annHoweThis app requires access to your contacts
TheOrcWhoWrites“FlushMe: Have You Shat Today!?”
bstixDon’t worry. I’m on a streak. If I keep it going for 30 days I will unlock the flushing feature without having to pay for premium.
Agility0971Just 9.99 per month
Until the company shuts down it’s servers and your toilet stops working.
oddAnd that’d be “only” a toilet. People out there euphorically buying cars like that.
People are overwhelmingly idiots. You cannot change my mind.
And it goes down mid-use, and the toilet has tamper-proofing that stops you from emptying it any other way “for security”.
JonasAnd then you “unfortunately” have to buy the newer version for just a couple of bucks more
Unrecognized toilet paper roll detected. Please make sure to only use authentic rolls.
For the basic plan, based on usage though it looks like you’d save more with our premium tier that allows unlimited flushes per day and includes our smellfesh scent subscription.
Funny how this is supposed to be absurd - upside down duck, cake, “bizarro” and all - but it’s actually pretty accurate. So many products out there that require you to download their shitty spyware in order to do the things they are supposed to do.
If you buy garbage products you get garbage products. That’s on you.
Yep. Until you can’t find non-garbage products anymore because 95% of everyone else is dumb enough to fall for it.
I think there’s a reasonable case to be made against buyer beware here, we need to ban this shit.
pimento64For example, try buying a television in a retail store that doesn’t have “smart” features at all, just inputs, outputs, and a digital tuner.
I wish. I really do. I want it so badly. My TV upgrades over the past 4 years have all been thrift store finds because I refuse to be forced to buy a device that WILL be obsolete one day.
From what I’ve heard, the move is to substitute in a monitor.
but 30"+ monitors are extremely expensive :(
That’s what you get for not paying by watchind ads
I know your comment is probably /s but even the expensive $1k+ TVs have “smart” features and ads now.
You can buy display panels, and Sceptre TVs still have non-smart options.
Wow this is amazing! Thanks for sharing
InternetCitizen2I was just making this point with a laissez faire capitalism coworker. Bro just cannot understand the invisible hand is very often wrong.
That’s funny to hear. I’d actually say this kind of thing that happens with electronics is unusual, and people do know what’s in their own best interest the vast majority of the time. Dunno if that puts me in the picture or not.
and people do know what’s in their own best interest the vast majority of the time.
Is that true if the vast majority of people are either uninformed or apathetic?
Magical boxes aside, people understand and pay attention to things that are of direct personal interest to them. Transit schedules, typical prices of things in their area and so on. Which garbage bins to check if you’re really poor, how to avoid taxes if you’re really rich.
So, I guess it wouldn’t be, but people actually aren’t stupid or apathetic (about their own life) in general.
Find me a new car in 2024 that doesnt store every GPS coordinate you’ve driven at for eternity. Genuinely, I’d like to see the non-garbage option because my '04 is getting old.
If I buy a new car, I’m going to have to figure out how to lobotomise it. At the very least, you should be able to mess up or cage any transmitters.
I have no idea if that’s possible without taking the whole thing apart, though.
As far as I am aware, most of them aren’t directly transmitting data back to the manufacturer, but the data is stored on the car so if you ever have it worked on the dealership can just pull that shit without consent. I could be wrong though, maybe there are cars now that are doing that. I do know that a a lot of cars are taking the iPhone route of having “encrypted” parts, where if one is missing or replaced, the car just won’t work.
sexy_peachtoo many household appliances need an app
The Japanese have already perfected smart toilets. There is no app, but there are loads of buttons, including for a heated seat and some music or ambient sounds to help you relax and disguise unpleasant noises.
What about a little fountain spritz of lit up water like in that one Simpsons episode?
AnUnusualRelicAnd fireworks for celebratory pooping.
Those would be clogged up in a few days. And I’m not even talking about shit, but limescale buildup. We have super hard water here.
The disparity in toilets in that country is insane. You have ones with full remote controls on the seat in some places then others that are squat holes that flush
What a shitty idea.
Enshitification intensifies.
Android has this feature of “Work Profile” that allows you to put these shitty apps in a separate profile so they can’t accept any of your data. I mean it’d be better if we don’t have distopian apps to begin with, but here we are…
(I used an app called “Shelter” that sets up a “work profile” and put apps in there and the apps can’t acces my photos contacts, or anything basically)
There’s also Insular which let’s you clone apps and run them in an isolated sandbox. It’s open source and available in F-Droid.
Correct! I use it whenever I am forced to install some apps. I always loved the android architechture
The first thing to be flushed down that drain would be the plumber.
Is nobody gonna mention the blueberry pie sitting in the middle of the hallway?
People who greenlight these apps never heard of the cylons.
This could legit be helpful for me. There are so many times when I think I flushed the toilet but it turns out I didn’t
It tracks the quality of your shits, draws a graph of the daily amount that you can share on social media and recommends a list of sponsored foods depending on your needs.
DrownedRatsYou jest but that’s literally already a thing that exists and you can buy it!
I know you’re joking but a toilet that analyzes your stool would be quite remarkable health monitoring device to go along with our smartwatches and stuff. I bet there’s loads of health markers you could see from it.
Unremarkable shits. Your insurance claim has been denied
The remote bidet feature could be fun at parties!
Triple Flush Achievement Unlocked!
Share with your friends?
Shares with all of your contacts by default. Also includes a sales pitch to each of them to sign up as well
Free trial exhausted. Subscribe now to keep using server infrastructure. After all, all you bought was the toilet, you can’t expect the server space for free.
🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 🏆In an alternate universe where /c/shitpost is a place where users share images of their latest bowel movement.
I’m pretty sure there actually was a community like that on Reddit.
NOOO!!! This is the Torment Nexus of toilets… now some company is going to do this…
Some company surely already done this.
HiramFromTheChiNot just download the app, but sign up for an account (and the newsletter in the process).
Then grant permissions to your phone:
- camera (so it can watch you poop and train + analyze the footage with AI)
- microphone (so it can hear and analyze if your plops are optimal)
- contacts (to send out an invitation to all your contacts, along with a clip of your last poop sesh)
- photos and videos (to upload, store, and analyze your life since birth, along with everyone else who’s in your pictures)
- sensors (to see how you’re holding the phone, when, how much, how hard, etc.)
- notifications (to sell you the premium plan)
- location (for pinpoint accuracy of your 💩 locations)
- call logs (to see who you’re communicating with before, during, and after you drop your log)
- nearby devices (for accuracy and to silently communicate with nearby devices)
- calendar (for full history and to schedule your next mondo duke)
Don’t forget all the health and biometric data, last used app, and Facebook access
DrDystopiaNow we’re talking proper dystopia!
moosetwinyeah I have the toilet from this photograph, it’s really frustrating. good post OP, it’s definitely relevant to the community