Lex FriedmanWhat do we consider proper etiquette on morning texting? After 9am? Assume other party leverages Do Not Disturb settings and text anytime? Something else?
Text after 9am
Text anytime
Poll ended at .
James Thomson@lexfri If somebody doesn’t use do not disturb, you are just helping them find the settings.
ChancerubbageFar easier to turn off audio notifications. If I am not staring at a screen I don’t know of the text until next time I do.
‘Do not disturb’ is to keep telemarketer and spam calls robocalls from disturbing your sleep cycle.
Kyle Bradbury@lexfri notifications are so prolific at all times, ya gotta figure out how to mute them yourself. Not like you’re making a phone call.
Christina Warren@lexfri honestly, given time zones are so chaotic I say texting is a free for all. Now calling on the other hand…
@film_girl I think this is my take too!
@lexfri yeah, like, if you’re going to call me, or I’m going to call you, and it’s before a certain time, it needs to be a very real emergency. Or really good celebrity gossip.
Rob Lorenz@film_girl @lexfri I don’t disagree, but I find the focus on “before” interesting. I get up pretty early, and I rarely have a morning text bother me. Texts after 9pm are more common. Those, especially after 10pm, can be more annoying. (Maybe that’s just another aspect of my shift to cranky-old-manhood.)
Casey Liss@lexfri If someone doesn't use DND or other equivalent focus mode, that's on them, not on me.
@caseyliss @lexfri totally. And I’m one of those people b/c I sleep insane hours (or don’t sleep). And so that means I get a lot of buzzing notifications and that is fine! I can put DND on if it is that big of a deal!
Mike Guterl@film_girl @caseyliss @lexfri depends on their tech savviness. I live in a different time zone than my parents and I think twice before texting them
Sean Steimer@film_girl @caseyliss @lexfri I think there is some amount of social etiquette lost when we just say “use DND, it’s not my problem”
Yes, use DND, but also, I’m not gonna text you at 6 am if I can help it unless it’s something I need you to see as soon as you wake up.
So many people wanting to be buzzed or dinged! (May be necessary, sure) But I turn audio OFF. Very easy ‘do not disturb’ adjacent behavior.
A text can wait until I am attending a screen visually. A call can go to voice mail.
Kevin GlowaczI think I like to follow Postel’s Law on this one. I'll setup my settings to accept that people may text me anytime, but I don’t assume everyone I text is as diligent as I am about it.
I'll only text at anytime if it is someone that I *know* has also set up their settings.
Don Whiteside@caseyliss @lexfri I mostly agree but make an exception for close family who may/likely have me on VIP. I’m not gonna message my in-laws when I’m confident they’re asleep and make them panic something happened to their kid or grandkids.
Jonathan Dechko@donw @caseyliss @lexfri Sure, but if I message/ call them at an odd hour, it’s likely an emergency.
After years of trying, I finally convinced my mom that turning on DND would be better for her sanity and *still* let us get ahold of her.
@jdechko OMG can you write me a script with how you convinced her? I still can’t convince my wife to enable it despite all of us being on her VIP list.
@donw Unfortunately, there was not a specific moment. More like months (okay, years) of the small conversations and her finally admitting that the random email dings at night were annoying. She reluctantly agreed to turn it on.
To my knowledge, she’s never missed an important call since.
@donw Relatedly, it was the same with iCloud storage / phone backups. Regardless of how dumb it is that Apple only includes 5GB for free, the constant nagging is my problem.
At first, I just solved it by purchasing an iTunes gift card and just adding that to her account a few times a year. (She didn’t want the automatic charges, and I’m starting to agree with no recurring subscriptions, but I digress).
Fortunately, Apple *finally* added shared storage and I just added her to my family.
@jdechko Thankfully I’m in charge of all that in the house so I get to both insist on phones with enough storage (though my wife is receptive to “nobody ever had their day ruined by having too much empty space”) and handle buying storage for all.
Not so receptive about bad sleep hygiene tho. So I just shrug and say “Yeah it’s a real shame you feel so tired. Pass the salt.”
@donw Yeah, it’s more about iCloud backup space in my situation. But easy enough to resolve.
On the other hand, my parents steadfastly refuse to buy a Mac. I suggest it every time they upgrade and essentially wipe my hands of computer tech suppprt because I have no idea.
Ben Gunn@lexfri I still consider texting asynchronous communication by default. If I’m texting you before you’re ready to respond, mark as unread and get back to me later.
Chris@lexfri the DnD stuff is nice, but flawed. Some people might have you on a bypass mode in case something important happens so you have to keep that in mind.
For me, I don’t use the DnD modes since it appears to always show me as being in DnD mode to others bo matter what. Happened on iOS 16 and still in 17 for me. I like the idea but if it always shows me as asleep it kind of defeats the purpose.
Dan Morgan 
@lexfri I have siblings that text as early as 5:30am. We’re all “old” now (52–67) and early risers compared to a lot of people. I’d never dare text my twentysomething children so early unless it was an emergency.
Ambiorickx@lexfri if I know you, text me anytime, I’ll get to it when I get to it. If I don’t know you, don’t text me ever.
Devon Dundee@lexfri This is why we need text scheduling.
Jarrod Blundy@lexfri I usually assume everyone will set their notification preferences to what they want and don't overthink when I'm sending. But if I want a response right away, I'll of course wait until I think they'll be available. Never had someone complain!
Alex, the Hearth Fire@lexfri are we talking social or business texting?
I'll text my friends anytime and let them do with it what they will, but if a company texts me and it's not to remind me of a prescription or a doctor's appointment, they're getting blocked.
And I definitely had recruiters calling me before my alarm, before I discovered bedtime mode.
Brent Simmons@lexfri Not everyone can turn on DND, because there are emergencies that could plausibly happen that they need to be able to handle. (They have a sick or elderly family member, for instance.) Every text message that wakes them up is a heart-stopping moment. So: consider the person and whether or not they might be in that mode. (A mode which can last for years.)
Jonathan Gulbrandsen@brentsimmons @lexfri All that is solved by using Emergency Override in contact settings though. Last portion of https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT212608
Use Focus on your iPhone or iPad
With iOS 15 and iPadOS 15 or later, Focus lets you stay in the moment when you need to concentrate or step away from your device. You can customize Focus settings and choose when you want to receive alerts and notifications, while letting other people and apps know when you’re busy.
@jonathangulbrandsen @brentsimmons I do what Jonathan does but I know not everyone does.
@lexfri @jonathangulbrandsen I can’t possibly know the numbers a call or text might come from. Could be from a family member — but could be from a doctor, the hospital, etc.
@brentsimmons @lexfri Then I'd trust the “if someone calls twice in a row, always let through" feature personally (thinking real emergencies are always calls, not texts). But I get your point.
Paul Chernoff@brentsimmons @lexfri some of us answer every phone call for the same reason. In an emergency “if it’s important they will leave a message is not adequate.
Jason Nassi@lexfri Text anytime. Call never.
Paul Koenig@lexfri I would always presume that someone else does not have Do Not Disturb set up
The Animal and the Machine@lexfri I would like to change my vote. Etiquette is anytime but I try to keep it 9-5.