knorbergscoping
ScalziIn your responses to anyone anywhere, I would ask you to remember there is a difference between "I see your struggle and I want to be helpful to you" and "You're doing it wrong and I want to be the one to say that to you" and also a difference in how they will be taken in by others. If you don't know the difference between the two (or don't care), perhaps it would be best for you not to say anything at all.
David Herrold@scalzi Are you frequently on the receiving end of this sort of thing?
Ron Northrip@scalzi well said
Flaming Cheeto@scalzi or put your response thru a generative ai with the instruction to make it sound empathetic. Maybe I'll make a "DeAssholeify" plug in
them&m@PizzaDemon @scalzi Finally, a useful application of AI
Richard RatheI seem to recall a rule from kindergarten that addressed this. đ
KewlCat@richardrathe @scalzi "don't be a dick" ?
T Kennedy@scalzi welcome to the internet. you must be new here.
If you want a question answered, don't simply ask the question. Make an incorrect statement and people will flock to tell you why you are wrong.
If you want a question answered, don't simply ask the question. Make an incorrect statement and people will flock to tell you why you are wrong.
@magnusrobotfighter And if you're irritating, you'll be muted or blocked and then you won't be heard from again.
DioSome person on mastodon talking about muting and blocking another person as if itâs a threat, is not shocking at all, haha. Itâs just funny.
Paul Houle@Dio @magnusrobotfighter @scalzi itâs not a threat, itâs a force of nature. Somebody asked on Hacker News how to self-promote, I showed him how to use the âshowdeadâ flag to see what the moderation system hellbans and said, first of all, donât do what these people do. It was a good thing he asked
Sayyadina 
@scalzi @magnusrobotfighter As you have often said, the failure mode of "clever" is "asshole".
VulcanTourist [MOVED]Autistic people may have difficulty perceiving those moments when they occur and find it difficult to choose tactful words.
For myself, I try to always keep a constructive focus in criticism, but I've also spent a lifetime avoiding guessing and manipulating the internal emotional states of others.
Shouldn't the emotions a person experiences be the domain of that person, theirs to manage, and free from outside meddling? It seems disrespectful to me to meddle in another's mind.
haley@VulcanTourist @scalzi I say this with sincerity, in case you have any interest in one way to address this in the future. If not, please feel free to disregard!
I've found it very useful to ask, "do you want suggestions/advice, or would you prefer I just listen right now?"
Not always applicable online, but this phrase takes the guesswork out of trying to determine what a person needs in the moment.
Thomas Wouters@scalzi I'm always glad you post these kinds of things (first one I've seen here, but I remember seeing them more on birdsite) -- it's good advice, a good reminder, _and_ I get to look though the replies and pre-emptively block people who really don't get the point!
Xymon@scalzi âI know nothing about the situation but I have an opinion to share anyways!â
Alan Trapulionis@scalzi You're saying it as if they're mutually exclusive.
James Ryland Miller@scalzi Well said.
Noah Cook@scalzi The thing about the latter group is, at least in my experience, there often isn't a point where they suddenly start acting like the former group. Like, it would be one thing if someone's a backseat driver on minor things, but they suddenly get serious when you suffer a major medical emergency.
This is not what tends to happen, in my experience, at least. The person who insists on telling you how you should have cooked your breakfast will also have strong views about having a seizure.
Terry@scalzi Well said. Sadly, yesterday, my first day on Mastadon, I posted a joke and two men immediately felt the need to mansplain to me why my opinion was inferior. It kinda bummed me out for the rest of the night. I need to find out how to block people.
Avi Rappoport (avirr)@threeoutside @scalzi In the spirit of this post, if youâd like help please let me know.
Dan@scalzi I personally canât stand the latter group.
Not because they are mansplainers or rude.
But rather they always seem to be a perfect circle with the person who âalways must be the smartest person in the roomâ. And refuse to admit or accept that frequently they are not.
Mike Murphy-Burton@scalzi Something I've struggled with, and have tried to get across the line to the right side of. Silence is golden, of course, but even better to just be good.