dvttExtreme Misogyny in Incels Probably Not Caused by Sexual Frustration
zeppoSometimes people mix up the order of things and thus the cause and effect. For instance, with some medical issues, doctors have thought things like “oh, you went on this extreme diet, then you lost weight and had gastric issues”. No, I lost weight and had gastric issues, so I went on an extreme diet. In this case, i think the misogyny precedes lack of success at finding a partner. It can also be a situation of giving up too soon. For me, middle school and high school were so horrible in various ways that i assumed I was 100% doomed - I didn’t realize that life after 20 is very different. It still has high school social aspects, but it’s a lot better in many ways.
Please teach me how to make the best out of my 20s!
If I was to redo my 20s. What worked was going to university in my mid 20s. I was able to finish it much quicker and made some close friends during by that time as well as set my career path going. What I wish I had done was move away from the city I grew up in. I only did it in my late 20s and I regret not doing it sooner.
Have lots of social interactions. It’s valuable. Set yourself up career wise. Always check to know you haven’t hit a ceiling where you’re working. Exercise and travel lots would be my key takeaways.
Great advice, thanks!
tetraodonSame here. I finished my BA at 27 and I went on to take an MA and then a PhD 10 years later.
One more piece of advice: don’t do drugs.
Eh I’d say experiment if you want, but be responsible about it. Don’t let it consume your life or have priority over family, friends, work, etc. If you’re going to party, best to get it out of your system when you’re young, when consequences are less impactful.
And if you do, do the fun stuff like weed, cocaine, shrooms, LSD, stuff like that. Don’t fuck with the dangerous stuff like heroin, fentanyl, meth, or pills like xanax or other benzos. Also alcohol can be dangerous too.
Problem with this is, when you realize it’s not fun anymore you’re sometimes too down the rabbit hole.
I did pot only but I wasted 5 years to stupidity and paranoia.
When you’re a teenager you’re not always aware of your mental health issues.
Doing drugs was good for me, but more than doing drugs was being selective about it. I smoked pot sparingly and dropped acid a few times when I was pretty sure I was in a good place mentally.
UbermeistersAlways check to know you haven’t hit a ceiling where you’re working
Disagree. Sometimes its perfectly fine to hit a ceiling if you are comfortable where you are and are withing comfortable means. This always look for better is exhausting, and 100% guarantees you will never like your job.
I think it’s important in your 20s to push yourself and know where your ambitions and priorities lie. Checking if your work is a dead end can also signify wherever you’re growing in your skill sets too.
What you don’t want is suddenly needing to push yourself later in life having to compete with people younger and hungrier than you. Try young and try hard will help minimise regret later.
How did going to uni in your 20s instead of straight out of high school affect your ability to socialize? Did it introduce any sort of unique struggles or problems, and if so, how did you deal with them?
I feel like going straight after high school allows you to naturally join all the parties and clubs. Which will definitely help with socialising. But I’m not a party guy so I might’ve felt left out and alone anyway.
Going later I made friends with mostly people in their mid 20s too. Which was good because we were more focused on graduating so it was more productive. The friendships I made felt tight and not a flash in a pan or party based. But that really depends on the people you meet.
I think it’s still worth going to uni straight after high school unless you have a good reason not to. What I can say is deciding to go later for career prospects is also great and not too late at all.
Let go of the small things and just be. It’s not exactly “don’t give a fuck,” but it’s close. Aim for meeting people and going out to do things, not necessarily specific people or popular things, just good people and things that are fun for you outside of the house. Realize you will grow and change a lot in your 20s, and so will everyone around you; so if you have a huge crush on someone your age that doesn’t like you back that way, then tell yourself you might really dislike them in 5 years so it’s not a big loss if they don’t like you now. It’s also OK to let friends go if you have an attraction to them that isn’t returned, because you have to protect your mental health. It’s OK to not drink or do drugs, but it’s also OK to drink and do drugs… just don’t do either to extremes and don’t be extreme about not doing drugs/alcohol. Try joining clubs for different things, even things you’ve never done. Realize most people don’t have things figured out in their 20s and that you can make mistakes. Make mistakes. Be well-rounded. It’s cool to play video games and DnD, but don’t JUST do that (especially if you want to meet women). Get clothes that fit properly, not necessarily expensive or cool clothes. A completely plain t-shirt that fits well (go to Target and buy every color of their Goodfellow everywhere V-neck T for $8 each) plus a pair of jeans that aren’t baggy and some Adidas shoes is an outfit you can wear everyday that will look good and is so comfortable.
really depends on the drug imo… It is like playing the lottery… I know people who have permanent health issues (ie - halucinations) now as a result of cannabis and my father died of an OD and got started on hard drugs via a laced joint. I’m not going to be an asshole about it but I really wouldn’t recommend doing drugs.
And that’s totally your choice, but if you judge or avoid others because of their choices then you will be limiting who will be comfortable hanging out with you.
On the other hand, I know plenty of people who get high daily and hold down jobs, families, etc without issue. We’ve all got andecdotes, they mean nothing compared to actual hard data.
EdibleFriendOne main thing to remember…there is no such thing as too many credit cards. 30’s you will be rich and able to take care of that.
I guess as long as they’re not maxxed out lol
Oh god no I’m joking dude no don’t do that lol
You could join the AirForce. Get a degree or two out of it and get to travel some. 4 years isn’t a terrible commitment. I’d avoid the navy, army, or Marines tho, unless you also want to aim for medical disability lol
I was 21 when I joined up. Got my batchelors, saw the world, met some people, did some things. Now I’m settled where I want doing the career I want. I credit the navy with a lot of the growing up/maturing I did.
Uranium3006Don't serve the evil empire
Worked out ok for me
Be more accepting of yourself and follow those passions. Nobody cares in your 20s what you do in your spare time, as long as it is something. There is nothing more boring than a person who has no passions and just exists.
Find exercise that’s fun, that you will continue to do for the rest of your life. Exercise regularly. You don’t need to get swole, but it staves off mental health better than anything.
Compare beers to sodas. If you would feel odd drinking 5 sodas in a row, you should feel odd drinking 5 beers in a row. Don’t be the last guy at the bar/party.
Just build healthy daily habits.
A good beer tastes much nicer than most soft drinks though, and in some cases may well be healthier.
Take care of yourself, dress in a way that makes you look your best, and pursue what you want. Also be fun to be around. Moderately attractive and fun beats out hot and miserable nearly every time
Get fit by finding something you enjoy that gets your heart going, track your spending, learn cook healthy meals, listen well and develop empathy. Good things will come.
One tip, say yes more than you say no.
Of course, there are exceptions, but try to say yes more than you’d initially want. If coworkers are going out for drinks after work, but you’d rather go home and stream/game/etc, go out. Same for other social activities.
As someone in their 20s who detests that kind of thing and wouldn’t ever say yes, what’s the reasoning behind saying yes?
Drunk people are awful, and going out is loud and annoying. Is it just that it’s a good skill to be able to do things that make you miserable?
there is none, and its terrible advice, dont listen to it.
No, it’s good to improve your social skills
For what purpose though? Socialising is a waste of time.
MicrowFor the purpose of not being completely alone and sad in your 30ies
If you never want to have a partner or socialize ever and want to live alone, I guess you could just not talk to people other than for work
This is not the most common case, though
“your network is your net worth” also loneliness kills
Then why are you here?
Suggest an activity not involving drinking that would like to do with others instead.
Just spending time with them without drinking? It’s not a difficult concept. Why do you require alcohol in order to interact with others?
But why do I need to spend time with others at all? Work is for working, I don’t go to work to make friends or socialise.
You don’t have to socialise with co-workers, but if you don’t have many friends it’s a good start. Interacting with other people, improving your social skills, learning and sharing from/with others all help you grow as a human and find your place in the world.
As a fellow introvert, I sympathize, but there’s certian things that are cornerstones of western civilization and unfortunately going out for a pint or five is one of them and has been for centuries, so it’s not going to stop being so any time soon. Adopt a “when in Rome attitude”.
you don’t have to get shitfaced. I usually get non-alcohlic beer
You’ll hate having fun less if you have fun more.
I’m literally on the spectrum and being around people can be the exhausting, but it’s still a good habit to say yes more, because you will genuinely enjoy those experiences, and your life, more as you engage more.
I’m also autistic and I have tried saying yes to things, but I just don’t enjoy it.
Friends are mainly just extra effort that I don’t have the time or energy for. I have one, and my dogs, and I don’t feel I need anything more than that.
Now I just work from home and only have to see coworkers every six months or so for an office visit. It’s pretty great.
I 100% empathize with your situation. Mine was nearly identical in my early 20s. I’m very introverted, spending time with people is draining.
In my late 20s, I started forcing myself to say yes more to nearly anything and everything. I made some great new life long friends, had experiences that I’d never had considered in the past, and overall became a better person due to more varied experiences. Additionally, I’ve had many career opportunities open up because of these relationships.
Trust me, I know the comfort zone is easy to stay in and enjoy all the time. I do it still! But I also try to force myself out of my comfort zone. It makes me a better person with more perspectives to draw upon.
Finally, drinking doesn’t have to be the activity, that was a quick example. Going to the beach, go for a hike, go to an arcade or barcade, play board games, and on and on.
And if you don’t want to, that’s perfectly fine. But I’d highly suggest just trying it for a period of time. You may dislike it at first, but it will affect you as a person in many ways, some of those may be positive.
Flying SquidDon’t have kids until your 30s.
And don’t feel the need to have kids in your 30s either.
Then enjoy your fourties while the parents get ground down by the unreasonable burdens of raising kids.
That’s not what this link says
Yeah, i drink wine all day and can’t actually read.
Probably not the best thing to do if you have gastric issues.
Yeah, I don’t think it’s recommended in general.