@Aminorjourney

In terms of hidden disability, I go through cycles of disclosure and antidisclosure and both have brutal consequences. Currently in a cycle of antidisclosure which means that I have to be colder and more distant, creating an artificial persona around 'if you don't respect my hard boundaries of no, I will not interact with you outside of what is necessary for function'. Obviously this has major trust implications for both parties, is terrtible for report, and sometimes just doesn't work, if mutual function relies on some disclosure.

I know I need to get back on the disclosure cycle but like you alude to getting people to understand is basically impossible. I find that people tend to use this information against me, as they will technically accommodate my boundaries, but then skirt them by writing me off and disparaging me (othering me) in other ways in an effort to remove me. I'm resigned to the paradox of disclosure. I can't get most doctors to take me seriously, so how can I expect the public to? For the most part I've just lowered my expectations for others. My general response is to state my limitations baldly and blankly without offering explanation and leave no room for interpretation, but again this results in my having a cold, distant demeanor with related consequences.

Of course I imagine the best solution could be to find other people with hidden disabilities but that has its own problems; how to find something that is hidden; disabilities are so diverse and mine is unlike many others; just because we have disability in common doesn't mean we have anything else in common; internalized ablism; etc. In the end, i'm trying to learn to be comfortable being alone and sharp in my boundaries without attempting to explain myself (both personally and professionally) while also trying to not let that embitter me and remaining open to connection when the opportunity arises.

#InvisibleDisability #Disability