The main reason why I left, was because I accidentally outed myself for drawing problematic art to a family member. I'm not going into details of how exactly that happened, but it led to a massive dispute that felt like forever. To prevent any further worse outcomes, I had to carpet-nuke 21 months worth of work, and delete my proshipper-themed accounts.
But even before this happened, I was, deep down, showing signs of being sick of being there, and began to question the kink community, especi-
ally with stuff like extreme raceplay and fetishes themed on misogyny prevalent in maledom. I was afraid of speaking out, so I had to keep my mouth shut to avoid being called out and accused of hate speech.
The truth is...I never liked most problematic content or cared for them, even when I drew them. Whatever I did in the past was a reaction against being indoctrinated with this "fiction affects reality" nonsense seven times a week for years, meaning that it was out of spite. I didn't draw t-
-hem for myself. I drew them for other people, making me feel like some kind of automatic factory that had to churn out useless objects around the clock. It was all just rebellion brought on by personal emotions that didn't get sorted out for the period I was doing it. I actually felt more alone and isolated being in proship spaces than in real life. Before I left, I didn't feel like I wanted to say goodbye, and after I left, I didn't cry or anything. Just a straight face.
After I left the co-
-mmunity, my otherwise artificial interest in transgressive fictional art quickly vanished.
Right now, I'm neither "anti" or "proship". I think both sides are annoying but for their own reasons. Back when I was in anti spaces, I felt too "proship" for them, and in proship spaces I felt too "anti" for proshippers.
Soooo, what am I now?
I guess I could call myself a "nevershipper". Like being politically homeless, but for fandoms.
What am I doing right now?
Just living a normal life. I still draw, but only for myself. I actually hate high engagement because I get easily anxious and stressed out when that happens, and the risk of losing control over where my art goes.