no real job prospects. You could suggest a nutritionists path at another university? My mother basically became the default bread winner with a nutritionists degree.
FlaxI think the trad husband wouldn’t even consider a witch hippie