Erica the faeJul 1, 2024

I'm really struggling with my thesis work right now - I'm not sure I've managed to work more than one day in the last week... fortnight? And what I did get done was the more hands-on stuff, but the next step is "just" to sit down and write. And it's not like I have grand goals or anything like that - I just need to do SOMETHING.

But it's as if every time I as much as think about thinking about sitting down to do said work, my mind goes "nope!" and shifts focus to something else, anything else.

I know it's typical ADHD stuff, that I struggle to find the work motivating or rewarding in any way, and that I've probably been under stress for so damn long that all this nothingness is partly a freeze response. But I still need to fucking work.

And I'm so frustrated and angry and hopeless, because this inability to "do" have defined my life for decades now. I don't know how to change it.

What if I can't change it?

#adhd #help

Show threadADHDAlly

@erica I feel you on this. I have a lot of fear that I won't be able to get myself to do the things I need to do to accomplish what I want.

You're not alone :) It's genuinely hard and not your fault.

If you're looking for concrete advice: give yourself a little time to really feel this without trying to make yourself do stuff. A little pause helps to reset some of the anxiety.

Body doubling is great if you can find people you like to work with.

Jul 1, 2024 at 5:33pmWeb
Show threadErica the faeJul 1, 2024

@ADHDAlly Thank you.

And yeah, brute forcing it both doesn't work and ends up adding more negative experiences to the entire thing. But I've given myself grace and patience and forgiveness for so fucking long and I'm still not anywhere near being okay.

Though, writing it out does seem to at least keep me engaged with all of this rather than just fleeing like I'm wont to do.

About body doubling, I don't have anyone like that, although I do think it would help. I've considered using FocusMate, but just the thought of having to be "seen" makes me feel anxious and uncomfortable.

Show threadADHDAllyJul 1, 2024

@erica I hate feeling like people are looking at me too - which makes online bodydoubling hard.

Have you tried coffee shops? There's one near my local University and sitting with a bunch of other people who are studying is almost as good for me as something more focused.

I'm also working on finishing something that has lost all sense of novelty. It's such a grind and so hard to focus on.

Show threadErica the faeJul 1, 2024

@ADHDAlly Yeah, coffee shops and libraries - even the quiet section. If I'm lucky they work for a day or two, but I've always ended up just sitting there wasting time (reading fanfiction, daydreaming or fiddling with my sleeves). Part of it is that I'm very noise and other input sensitive - where some seem to thrive with (or need) music or other background data to focus, for me it ends up being distracting and annoying.
And the entire getting into town part is it's own ordeal that takes a lot of energy.

Gosh, this sounds like such a negative mindset - like I'm just coming up with excuses (or at least, that is what I can imagine someone saying as a counter-argument). But they're based on real life experiences, you know? I haven't really had many good experiences with trying all the usual things.

Show threadADHDAllyJul 1, 2024
@erica Yeah. Fundamentally, its hard. I totally understand trying all the things that *should* work and not having them work.