Ah… So that’s what you’re saying.

Well I can believe it. The CIA once tried to murder Fidel Castro with, like, shaving cream or something one time. Our agencies can go back and forth from being daunting, all-knowing panopticons into being “Keystone Cops” a dozen times in a weekend.

If that’s the case, and they’re targeting someone who didn’t even get in that deep, then: ouch. My condolences. I hope you if you really aren’t a threat that they figure out they aren’t needed anymore.

I think it’s important to acknowledge that yes, the government absolutely does have shadow organizations that violate American citizens constitutional rights. No one is disputing that.

The point that most people here are trying to help you notice is that there is help. A professional , trained therapist can help. A therapist, if they’re at all qualified, won’t dispute your stances in regard polygyny etc.

What follows includes some assumptions of who you are and I want to acknowledge that these might not look like your struggles. Guessing by analogy of my own experience, you feel a kind of helpless. You understand the situation as it is and you recognize that it is irrational to hope blindly that your understanding is wrong and tomorrow everything is just going to be better. A therapist isn’t paid to tell you that you are seeing your situation incorrectly, a therapist is paid to learn what you tell them you understand the world is like and help you find steps you can take from the position you’re in now.

The ideology you identify with is associated with a tendency toward terrorism / violent actions. That is what everyone here is trying to warn you about. You sound like what a rational person becomes in hopeless situations. Seek a therapist not because they will change your mind but instead so that someone who will work to understand how you’re rational and help you take rational steps from that place to one less hopeless.

I’ll agree that state violence is bullshit. If they really wanted to help people, they could give them counselling, or maybe do something about our nightmarish society that atomises and impoverishes everyone - including men, women - and drives people to extremism out of desperation.

Unfortunately they are part of the problem. When all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. When all you have is state repression, you’re going to treat every problem like political dissidence, and that’s going to create more terrorism, not less.

This something you need to understand: the state and capital are our common enemy. They work together to keep us poor and separated. Women are not your enemy, they are suffering under this system too. Our actual enemies are the ones that want to push narratives that divide us along lines of gender, race, sexuality, ability, poverty, whatever they can find, because the more we blame one another, the less we pay attention to our oppressors, and the less we work together to fight against them.

To everyone else here attacking OP: saying “fuck you, you deserve repression” is not only false, it doesn’t help. This language I’ve used here has been shown to be effective at combating bigotry, probably because it’s true.