RedeemerWhat are the advantages and disadvantages of being in a relationship?
KimdraculaLosing your virginity, sex and reproduction for what I’ve seen.
The need to put up with other people’s shit. Sacrifice your “me” time.
Annoyed_🦀 Very incel way of looking at relationship.
I don’t hate women. So no.
Incel doesn’t exactly only mean hating woman, incel is basically why you’re still single, then you blame it on everything else other than you, hating woman are just a part of it. If someone doesn’t want to accept your way of living, then find someone else.
I’m not blaming anything. I’m well aware what an average semi attractive woman wants from a man. I will never be those things. That’s not me, I never cared about being those things.
I will never be those things.
Before I was in a relationship, I was 100% wrong about what “those things” actually are, for what that’s worth.
You’re a minority.
See, that’s what i’m saying.
You didn’t said anything.
This is exactly what people are referring to when they say you sound like an incel, fyi
Again. Incorrect
Doubt it. Every single person who’s seen you talk in this thread has agreed. That should be your trigger to say “I wonder why that is”. Or ignore the outside world, but then why post here?
This is an incel attitude. The notion that “all women” want any single thing, let alone this caricature is gross. It’s insulting to women and men alike, and betrays that your mindset is immature, ill-informed, and toxic.
Pandantic [they/them]So, have you been in past relationships where you learned this or from some sort of observation (going on dates for example)?
I’ve never been in a relationship. I know this by proxy, average, heard things, data.
So is your relationship abstinence due to striking out because your personality or idea of relationships doesn’t fit the norm and you can’t find a suitable partner, or has your perception of relationships kept you from pursuing relationships entirely?
You basically asked the same thing again. I’m not a good candidate, I don’t have a job and when I had one was low income, I’m not social at all, i hate going out to do fun stuff, I don’t want to engage or entangle with “her family”, I don’t drive or own a car, I don’t have my own place, I’m not physically strong or good looking and I don’t care about being it. I’m not charming or romantic and hate conversations. Would you date me if I you were a girl? No right? That’s my point.
I didn’t ask the same question, and you avoided answering mine which was: have you tried or have you just considered yourself a failure?
I became friends with a guy like you, and I had money so I took him places and paid for things because we had fun together. Your situation isn’t hopeless, but your attitude is. Yes, if you want to have a relationship, you do have to be personable because that’s the only way someone would want to hang out with you. You listed all the negative things about your situation but nothing about your hobbies, what you like to do. Okay, you don’t like to “go out and have fun” but do you like to stay in and have fun? My friend and I often played video games together, is that an option?
There are detriments on your list that sound negative not only to a potential partner, but to you. Do you want to have a job? Do you want to have your own place? If so, what’s stopping you? I know you were reading that ex-incel post, so you know many people started by focusing on what they wanted to improve in their lives and forgetting about relationships. You are in a negative place, and I will bet that it’s not just about relationships but about yourself.
Btw, my friend is in a poly relationship now, got his GED, moved to his own place, went to trade school, and works at a news station. The most important thing is he is more confident, comfortable with himself as he is, and happy. It’s not impossible, but you do have to do the work.
You’ll probably have an angry response to this, but I don’t want anyone to think they are a lost cause because that’s what their brain is saying and how society makes them feel, so I just wanted to say something.
Angry? I’m just saying the truth. I like videogames but that’s hardly anything majority of women like, majority haven’t even playing anything in their lives. And honestly no, I don’t want to “improve” or change myself into being another person. I dunno what ged is, I’m guessing it’s studies, I had only make it up to middle school. You think I’m a failure, I don’t care.
Where did I say you were a failure? I am just trying to help. But it seems, as angry as you come off on the internet, you are happy with all the things you listed as detrimental to having a partner, which is fine. It’s just so odd that someone so opposed to having a relationship because they are happy with they way they are would even get so involved in a discussion on relationships with no real experience on the topic.
Though I will say, that the fact that you don’t want to improve yourself at all would be a red flag against me dating you. I believe that we should strive to improve ourselves every day - to become better people than we were before - because when you stay the same, you stagnate, which is not beneficial to your health or mental wellbeing.
Anyway, have a great life, good luck! I hope you get everything you deserve in life! ✌️
I’ve never said I’m happy. I’m fucked. But that’s the way things are
And your defeatist attitude will keep you there. Again, good luck. 👍
Is just facts, so I’m a defeatist because I don’t wanna fit?
You are a defeatist because you are unhappy and unwilling to do anything about it.
And that’s the last I’m saying. I just can’t bother with someone who wants to keep talking like the world is the way it is and there’s nothing you can do to change it.
There’s not
You don’t want to be happy?
Changing your environment is a middle class luxury, do you think poor people have the luxury of “start over again” moving and stuff, that bs is from your Hollywood movies.
It would certainly help. “Change your environment” doesn’t necessarily mean “move”. Getting a job counts. Surrounding yourself with people who have healthy thought patterns counts. Redecorating your room counts.
Healthy thoughts? So apparently I’m supposed to surround myself with gay people or something? Because everyone screws everyone. I don’t see that as unhealthy, is just reality
I haven’t been screwed over by someone in literal years, because I surround myself with people who don’t do that. Again, if you think “everyone” does something, that’s likely not true; it’s only a reflection of the people you see daily.
You trying to gaslight me won’t change my reality. Again, I barely interact with everyone, right now I’m being screwed by people that I don’t know yet I’m forced to talk to, don’t fucking lie to me. You’re not living my life, stop talking in dumb guru lines, improving your environment isn’t a thing.
I’d argue my tone has been at least 50% technical rather than pure guru nonsense, but fine, how about I switch to something more direct. Get off your ass and stop complaining about your life without making any effort to fix it. You want to be happy? You want the people that you know to treat you with respect? Drop the ones who don’t, and find ones who do! I’m not lying, I’m not gaslighting, and I’m not trying to mislead you. What possible incentive would I have to do that? Do you think everyone goes around being miserable 100% of the time? No, because we have chosen to identify and fix the problems in our lives (internal and external– that’s why I keep bringing up environments), so that we can enjoy the lives we’re making. You owe it to yourself to do the same.
Obviously I don’t know much about your life, that’s why I’m trying to get you to understand how to fix it yourself. I can’t do shit, I’m just trying to motivate you to do something. If you do have someone in your life that you value and trust, you should ask them for advice, but until you do, this is the best you’re gonna get.
women want most of the time chatting and socially active strong men able to carry a conversation, manly enough to create a home and have a decent amount of money but delicate enough to be romantic.
That is also what I thought. And I was mostly wrong.
Everyone is unique. Stereotypes usually exist for reasons, but exceptions are much more common than I realized.
I am, genuinely, several of those things, at least a small fraction of the time.
But that’s not my secret.
I’ll share my key attributes that really worked:
- My current partner lived in a shitty situation. Physically shitty. I fixed a bunch of gaps in the walls with a can a “great stuff”. We were just friends at the time, and I wasn’t looking for anything. It’s just something I knew how to do, and my friend’s friend (now my long term partner) needed it done. I was fucking clueless how much this meant to them, at the time.
Presently, how I maintain my relationship:
- I’m sometimes really deeply shitty at talking to people, so I usually use few words and choose them carefully. My (valid) fear of fucking up is a kind of super power for avoiding dumb partner fights.
- I still fix stuff. I’m not afraid of getting dirty, and YouTube academy has been very good to me.
- I ask questions during any kind of physical interaction. Mainly “do you want to be touched there?” and "How does that feel?"
- I still follow a strict budget, even though I now make good money. I’ve heard money fights are a big thing, but making and mostly sticking to a written budget has let me dodge that bullet.
Stereotype exist because it’s a reality. You being lucky has nothing to do with that. I could try to do what you had done 50 times without any results.