Della Wren

Most of your responses to the things that happen in your life are preprogrammed in your mind.

You react based on old pain or triggers, habit, and what you were taught to feel by others.

When you have an experience in your current reality and your brain can match it up in some way to something that's happened before, it pulls out that automated response. You react the way you always do to that type of scenario.

When you have an experience that is completely new and unrelated to anything that has happened in the past good or bad, it creates confusion. This is the feeling of being dumbfounded. You don't know how to respond because you don't have a preprogrammed response built in yet.

Essentially you've taught yourself to run on autopilot and it's hidden your ability to decide how to react every single time something happens.

Awareness is what gives you control over these automated responses. When you're aware of your old pain or triggers, the habits or cycles you experience in your life, and how you were taught to feel by others - then you can recognize the behaviors that go with those things and change them.

You don't have to respond the way you always do. It just requires awareness to change it. You have to decide that you want to be aware of yourself within your own experience and then do something about it.

Can you recognize your own automated responses? Are you able to change them?

I can help via private coaching. To get more information go to: https://dellawrenbooks.com/b/private-coaching

To go directly to the application form click here: https://form.jotform.com/dellawren/private-coaching-application

Love to all.

Della

#automatedresponse #PREPROGRAMMED #spirituality #healing #awareness #reaction #habits #oldpain #triggers #clarity #consciousness

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Feb 14, 2023 at 6:14pmWeb
Show threadmeikaFeb 22, 2023
@dellawren no they are not all preprogrammed, they just appear that way because consciousness is already a memory
Show threadDella WrenFeb 22, 2023
@meika
I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Can you explain a bit?
Show threadmeikaFeb 23, 2023
@dellawren perhaps explore from here, it's all up in the air, and our current frameworks, either folk and sophisticated may not apply https://journals.lww.com/cogbehavneurol/Fulltext/2022/12000/Consciousness_as_a_Memory_System.5.aspx
Show threadDella WrenFeb 23, 2023
@meika
I'll check it out. Thanks!
Show threadDella WrenFeb 23, 2023

@meika
I did go read the article. I read it with this question in mind: Does it give me personal power and control within myself or does it put my power outside of me and create limitations, excuses, or reasons why not?

Anything that doesn't offer me control over my thoughts, feelings, actions, responses or reactions and puts my power outside of me in some way does me a disservice. It's not helpful.

My focus is on the concept of self-mastery - the idea that I can get a grip on my mind, behavior, and emotions - all of them, including the ones that I don't get conscious control over, meaning the mind just generates them without my direct input.

I understand that yes, humans have limitations, but those limitations should not stop us from being able to work towards self-mastery.

I encourage people to question their thinking and their feelings. Where are they coming from? Is this helpful? What is my point of control within that experience? How is my perception being skewed by my previous experience and/or pain? How can I shift that so that I no longer have to respond from that pain?

Life will offer everybody the opportunity to shift their behavior and their thinking if they are willing to pay enough attention to what's happening.

The idea that somehow our human limitations prevent us from gaining full mastery is just an excuse to stay in the pain and not do anything about it.

The point was never to get there or arrive at some destination. The point is the journey itself. It's not about whether I get there, it's about the fact that I'm willing to try in the first place.

Show threadmeikaFeb 24, 2023
@dellawren ": Does it give me personal power and control within myself or does it put my power outside of me and create limitations, excuses, or reasons why not?'" While a certain soteriological honesty is healthy, the dangers here are possible narcisstic pathologies, (particularly in sales-based discourses). #redflag
Show threadDella WrenFeb 24, 2023

@meika
It's not about external control. It's about internal control.

I'm not after controlling other people nor am I after making the world all about me.

There is nothing wrong with doing things for others once we are in a healthy place and we are doing so without any of the wounds of people pleasing or expecting the favor to be returned.

When we're doing things for others we need to retain our sense of control over ourselves. When we feel like we can't say no or we're not allowed to say no because of what other people might think, we run into trouble.

The idea that self-mastery is somehow narcissistic is based on the idea that if I don't do all these things for other people, even the stuff I don't want to do, that I'm somehow a bad person or there is something wrong with me. That's a lie. It keeps people in the loop. It keeps people people-pleasing. It keeps people sacrificing for others because they aren't allowed to put themselves on their own lists.

When we stop taking care of ourselves in favor of making everybody and everything else a priority, that too is unhealthy. That is where we have gone as a society, dangerously so.

The reason why we have so many mental health issues in this world is because people do not take care of themselves. They do not respect their own individual needs and wants. They do not pay attention to their own thoughts, behaviors, and feelings. They zone out. They ignore themselves. Then they get told that they are somehow selfish or narcissistic because they aren't willing to give up their own personal well-being for other people.

Two analogies apply. The first is the oxygen mask on the airplane. You have to take care of yourself. You're no good to anybody passed out from lack of oxygen. The same is true in life. You have the capacity to offer more back to the world when you are fully taken care of as an individual first. That's called self-care not narcissism.

The second is fill your own cup. Take care of yourself first and offer others the overflow. That is how it is meant to be.

The fear of narcissism is an ego lie. You're worried about your inability to control your own ego. The ego plays a role in our world, but when you apply the concepts of self-mastery effectively, the ego doesn't drive the bus. The ego is simply the personality. The spirit is driving.

We're looking for a healthy balance of self-care and care for others. We're removing things like people-pleasing and doing things based on old pain and wounds we carry around. We're paying attention to our behavior so we're not lashing out and throwing our pain around like so many people do.

We're focusing on our thinking because of all the crazy that the mind likes to create.

We're focusing on how we feel so we're not sacrificing ourselves and we don't have to feel like crap every day.

We're focusing on our behavior so we're not throwing pain around and lashing out for no reason. We learn to stop living from old coping mechanisms and survival skills that are no longer needed.

We learn to understand our wounds, not so we can blame others for them, but so that we can heal and stop living from them.

None of that is narcissistic or anything even close. There is no danger of narcissism when you are willing to do nothing more than honor and understand your own thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Show threadmeikaFeb 25, 2023
@dellawren Yeah I see that, it is deep in the pool though, I'll admit it may have medicinal properties at times
Show threadDella WrenFeb 25, 2023
@meika
It's how I have worked towards being able to heal myself.
I would suggest it's not all that deep though. It's just below the pain that most of us hold onto.
Honestly most people don't go there because they are scared of what they will find.