growing up on the internet story time

when i was 14 years old, i made my first homepage using my mom's university shell/webspace allotment (5 megs) which was supposed to be for posting homework and email storage

there was no such thing as a profile pic in 94, but i decided that i should have a photo of me at the top of the page. i inexplicably decided that instead of scanning in a school photo, it made more sense to post a gif of some kid i found on a bbs with Night Owl cd-roms. today, i found that exact photo - it is uncredited sadly - just "boy eating watermelon"

for my bio, instead of writing about my hobbies and interests, i proceeded to fabricate an entire identity that claimed i was the captain of the volleyball team, a straight-A student, and one of the coolest kids in my school. 0/3 of those things were even close to reality. i figured - hey, who cares? no one's ever gonna see this.

a year later, my junior high school got its first internet connection - a 28.8k modem shared among 20 macintosh LC's in the lab. my computer ("information processing") teacher decided that our class should learn how to make a web page as a unit project.

i told him that i had already made a homepage ages ago, and wanted to submit that as my final assignment so i could go play Bolo instead. he asked me to show him the site.

the entire class crowded around my monitor as it loaded the page a few bytes at a time. i was feeling pretty smug until i saw the straw hat, and realized that the bio was pure bullshit. i tried to turn off the monitor but it was too late - 20 kids and my teacher got to read how this bony kid in front of them was apparently a world class athlete, One Of The Cool Kids, and future valedictorian.

i deleted the entire site the second i got home 😅

#bbs #smolweb #smallWeb #macintosh