levampyreDec 9, 2024
Dear fellow autistic or monotropic peers, I need your advice. I struggle with taking "me time", esp. in stressfull tides. How do you do it? How are you able to relax when you know you have unfinished business? How do you not feel guilty (?) thinking about all the chores you didn't do today? How do you drop tasks you or your loved ones depend on? And how do you give away responsibility, when it means that you also lose control over how things are done? @actuallyautistic #autism #monotropism
Show threadplay in progressDec 9, 2024

@levampyre @actuallyautistic I'm more terrified of having a nervous breakdown again than of failing at any of the tasks on my plate, and this is while already being basically perma-precarious - in other words food insecurity etc. are never truly out of my sight. So, no fun.

But if I don't rest, and rest *enough*, eventually my body and mind just stop functioning, and I have experienced what that is like, and it makes rest non-negotiable. Scariest experience of my life.

Show threadplay in progressDec 9, 2024
@levampyre @actuallyautistic ...but getting there took a pretty comprehensive demolition of my previous self-image, so 🤷
Show threadlevampyre
@playinprogress I've heard that from other friends as well. That when you get into a burnout cycle it becomes harder and harder to ever get out again. And I've been warned to not risk that. I will probably need some demolition of my self image, too, at least to figure out what's really important (for/to me) and what's not so important. And then drop or reduce the unimportant stuff.
Dec 9, 2024 at 4:04pmWeb
Show threadkathaDec 9, 2024
@levampyre @playinprogress also this, I have to sadly second this
Show threadplay in progressDec 9, 2024

@kathol @levampyre I have also become a bit like teflon for other people's expectations regarding what I should be able to do in what time frame, or even at all. But that is probably downstream from understanding myself as disabled, *and not being ashamed of it*. I don't apologize for my limitations anymore, I just state them. "Ich mache was ich kann, und was ich nicht kann mache ich nicht."

I am also basically unemployable at this point.

Show threadkathaDec 9, 2024

@playinprogress @levampyre also, I'm not cleaning. If you don't like the state of windows, floors or corners of the rooms, let me tell you were everything is.

(Though we're only having folks ovee not rising this issue...)

Show threadBergisches BäuerleinDec 9, 2024

@kathol @playinprogress @levampyre good advice.
But usually *I* don't like the state of windows, floors and corners and that's the main problem.

I try to accept that I cannot do all the stuff I like to be done and also try use that as a shield when external demands are incoming.

"that lawn needs mowing" - "yes, that would be nice"

Or: "Du musst das mal reparieren" - "*ja, aber man kommt ja zu nichts*". For that Phrase I'm famous. Sometimes it even works.

Show threadlevampyreDec 9, 2024
@hof Yeah in regard to the state of our home it's also I who is most bothered by the mess. I live with two kids and an ADHD wife. Everything always lies about, gets dropped wherever it was used last and creeps into my sense of order from there. Meaning, before I can even start the dishwasher, I need to collect all the dishes. Before I start the vacuum, I have to put away the Legos, etc. If I don't wanna do it myself I have to kick people's ass and risk a family fight. 😅
@kathol @playinprogress
Show threadlevampyreDec 9, 2024
@hof I have already given up on a shiny, minimalist home. I also like spaces looking homely and used, like someone is actually living there and not like a design catalogue photo. But if I stopped my regular cleaning routines, like some people suggested I do to teach my family a lesson, I fear I'd be the only one actually suffering, before it would bother anyone else in my household.
@kathol @playinprogress
Show threadlevampyreDec 9, 2024

@hof @kathol @playinprogress

Oh, btw. do you all know that proverb: "A clean house is a sign of a wasted life"? It became my mantra when I first heard it.

Show threadBergisches BäuerleinDec 9, 2024
@levampyre @kathol @playinprogress
Show threadkathaDec 10, 2024

@hof @levampyre @playinprogress we have the same sticker. We have almost the same family constelation and cleaning problems.

Also, that "teaching my family a lesson" does not work here.

Sometimes "Dienste" work. But only sometimes.

And then there is the whole clean state, clear mind kind of problem. But sadly, there came a point, where I could not any more. And after a time, it even was ok (though it is not always).

Show threadkathaDec 10, 2024
@hof @levampyre @playinprogress (but we also had some very heated discussions about this sticker not valueing care and cleaning work and how, in the end, someone has to do it, even if you pay someone (way too little) to do it for you.)
Show threadlevampyreDec 10, 2024
@kathol Yes, the devaluation of unpaid household work or any "womenly" work is really not funny at all. Results in a whole culture of lower paid care jobs, which is a disgrace for society. It's also visible in that chore table on your fridge you sent us. Somehow your picture and your tasks are missing. A symbol of all the household chores still being YOUR responsibility somehow. The others are only helping you a bit with your chores, because mommy can't do it all.
@hof @playinprogress
Show threadlevampyreDec 10, 2024

@kathol (I'm not saying this to mock you for being an unemanzipated household, btw. It's the same at our household, and WE consider ourselves emanzipated and super aware of equality and feminist ideas.)

@hof @playinprogress

Show threadkathaDec 10, 2024

@levampyre @hof @playinprogress oh, no, actually I'm the one with the hat, the other grown up part is missing (not pictured, but still there).

But the rest still holds. We are a household, where I'm the main financially provider, and the male part is doing almost all of the care work, but still, there is a lot of invisible work going on at my part.

Show threadlevampyreDec 10, 2024

@kathol Ah, I see. My bad. Then it's still my own prejudices deceiving me. 🙈

@hof @playinprogress

Show threadplay in progressDec 9, 2024
@levampyre ...and I am not sure if you were joking higher up in the thread when you mentioned drugs, but some substances can be helpful for some parts of the process if chosen wisely. Though that is not a topic for a place like this.
Show threadlevampyreDec 9, 2024
@playinprogress Let's discuss it elsewhere then. I was only partly joking. Maybe I should come visit you again next fall for some chestnut forraging.