Gentle GolemJul 17, 2024

On the topic of, out of the blue, discussing your children's belief in Santa Clause with a stranger (me):

I (now) understand that culturally this was used as an indicator of the maturity of the children, and that this interaction is, culturally, normal.

But as an outsider, it's kinda weird, right?

There was obviously sub-communication behind the statement that I missed. She was using body language to convey her meaning, and I was a blind man unable to see.

To someone who picked up the intended meaning, it would be normal, but without that, it's objectively weird, right?

"My child believes that a mythical figure is real" is not something I would expect to learn after knowing someone for less than 2 hours.

1/

Show threadGentle GolemJul 17, 2024

But, to be real here, the reason I made the post in the first place was because it was very uncomfortable for me.

Basically, it made me feel very much "othered" and I didn't like it.

It wasn't intentional, but it WAS something that put me on the outside and reminded that I don't fully fit in or belong.

2/

Show threadGentle GolemJul 17, 2024

I thought sharing the experience with other Jews might help dissipate the "otherness" of the experience.

We could laugh at how silly it is, and the feeling would dissipate.

3/3

Show threadTerryBJul 17, 2024
@noharmpun You don't have a bio. But do we take it that you didn't grow up in a Christian majority location, or one exposed to those assumptions.We have a running joke (we're not alone in this) that as soon as the retailer's shelves are emptied of Easter eggs they'll be filling with Christmas gifts/Hallowe'en stuff. And vice versa.
Show threadGentle GolemJul 17, 2024

@terryb No, I grew up in a heavily Christian majority location. The stuff was all around me, but I/we just avoided it as much I/we could.

Private Jewish/Hebrew school, etc.

I dated a Shiksa in high school. I helped decorate a tree once. Opened presents.

Honestly, I knew that "my kid still believes" in Christmas means "my kid is still innocent". That isn't the part I had a problem with. But I'm convinced even that was not the full communication. I definitely missed part of what was intended.

It's the how and why and where and when and awkwardness of it.

I have been othered all my life, and have kept myself othered, but this was a new one for me, and it was uncomfortable.

Show threadCali SperaJul 17, 2024

@noharmpun @terryb

I'm sorry you felt that way

I want to offer my goysche perspective on this

The walk of life of your children has an existential meaning

Because it represents the continuity of your tribe

But it also involves you as a parent on a very personal level

Subjectively, it's the biggest investment of your life

It's not only about the tribe. It's about you personally, the meaning of your life

This woman has shared with you something intimate, deeply meaningful

That's a gesture of acknowledgment, of trust

She felt you did belong

I suspect she did so because you're a father on your own

So she assumed you could relate to the investment of fatherhood

The intent was not, I think, to remark that you don't share this meaning

I think it was the opposite

Maybe she was a bit clumsy in not considering possible cultural differences

That usually happens out of ignorance/provincialism

My 2 cents

Show threadGentle Golem

@calispera

She obviously didn't hold any ill-will or mean harm. I'm sorry if I implied that she did.

Jul 17, 2024 at 7:07pmWeb