Periodic reminder that "don't speak ill of the dead" is for, like, not mentioning at her funeral that Aunt Sally was a drunk and a lousy cook. It's not for suppressing public discussion of public figures and their complicated legacies.

Or, put another way, the obligation to "speak truth to power" is way more important than the obligation "not to speak ill of the dead". One is about justice and the other is about politeness. To be frank, FUCK politeness.

@adrienne I suspect that it's always meant protecting abusers. Patriarchs are literal, after all. Think of all those jokes about "merry widows".
@foolishowl i think there's a few things going on, bc frankly there are very few social norms that arise for only one "reason". As i just said elsewhere: https://social.treehouse.systems/@adrienne/111149736282033254
just adrienne (@[email protected])

@[email protected] Yeah, you should never feel compelled to shut up about abuse! I do think there are reasons not to confront people who are deep in a grief process with GRATUITOUS discussion of their relative's shitheadedness, but there's a difference between "don't be deliberately cruel" and "keep quiet".

Treehouse Mastodon
@foolishowl I way more than suspect it. Think about the people who rush to shush you with this and whom they're always protecting. You never hear this about a Black child that a cop murdered in cold blood, for example.