Floaty BirbGetting a late start on #Monsterdon because I can't ever start or finish a monster movie within the agreed upon time frame.
Excited about the godzillas though.
Today's #Monsterdon starts in the futuristic year 2004, where a tiny submarine is inspecting disused Dungeons and Dragons miniatures beneath the ocean.
Before being minted by Ral Partha, some ominous voices inform us that these miniatures were once a terrifying CGI ROYAL ROBEAST!
Then a UFO travels back to the 90s for some reason; probably to either drop off a monster or admire early web design trends. The music tells us that this is a scary UFO.
Additional #Monsterdon Takes:
I want to see biologists have to classify three headed giant kaijus into existing clades.
The scary UFO has an interesting glowing sandwich design. its sort of like a Cylon basestar with a glowy center bit.
I want to see biologists have to classify three headed giant kaijus into existing clades.
The scary UFO has an interesting glowing sandwich design. its sort of like a Cylon basestar with a glowy center bit.
We are introduced to some probably main characters, SHIRTLESS WRITER GUY, SHIRTFUL PUBLISHING LADY and DINOSAUR SHOWMANSHIP WEIRDO.
Shirtless Writer Guy is mad that his ESP book got him famous, but is sick of being invited to 90s Japanese Joe Rogan shows and wants to instead write for a respectful newspaper, like what people used to think the the New York Times was like. Shirtful Publishing Lady wants him to... write a story about the UFO or something.
Meanwhile, after being arrested by the police for being too theatrical in a dinosaur museum Dinosaur Showmanship Weirdo is making noodles or something and recounting his PTSD war stories, from that one famous war where Japan fought everyone at once and (eventually) lost.
Anyway, back then, a dinosaur helped the Japanese defend some island and scared away the Americans. This was probably Godzilla; I'm mildly disappointed to see him backing a fascist bid for world conquest.
#Monsterdon Back in the modern days, a government bureaucracy is tracking the UFO and calling in their top godzilla expert, Colonel Mustardess. We are given some backstory for movies I haven't seen yet.
Shirtless Writer Guy has found a shirt and is meeting a professor guy. Someone needs to tell both of them that birds are dinosaurs, dammit.
Then some helicopters fly off to check out an island and then mysteriously explode. Some JSDF guys find a landed UFO.
#Monsterdon Back in Japan, the UFO threads and the Dinosaur plot threads are threatening to merge, with now Shirtful Writer Guy trying to solve the mystery. I approve of this development; UFOs and Dinosaurs are both good movie ingredients, combining them seems like a good idea.
I LOVE how the old photos we have are of an original looking Godzilla suit just with World War 2 people in front of it.
#Monsterdon oooh we get to see Type 74 tanks! A very good looking model of tank! And also some other military vehicles I don't know.
Anyway, they're surrounding the UFO because that's what the army is supposed to do in UFO movies.
#Monsterdon PROTIP: If you encounter holographic time travelers, after verifying their holographic nature, be sure to walk through them anyway just so you can look like an idiot.
#Monsterdon I love how some time travelers beaming into a cabinet meeting and then saying "Japan will be destroyed by Godzilla breaking some nuclear power plants" is like... a completely normal prediction to make in this type of movie.
#Monsterdon "In 1944 Godzilla was a regular dinosaur..." is a good sentence.
Someone should name a chicken Godzilla.
#Monsterdon the inside of the time machine is a little stark but adequately science fictioney. Not sure why all the future people are white except for the Japanese lady.
In addition to their fashion sense, the future people have androids and some kind of global government; and also... flying genetically engineered cat bug things that are like psychic pets.
I am curious about the society of these future people, but this movie probably will not answer most of my questions.
#Monsterdon
FX guy: what should we do for the time machine special effect?
Director: can you like... mix up the Star Trek IV blurry warp effect with the time tunnel from the TARDIS?
FX guy: I got ya fam.
FX guy: what should we do for the time machine special effect?
Director: can you like... mix up the Star Trek IV blurry warp effect with the time tunnel from the TARDIS?
FX guy: I got ya fam.
#Monsterdon OMG the acting from the US Navy guys!
As a typical android, before I inspect the naval bombardment, I must don my crash test dummy helmet and hover across the jungle.
#Monsterdon Come for the extremely realistic war movie action scene where everyone flies into the air when shot, stay for the very long necked godzilla who knocks trees over and steps on people.
#Monsterdon Oh no Godzilla was shot by the battleship but still got up and smashed some moire army guys, one of whom said "Dude" before approaching it. Pretty sure no American said "Dude" in 1944 in that manner, but y'know, maybe they should have.
Very modern of the bad acting US navy guys to say the island needs scientists and not more soldiers.
#Monsterdon Japanese officer guy walks up and apologizes to Godzilla. This is Very Japanese.
#Monsterdon "Fortunately the dinosaur is immobile"
#Monsterdon OH no did we intentionally maroon the cute flying cats in the past? Is some mischief afloat?
#Monsterdon Indeed, mischief was afloat! the weird cat things became a three headed dragon that shoots lightning from its mouth because biologists were not consulted for this movie.
#Monsterdon at this point I am hoping for a #Papergirls crossover where the Old Watch appears on its flying cathedral timeship, attacks the time travelers and King Ghidorah with pterodactyl knights and/or giant robots and then tries to round up all the citizens fleeing the devastation for a memory wipe.
#Monsterdon Not exactly impressed with "We'll give you plans to make a new Japan". Like, I dunno, it seems people live in the Old Japan now; like can you just lead Ghidorah out over the sea?
Also not impressed with the lady who brought an invasive genetically engineered species to the past.
#Monsterdon at 50:23 Shirtful Writer Guy again reverts to his prior state of Shirtless Writer Guy.
#Monsterdon It is revealed that Japan being destroyed was a lie, and future japan actually BUYS WHOLE CONTINENTS. This outcome doesn't sound all that great to me either.
I'd probably be okay with Japan buying Antarctica or something, but not Africa or South America. A lot of people like live there and probably don't want to be a Japanese colony.
#Monsterdon I'm loving the stupid plan of using an illegal corporate nuclear submarine to launch very illegal missiles full of nuclear waste to resurrect Godzilla to fight a three headed dragon so that Japan doesn't get destroyed and can go on to buy South America.
#Monsterdon this script was possibly written as part of a philosophy class final exam that asked students to write an ethical dilemma using several interconnected trolley problems, which naturally escalated to include androids, UFOs and Godzilla.
#Monsterdon I like how the bureaucracy dudes are just like "Oh naturally Godzilla is bigger; he ate more radiation, and eating the modern radiation makes him bigger!"
Yes, this makes perfect sense.
#Monsterdon at 70 minutes into Godzilla Vs King Ghidora, I've kind of given up on figuring out who the good guys are and will settle for watching the giant monsters laser each other.
#Monsterdon Imagine being a JSDF general guy or Japanese politician in a Kaiju movie. On half of the days you're rooting AGAINST Godzilla, but then, on the one day another giant monster appears, then all of a sudden you have to start rooting FOR Godzilla because what else will save you from the even worse giant monster?
#Monsterdon After some weird laser battle in the time ship and some villain gloating and a Star Trek fist fight, I'm still not quite sure how time travel is supposed to work in this movie?
Like if you change the past and go back to the future, do the future people know that you left to go change the past? Or does something more sensible happen? Or something even less sensible?
#Monsterdon among all the radiation that Godzilla ate was a radioactive alka seltzer table that created lots of foam.
#Monsterdon I like how Godzilla was sited in Sapporo and Tokyo (which is way more south) is immediately evacuating.
To be fair, this is just good civil planning. If a Godzilla is sited anywhere, you should probably immediately start evacuating Tokyo.
#Monsterdon for largely unclear reasons, the JSDF appears to have those lasers that the Galactic Republic's Clone Army had on the battle of Geonosis and is using them to try to shoot at Godzilla.
#Monsterdon Wait did we just propose making a cyborg Ghidorah to fight the radioactive super Godzilla?
I'm not sure if I like this plan more or less than the illegal corporate submarine full of nuclear waste missiles.
#Monsterdon I'm not totally sure why future girl Emi likes the Shirtless Writer Guy, especially since he's Disappointingly Shirted most of the time. Seems to be a Forced Romance Subplot.
#Monsterdon
"Ironic, that I have become a Famous Businessman after being Saved by a Dinosaur that I later helped Resurrect By Shooting Nuclear Waste At It."
"Ironic, that I have become a Famous Businessman after being Saved by a Dinosaur that I later helped Resurrect By Shooting Nuclear Waste At It."
#Monsterdon Watching Godzilla destroy Tokyo in this early 90s movie is gradually dragging me into the camp that prefers practical effects over CGI.
#Monsterdon Future Girl Emi returns, at the helm of a terrifying Cyborg Ghidorah, which she is piloting like a giant mecha. It's cool that only the missing head is a cyborg one.
I might have missed any scene establishing where the Cyborg Ghidorah cockpit is; maybe it's in the cyborg head, or possibly in the chest?
#Monsterdon gonna guess this Godzilla Grip (TM) traps Godzilla then he gets teleported to the future or past or sometime, because you can teleport him when he's immobile.
#Monsterdon Okay so maybe my Godzilla Grip (TM) prediction was wrong and the plan was to just drop him somewhere... like the angels dropping people at the end of Dogma?
However, that plan was partly foiled by dinosaur lasers and now an Undead Godzilla will return?
#Monsterdon I have finished #GodzillaVsKingGhidorah . It was super confusing, probably because it seemed to have several 30 minute movies from separate genres embedded within it and each of them only partly made sense.
I think it had some social commentary embedded in it, but I'm too tired to figure out what it was and if it was good or not.
#Monsterdon my wild guess is that maybe the nationalistic business guy was sort of an avatar for Japan and Godzilla was like... reverse America.
In that Godzilla saved the business guy during wartime, but later destroyed him during peacetime. So its like the irony of the US bombing Japan and then helping reconstruct it... only backwards?
But that is a wild guess and is probably 50 kilometers off.
Anyway I think this #Monsterdon was a cool movie because it was fun and weird and I'm still slightly confused by it.
Solarbird 
@floatybirb for me the absolute key to most kaiju movies is "just go with it."
modusMatt@floatybirb there was definitely Japanese nationalist sympathies in this one, and resentment toward US. Interesting, Godzilla representing US. Hadn't thought of that but makes sense. I think a lot of 50s era monster movies had A-bomb anxiety at their core.
@ModusMatt I think my godzilla as reverse america reading was probably way off... it definitely did have some Japanese nationalist sympathies that were mildly obscured by the wacky incoherence of the film.