Adrianna Tan
i don't understand the desire to run away and live on one's own away from people. i want to live among many different types of people, who will all feed me delicious things. i would be absolutely miserable in an isolated place.
Jun 17, 2025 at 7:31pmWeb
Show threadAdrianna TanJun 17, 2025

One of my constraints around ‘places to live’ is, I have never, not once in my life lived somewhere where I need to ‘get into a private vehicle and travel somewhere else to food or things’. I’ve always lived in ultra dense big cities (SF being the smallest one), and so that sort of walkable or bus or train type situation, going round the corner in my pajamas to get galangal, or to to the fishmonger, instead of big box stores and cars, is just broadly what I prefer. And there aren’t that many places to live like that this side of the world

I think I would be extremely depressed if I changed that

Show threadAdrianna TanJun 17, 2025

I couldn’t even walk 10 steps of my house yesterday without my neighbor forcing me to take a giant ‘zongzi’ (Chinese rice ‘tamale’ eaten for some special occasions)

I also got fed homemade soy milk so I’m happy

Show threadAdrianna TanJun 17, 2025
i think i might be able to live in say, the thai or indonesian or taiwanese countryside (basically somewhere where i am culturally familiar) but i do not think i can live somewhere where countryside means 'nobody like me for 100 miles' and even then i think the step down in diversity would be a challenge too
Show threadMartijn FaassenJun 17, 2025
@skinnylatte
Yeah, that is often underestimated by dreaming of the countryside. It's important there are people who understand who you are. I can see my wife still struggles with that at times, even though it's not the countryside.
Show threadIan WilliamsonJun 17, 2025
@skinnylatte This. The whole retire to the countryside and grow old thing just makes me think kill me now!
Show threadquadrivial, tall and grayingJun 17, 2025
@skinnylatte right there with you. My retirement dream is to live someplace interesting where I don't have a car. Unfortunately I am probably too big (6'4" and extremely clutzy) to live in a typical high density city apartment with my spouse, so I'm still trying to figure that out.
Show threadMartijn FaassenJun 17, 2025

@skinnylatte
There is definitely a lot of suburban wasteland, and I think the US is worse.

But it doesn't have to be that way. Where we live now there are multiple ethnic grocery stores (Polish, Turkish, Suriname, Asian "toko", etc), all within walking distance or a few minutes in a bus in nearby shopping areas.

And downtown is about 15 minutes away by bus.

It isn't a giant cosmopolitan metropolis though, fewer folks will feed you

Show threadMartijn FaassenJun 17, 2025

@skinnylatte
Primary school for our son was 5 minutes walking, crossing 1 minor street. So is the doctor's office. Now he cycles to secondary school in 15 minutes.

5 minutes cycling away is my allotment garden plot where me, fruit, flowers, veggies and weeds hang out.

5 minutes walking are various wooded areas, as the woods come into the city at this point. There's a petting zoo there. You can also go in another direction, walk or cycle by a canal.

Show threadAaronJun 17, 2025
@skinnylatte I want both. An isolated cottage in the woods where I can't hear the neighbors' yells and dogs and engines or smell their illegally burning garbage, but a short hop away from a multicultural wonderland with tons of different food (and music) choices.
Show threadNeil E. HodgesJun 17, 2025
@skinnylatte This is why I moved to the inner city. Yes, things are messy down here, but I just keep in mind that most of that was caused by actions of the ruling class. >:(
Show threadMonte WardJun 17, 2025
@skinnylatte Do you consider yourself to be introverted or extroverted? Introverts often crave time outs to recharge, and this is more feasible if there can be some geographic or architectural separation. It doesn't necessarily require being in a remote location. It's often just easier if it is.
Show threadAdrianna TanJun 17, 2025
@mrw3 i am extremely introverted and autistic but I have always lived in big cities and find density and people comforting. Just because there are lots of people doesn’t mean I have to interact with them. It just makes sense for my brain. I am energized by diversity and different cultures and people
Show threadNazaniJun 17, 2025
@skinnylatte @mrw3 I get all that stuff from nature. A satellite internet connection would be cool; drop in food by drone.
Show threadAdrianna TanJun 17, 2025

@Nazani @mrw3 I now increasingly spend half my time in the smallest place I have ever lived (Monterey, population 30K), which is also a stunningly beautiful place, so I appreciate the balance.

All to say, I like either end of the ‘extremes’, but I refuse to live in a giant parking lot (suburbs)

Show threadNazaniJun 17, 2025
@skinnylatte @mrw3
Ah, I went to the Defense Language Inst in Monterey; nature is all around.
Show threadMonte WardJun 17, 2025
@skinnylatte @Nazani I could not agree more.
Show threadBill ZaumenJun 17, 2025
@Nazani @skinnylatte @mrw3 I haven't had food dropped in by drone, but have had food dropped in by a small airplane while in Alaska. We ran across one form of wildlife we could do without: mosquitoes (jokingly referred to as the Alaska state bird - what they lack in size they make up for in numbers). Thick clothing and lots of mosquito repellent helps.
Show threadMonte WardJun 17, 2025
@skinnylatte I'm introverted and neurotypical but need outdoor, natural settings to recharge, reset and maintain my grounding. I do best if I live remotely and then actively seek people and culture when I'm ready.
Show threadLiminal witch 🧙‍♀️ SarahJun 17, 2025

@skinnylatte long term I'd like to settle in a village that's not that far from a larger town/city and has decent bus/train connections.

There are some draw backs like not being able to go to a food place on a whim.

But cities tend to be too lound and too busy and I need to go cycling up the hill on a forest maintenance route to recenter myself and calm down. Tartu is an exception.

Show threadzygmydJun 17, 2025

@skinnylatte

From my perspective there are a few baked-in assumptions here:

Living in a city with the noise and smells is not itself physically (sensorily) painful.

You can afford to live in the city. (Rent/mortgage, utilities, transportation, et cetera.)

You can afford to buy delicious things in the city.

You socialize well enough with people that they want to feed you delicious things.

If you start unticking those boxes then it eventually may become a set of competing unhappinesses where you chose the least worst option.

Show threadAdrianna TanJun 17, 2025

@zygmyd all true in the N American context, but i basically grew up in a city state and never had any other way of life available to me, even if all of those things were not true.

i'm learning now about different ways of living, i'm glad they exist, but also, i am still deeply comforted by cities. and in this context, it's because they tend to be the only places that provide me with the cultural affinity i am after, vs being a complete outsider in places with far less diversity.

it's a reasonable cost for me, one that would take a lot to give up.

Show threadzygmydJun 17, 2025

@skinnylatte

I have myself tried country, city, and suburban living and city living by far suits me. Likewise, it would take a lot for me to give this up.

Show threadjoel bJun 17, 2025
@skinnylatte I think it's funny how everyone assumes every city is a completely paved concrete jungle. Here in Seattle we have lots of green spaces, walking paths, biking paths, even a handful of lakes and ponds in the city limits. All with a functional transit system and vibrant multi-cultural life. I would never trade all of this just to be in the middle of nowhere where I have to drive 30 minutes to buy a pepper.
Show threadKevJun 17, 2025

@skinnylatte For me the fantasy is being away from people means never hurting or disappointing them or being judged for being too emotional or doing things your own way, or not wanting to eat something unfamiliar or you didn't like. As long as I could have a cat for company... It can eat me when I die, and nobody would have to know or miss me (though ideally my theoretical cat will be found before any harm comes to it, so I'd almost be willing to jsut not have a cat)

It took me years to learnt o stop automatically and ceaselessly smiling around people to not give the impression I was angry or discontent (and so I wouldn't get in trouble for not looking happy and pleasant).

Y'know, trauma.

Show threadShantell PowellJun 18, 2025
@skinnylatte I grew up in rural and remote areas. I appreciate the conveniences of living in a city, but am happiest away from anthropogenic sounds. I miss not being surrounded by people all the time.