Pizza da CampbelliteI have a houseful of people. I'm not feeling particularly sociable, and I have to work tonight.
So I'm in my room, watching a documentary about two of my favorite albums: 2112 and Moving Pictures by Rush.
I'm going 😡 crazy.
I used to be sociable. I used to enjoy people.
Now I don't.
My wife doesn't get it. Nobody does. Im just the grumpy asshole.
I need to get away. I need to unwind. I have no place to do that because too many people live at my house and I can't deny them a place. I've mentored kids from broken homes in the past and promised them an open door to my house.
But I don't want to do that right now. And I'm the asshole.
I can't get in to see a counselor that I can afford until 25 July. That's nearly 3 weeks from when I began searching for help. I've gone to AA meetings and they temporarily lift my mood.
I tried calling one of those help lines. Since I'm not suicidal, they don't want to help. I tried calling a veteran help line. They told me to go to the quacks at VA. (Long story, misdiagnosis, wrong prescription with life changing effects, can't sue the govt)
Now everyone is mad at me. I'm really trying to keep my cool. But because I don't put of a happy face and join the crowd - which is extremely stressful - I'm the asshole.
So I'm driven to the conclusion that nobody really gives a shit and I may as well just take off.
But I know that's incorrect.
I want to drink. There's a reason I haven't had any in ten years.
I've tried praying, but I don't think God is listening to me.
I used to be sociable. I used to enjoy people.
Now I don't.
My wife doesn't get it. Nobody does. Im just the grumpy asshole.
I need to get away. I need to unwind. I have no place to do that because too many people live at my house and I can't deny them a place. I've mentored kids from broken homes in the past and promised them an open door to my house.
But I don't want to do that right now. And I'm the asshole.
I can't get in to see a counselor that I can afford until 25 July. That's nearly 3 weeks from when I began searching for help. I've gone to AA meetings and they temporarily lift my mood.
I tried calling one of those help lines. Since I'm not suicidal, they don't want to help. I tried calling a veteran help line. They told me to go to the quacks at VA. (Long story, misdiagnosis, wrong prescription with life changing effects, can't sue the govt)
Now everyone is mad at me. I'm really trying to keep my cool. But because I don't put of a happy face and join the crowd - which is extremely stressful - I'm the asshole.
So I'm driven to the conclusion that nobody really gives a shit and I may as well just take off.
But I know that's incorrect.
I want to drink. There's a reason I haven't had any in ten years.
I've tried praying, but I don't think God is listening to me.
JulieB@StoneKamino Do you have any phone numbers of people from meetings that can talk you through this?
@StoneKamino I'm working from a sliver of information so I could be really wrong here: but it sounds like you're the giver/server/ helper in your situation and burned out. And because that is the role you play, you and your family don't know how to communicate well when the giver/server/helper is struggling. Again, I could be totally wrong. I'm just so sorry, buddy.
@JulieB I can definitely say "burned out"...
@StoneKamino I was wondering about that when you said your anger was becoming more of an issue of late. Another option? Call whichever counselor you plan to see, let them know the situation is acute and to let you know if they have a cancellation. And as you are able, meeting up. If that is the one room you're in where more is poured into you than drained out of you, meeting up.
Counting the days with you.